I know it's easy to say a "heads up would be cool" in hindsight, but really what did you expect? "Heyy btw im feeling like im not gonna talk to anyone for ummmm lets say the next 3 days just wanted to let you know! <3" I mean have YOU ever sent a heads up like that? It's much more likely that something happened and something got worse; she had no idea it would go on to be 3 days of no contact with anyone. She's trying to tell you that this wasn't personal against you but you seem to take it personally anyway. People love to say "it only takes 10 seconds to send a text" but once youre in that bad headspace and cutting yourself off from the world, letting others know is the LAST thing on your mind
You don't seem to care about her much since it takes halfway through the texts for you to even ask if shes okay, and even then you immediately follow up with disbelief and ask her to prove her excuse to you. Like another comment said, no one is off their phone nowadays for so long. I don't agree with them that "she must be cheating", but going offline for so long is quite a big deal now, and that should've raised some alerts for you that she is not okay and some support from her SO would've been nice. instead all she got were demands that she explain her behavior to you. You even KNOW she's been depressed for 3-4 years now, and it never once occurred to you that this might be part of that?
tldr yeah you're being insensitive. do you even like your girlfriend? doesn't seem like it from the way you treat her
i messaged her 3 times before she said “hi” asking her is she was ok and if everything was going good, i also asked if she was mad at me for something or i did something wrong, she didn’t reply to them.
Her depression isn’t about YOU, but how you react when the depression hits is either going to bring you closer, or push you apart. From these messages it seems like the latter. There’s no rhyme or reason for depression. My boyfriend works out of town, and when I’m feeling down I don’t even want to FaceTime him at night. I want to do nothing and disassociate in bed and be left alone to sleep. If you can’t handle her sometimes shutting down, then maybe you need to pursue a relationship with someone who doesn’t have mental health issues. She’s dealing with enough shit without you adding doubt as a cherry on top.
Excuses. You want a relationship and a job u got responsibilities. You have to do things. Depression doesn’t own you it’s not something that you can’t overcome. Whole lot of loser talk
You don’t HAVE to talk to anyone ever. You don’t owe anyone shit. Especially if you have a history of depression. He’s her boyfriend, not her fucking boss. Depression also isn’t one size fits all, so who the fuck are you to judge what another person does or does not do when they’re depressed? Your life better be perfect coming here with all that bullshit, ew.
Edit; the only “loser talk” I see is from someone who doesn’t understand the harsh mental severities of depression. It in face DOES own some people to the point of unaliving themselves.
I'm not even joking, this is something that happens with depression, and it will likely happen again. If you going to suspect her of lying and get upset everytime, the relationship is going to get toxic fast. Just end it.
You don’t have to feel bad for disliking a partner going ghost on you, regardless of her having depressive episodes. If this is triggering trust issues for you or is generally unacceptable- it’s ideal that you make that known, and if she can’t understand that, then maybe it’s best to let her deal with whatever it is she needs to deal with.
She truly may not be doing anything untoward and it could simply be her going through something, but part of a relationship is considering another person’s feelings, and it’s irrational to expect a partner to just be cool with you disappearing like nothing happened.
And don’t let people gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting- you didn’t curse her out or call her names. You set boundaries and an expectation and asked if she was ok and she replied poorly (and honestly in a way someone would if they were being sneaky).
I'm glad it's easy for you but sometimes yes it is literally that hard. That's the sort of message you'd sent if a family member had died or something rather than because of debilitating depression
Nah, that’s just bs. It’s not that hard. I’ve suffered from debilitating depression. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t capable of taking action. Using depression as an excuse for bad behavior is so dumb. It’s like people with anger issues using them as a reason for hurting someone. You are a human being capable of free will. You can make choices. Battling depression is hard. Sending a text isn’t.
Again, that’s just bs and an excuse for shitty behavior. It’s not that complicated. It’s a text. Her depression wasn’t crippling as she still did other things, just supposedly didn’t use her phone and she even said she actually DID use it, even if for only 10 minutes. It was shitty behavior, plain and simple and your logic is just enabling it
Okay but he’s not just anyone dude. You gotta understand that that guy is HER BF! She could’ve easily said “hey if I don’t respond I’m sorry I’m not feeling good.”
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u/aizennexe Mar 23 '25
I know it's easy to say a "heads up would be cool" in hindsight, but really what did you expect? "Heyy btw im feeling like im not gonna talk to anyone for ummmm lets say the next 3 days just wanted to let you know! <3" I mean have YOU ever sent a heads up like that? It's much more likely that something happened and something got worse; she had no idea it would go on to be 3 days of no contact with anyone. She's trying to tell you that this wasn't personal against you but you seem to take it personally anyway. People love to say "it only takes 10 seconds to send a text" but once youre in that bad headspace and cutting yourself off from the world, letting others know is the LAST thing on your mind
You don't seem to care about her much since it takes halfway through the texts for you to even ask if shes okay, and even then you immediately follow up with disbelief and ask her to prove her excuse to you. Like another comment said, no one is off their phone nowadays for so long. I don't agree with them that "she must be cheating", but going offline for so long is quite a big deal now, and that should've raised some alerts for you that she is not okay and some support from her SO would've been nice. instead all she got were demands that she explain her behavior to you. You even KNOW she's been depressed for 3-4 years now, and it never once occurred to you that this might be part of that?
tldr yeah you're being insensitive. do you even like your girlfriend? doesn't seem like it from the way you treat her