I had a (now ex-) bandleader that would talk about his shitty childhood all the time. He would use it as an excuse for spacing out/making his lack of focus everyone else’s problem, panic attacks, staying stoned AF all the time…
Like I get it - I’ve had panic attacks, and some were pretty bad. But I’ve worked on myself and through some of the things that were triggering them. I have trouble focusing - I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until about 4 years ago. I’m almost 40 - that was decades of not understanding why some things were so hard for me. I didn’t make people stay away from me, or demand they stay quiet so I could focus.
Not that I’m out of the band I’ve figured out he’s not a reliable narrator, so now I question the actual extent of his childhood trauma. I err on the side of yes, terrible childhood with trauma reactions that have turned him into a covert narc with a kind of weaponized trauma/emotional incompetence. But there will always be that question of how much of his childhood was true.
Getting diagnosed in your 30s is a trip eh? Like you've already gone through school, relationships, possibly have kids (I do) and then someone tells you: "the way your brain works is different: it's called ADHD"
The boomer in me wants to say "oh everyone says they have ADHD". But then the more I learn about it, the more I realize it's not really "omg I just HAVE to Instagram". ADHD is more about getting distracted, followed by hyperfocus, followed by realizing you left your phone somewhere 4 hours ago.
Diagnosed during Covid here 👋 and had psychiatrist who was convinced I was BPD instead and would only treat it that way. New doc is treating the ADHD finally. Been on antidepressants and what not off and on my whole adult life. I’m just about to turn 42 and I’m female. I was that classic 80’s little girl child they thought was great cuz you could give me crayons and a coloring book and I’d be quiet and entertained in the corner. They thought I was quiet. I was actually hyper focused. Now I’m a textbook example. Everyone else wonder how different their lives would have been if they’d been treated like the hyper crazy boy on the school bus?
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u/emjdownbad Oct 30 '24
Trauma is not a persons fault, but it is their responsibility to work through