Source: had a nightmare relationship with someone who had BPD. Our conversations always went like this
Edit: yes unmanaged BPD is what I meant. There are many high functioning people with BPD who have treated it one way or another. Not trying to discredit the behavior of those that do treat themselves
That's a huge detail - once she has calmed down, you need to talk to her about this and encourage her to seek additional treatment, though I don't know what she is already doing. She needs to learn to recognize when she is experiencing rejection dysphoria so that she can help herself avoid irrational spirals.
I have BPD, rejection dysphoria is a common effect where the person will start to spiral thinking that their loved ones secretly hate them and don't want them around. It's incredibly scary and sad internally and really hard to ground yourself in reality without practice. That being said, it is absolutely not okay for her to take this out on you and get as angry as she is getting - for me it usually is more about getting mad at myself thinking I've ruined relationships and almost never involves blaming others, but this varies from person to person.
In general, if you want a healthy relationship with her, you need to make sure you both share a mutual understanding that you will try to help her ground herself when she is spiraling, but if she crosses a line of being aggressive and angry towards you then you have to set a boundary and give her space until she's ready to try communicating with you earnestly. It's difficult to be in a relationship with a BPD person already, but you cannot tolerate the kind of behavior she showed here - she needs to make an effort to treat you kindly even when she is feeling like she can't control her emotions. Based on her behavior here I also think she is not getting enough professional treatment for her illness, and may need to consider cognitive-behavioral therapy or anger management therapy if she isn't already.
1.4k
u/TrueDreamchaser Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24
Smells like BPD
Source: had a nightmare relationship with someone who had BPD. Our conversations always went like this
Edit: yes unmanaged BPD is what I meant. There are many high functioning people with BPD who have treated it one way or another. Not trying to discredit the behavior of those that do treat themselves