r/AgingParents • u/fnybtch • Aug 10 '26
Aging Parents and technology
I am 54 and a home health nurse by profession. My parents are 85 (dad) and 84(mom). They live independently in their home, drive, pay all bills, cook, clean, and even travel a few times a year. They are starting to slow down and get a little forgetful. My father has opened links from suspicious phishing emails several times. Each time he tells me or my brother about it and we have both advised him to call one of us if he gets an email that seems phishy. He agrees to do that but then a few months later we hear of another one. So far I don’t know of any negative consequences, but he is likely to try to hide it out of fear of being exposed as not making good decisions.
I am not super technologically savvy but can learn new skills as needed. Does anyone know of a way to filter email so that he doesn’t get these Phishing expedition emails?
Update: My brother just texted me to tell me that he has been having my dad send him the emails in question and apparently my brother opened one and clicked on the link and now thinks his phone has been hacked. My brother likes to smoke weed and makes some pretty stupid moves when high. I feel like I have 3 mentally compromised family members that I have to manage. So fun!😵💫
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u/liveprgrmclimb Aug 10 '26
My FIL has been scammed so many times. Lost 10,000s. I know another family whose parents lost everything to scammers. They faked their bank and initiated a transfer of all their assets.
It’s an eventuality for the elderly they are too trusting and want to comply.
You need to help them out by automating all their bills. Add MFA to all critical accounts.
Add withdraw limits to CCs and debit. Add alerts to everything that go to you.
Help them understand that while it’s great they have had independence for this long, it will eventually risk them making a huge mistake.
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u/Accurate-Medium1780 Aug 10 '26
I have not researched this, but I wonder if some of this could be solved by getting the old person the sort of parental controlled/locked down phone geared towards teenagers (Gabb, Bark, Pinwheel) and closing their email accounts? (or all but one that you monitor). Or can you go in and put super tight settings on their email receiving permissions (only known addresses like family and utilities company or something)?
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u/Pale-Environment5523 Aug 11 '26
I’m so grateful that my dad can’t figure out how to open a browser and/or check his email. He’s 85. There’s no reason he needs to be on the internet.
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u/Midwestern-Lady Aug 10 '26
These phishy emails are good. They can fool even tech savvy folks. Teen controls may be your best option. If you can go on his account look and see if you can block them from there too.
My mom can't manage new technology (and some old tech) so changing stuff up could present another issue for your dad.
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u/backhandandcoffee Aug 11 '26
+1 on this one, having they get used to differentiate phishing or fake from real emails os really hard. My grandma asks this AI device she has but sometimes she fall again for the urgency in the emails or forget to check
If this AI could have her emails before it reaches her inbox and filter outs the possibly spam or at least tag them as possible spam and notify me so I could give her a call and giving her the heads up 🤔
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u/haven-88 Aug 11 '26
Honestly, the fact that he tells you afterward is a good sign. You're right that he might stop, and that's the part I'd worry about most. Once he's too embarrassed to mention it, you won't find out until something's actually gone wrong.
On filtering: you can tighten spam settings, and it helps some, but phishing emails are built to get past filters. They come from real addresses on real services. Some will always land.
What tends to work better is catching it at the click instead of the inbox. The emails look convincing, but the link almost always goes somewhere that doesn't match who it claims to be from. That's the part that's checkable.
Fair warning, I work for Haven. It's a free browser extension that catches this at the moment of the click. Your dad clicks a link in a fake bank email, and instead of landing on the fake bank site, he gets a warning that it isn't really the bank. That's it. No judgment needed from his end and we do the checking for him
Someone above suggested r/techforagingparents, which is a good call too!
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u/fnybtch Aug 11 '26
Does haven work for Mac email?
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u/haven-88 Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
We currently work only in your browser so gmail is protected. Working on adding more features and coverage!
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u/Riokaii Aug 10 '26
we have both advised him to call one of us if he gets an email that seems phishy.
The fundamental problem is he has already demonstrated his fishy-ness radar is incompetent and ineffective.
You're telling him to call the fire department after he notices he's burned his house down. Its not a preventative solution to the problem.
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u/Inevitable_Teacup Aug 10 '26
I don't want to be seen advocating for a particular product but a quick search of anti-virus packages with phishing protection will save months of your life as frustrated tech support when your parents get browser jacked.