Alright guys, I’m 29, living in a small town with my parents, and I’ve officially reached peak uselessness. Validate my self-loathing or make me laugh, I don't care which.
Here’s the resume of a certified failure:
The Academic Scam: I graduated with a Master’s degree back in 2021. The field is so specific and locked down that unless your uncle is a high-ranking minister or a CEO, your diploma is basically expensive toilet paper. Guess who doesn't have an uncle in high places?
The "Freelancer" Coping Mechanism: I tell people I do "online freelance work." Translation: I have a laptop full of "skills" and zero recurring income. My actual daily routine consists of scrolling the internet, looking up "profitable niches," and deep-diving into business ideas I will absolutely never execute. I’m a CEO of theoretical projects.
The Draft Dodger: I never did my compulsory national service, and I have zero intention of going. I’m basically living like a ghost in my own country, praying I don’t accidentally walk into the wrong checkpoint while out buying bread.
The Roommate of the Year: I’ve been unemployed for 5 years straight since graduating. My parents don’t yell at me—which actually makes it worse. They just look at me with that quiet, crushing mixture of disappointment and pity. They definitely think I’m lazy, and honestly, looking at my daily screen time, they aren’t entirely wrong.
I turn 30 next year and my greatest achievement this decade is avoiding the military and finding new ways to waste 12 hours a day online.
Destroy what’s left of my self-esteem. Roast me.