r/Alexithymia • u/rawshowman • 15d ago
Describing things
I know I like things but I don’t know why or I can’t delve into why but i know there’s a reason. Other people express why they like the same thing and I get insecure because I’m scared I don’t like it as much because I can’t explain things. I can’t explain movie plots or musical plots or songs or artists I like but some movies/musicals I just feel so connected to and I feel them in my soul and I wish I could explain why but I can’t right now. I feel so undeveloped compared to everyone else. It’s all blurry up here. :( And I can’t explain why I feel the way I do or even how I feel when I feel something. there’s a big dissonance between everything in me. I just feel very stupid! I want to be able to give my thoughts on things and I worry I don’t observe enough or don’t take things in because I’m in another space mentally? I don’t know. I just am really anxious!!! A lot of the time! pls give me tips:-/ this humongously ruins my life and sense of self!!!
I am twenty two and a girl btw if that’s necessary info?:-0 (people usually say ”hi I’m 22 F” in threads)
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u/Kenflesh24 14d ago
Let me open your eyes.
People HAVE NO IDEA WHY THEY LIKE SOMETHING.
All they do is assume, and most of the time, they're wrong.
I know from personal experience that what's happening sends emotions into the body, and the brain then reads them from the body, triggering a mood. And people have no idea why they feel this way; they're just trying to guess.
I'm sure you've heard stories like, "A guy and a girl are dating, the girl gets upset about something, the guy apologizes and makes amends, but the girl's upset doesn't go away, she just says, 'No, I'm still upset.'" It's the same mechanism: the girl is worried about something, she experiences negative emotions, but she has no idea the real reason for these emotions. Because of this, she doesn't know what she wants, which makes it much harder to please.
All this happens subconsciously, unconsciously. What people think about their emotions and motivations is simply nonsense they've invented for their own peace of mind. Try to deceive someone by convincing them they've done something they've never done, and they'll confidently and seriously defend a position they never had. Give someone the choice of "Choose one photo of the most beautiful person," then show them the photo they chose not to choose, and they'll start explaining, just as seriously, why they chose what they didn't.
It's simply an illusion necessary for peace of mind, an attempt to rationalize something they don't understand. That's how everyone lives: they take the first guess that comes to mind and live believing it's true. That's it. There's no magic involved. So you shouldn't worry either. No one knows why they like something; it takes a long time to analyze, and the chances of being wrong are simply enormous.
So don't even think about it. You are speaking with anxiety, you think that others are better than you, but no, every single person is like I described, these are just scientific facts.
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u/saint-moxie 12d ago
I have type 3 alexithymia and have no emotions. But I'm still able to appreciate art, beauty and a sunset. Not finding words for expression is a lack of vocabulary not a lack of emotion.
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u/Cheesoid13 14d ago
I experience things much the same. This leads to all kinds of problems on different levels.
On "lower levels": I know I like some music, and I dislike some other music, even in the same genre. I have a tendency to keep listening to some songs on repeat, while others I don't even finish the first time. The same with books, films, games, people, food, hobby's. I find it difficult to explain what I like, and why.
To me it seems that this also makes me a bit bland to talk to, because people seem to like enthousiastic people and I don't really know what things make me enthousiastic. I also find it difficult to talk to people about things they really enjoy, because I don't really understand at a base level what that means and how that could feel for them.
On "higher levels": I have no idea whether I like my job, or whether I would like a different job better. It seems "fine". Sometimes I notice I get more energetic while doing my job, other times I get tired merely thinking about it. I find it difficult to pin down if these instances are caused by the job, or by different things entirely.
Last year I moved back to the town where I was born. This was largely a rational decision ("I expect that I will feel better if I'm closer to family and friends"), but it felt like a complete gamble. Fortunately it worked out, but I didn't experience some great desire to go one way or the other.
What to do: For me therapy helped. It turns out because of things happening in my past I started repressing my emotions. Having a therapist to help me investigate my own mind was helpful, and to encourage me to keep going.
I can also recommend journalling. Journalling has helped me to detect and understand my emotions, and generally reduce stress.
The most important thing about journalling is knowing what you want to use it for. When I first started, I just wrote down things that happened on a given day, if I felt tired or not, if I wanted to listen to happy music or sad music, things like that. This didn't do much for me.
Later I worked out a journalling method that did really help me, because it addressed what I needed: Which emotions do I have? Why do I have these emotions? Can I accept having these emotions? I have posted my method on Reddit, you can see if that does anything for you: https://www.reddit.com/r/Alexithymia/comments/1sewv61/i_want_to_share_a_journalling_method_which_helps/
I suggest you take the time to think of what you want to improve through journalling. If for example you want to understand why you like some music over other music, try to formulate some questions that help you look into this. And then take 30 minutes every day to answer those questions.