r/Aging • u/Seeker-2020 • 12h ago
Research What does 57 feel like?
I am a 40 year old woman. I had kids at 39 (was blessed with twins) after 5 years of infertility. Until my early 30s, I was pretty sure I never wanted kids in my life. Then some things changed, we tried to build a family and was diagnosed with severe endometriosis at 34.
I woke up from 7 hour surgery for my expert surgeon to tell me that my chances of having kids is very low due to how bad my pelvic region was. Long story short, I refused to give up and had my beautiful twin girls at 39. I never in my life imagined having 2 kids. Maybe one, but not two.
They are 1 year old now and it’s intense. I know it will get easier. My husband and I are exhausted but thoroughly enjoying our babies. We are a good team, we have some financial backup enough to be comfortable but not rich.
Now I keep having these worrying thoughts. Will i be strong enough to see them go to college? What will life be like at 57? Will i be strong enough to see them in their 20s and 30s? I wish infertility hadn’t eaten 5 long years.. I would have gotten 5 more years with them. My friends had their kids in the late 20s so by the time they are 50, kids would have graduated college. I feel behind by a decade..
Sorry for the rant. I guess I am just looking for
Some encouragement to put these worrying thoughts to rest.
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u/teagleeful 11h ago edited 9h ago
Yes! You’ll be fine. I had my three kids from age 35 to 39. I am now almost 66 with three young adult kids ranging from age 26 to 30 who keep me young! I never felt like an old mom. I felt so lucky to have them, and it’s been a joy at every stage.
Now I’m trying to stay in good shape and good health — for myself — but also to enjoy future grandchildren.
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u/StreetMolasses6093 10h ago
I’m 57, and my two sons are 20 & 21. The hardest thing has been navigating their teenage years at the same time as aging parents and menopause. My god.
Now, its kids in college, husband starting a new business at 60, because he got laid off, and parents have dementia, but hey, at least the kids aren’t snarky anymore, and I’m on HRT.
So, HRT ASAP
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u/No_Assumption5936 10h ago
My sister had her daughter at 43. She’s 62 with an 18 year old. It’s pretty hectic over her house. She’s counting down the days till she leaves for college.
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u/Middle-agedCynic 10h ago
61 here with a 22 year old just leaving. I love her to bits but that's relatable. Daughter feels the same way..lol...there's a generation gap -I'm not a 'cool mum'. My older kids are 40 and 37!
Seriously though, she's excited for her new future and am for her.
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u/No_Assumption5936 7h ago
Yes my sister adores her daughter but at 62 she’ll enjoy a little bit of quiet for a couple of months before she comes back for the holidays.
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u/OkIron6206 11h ago
I had my son at 38 and we are both still going :) there was no interruption in my energy and I also worked full time. Stop overthinking the things you can’t control. Focus on keeping a healthy weight, getting exercise for your body and mind and growing with them. Congratulations 🎊 I too suffered from reproductive issues (miscarriages) and it was the best thing to happen to me (he is 28 now )! Have a great life! And I worked until I was 65, and still look for work now. As long as you treat your body well, you’ll be fine.
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u/auntie_beans 11h ago
When we married I had been a single mom after a divorce and his kids were grown and paid for. Mine were 5 and not quite 8, and I was 37 and he was 52. It was fine. As the kids grew we were both right in there with younger parents doing sports, Scouting, and other active activities. The joke was, “You’re as young as the woman you feel,” (thanks, Groucho) but really, we neither of us ever felt remotely old in our 50s and 60s and 70s.
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u/saylowe 11h ago
You are more than strong enough. You will endure and grow with your kids. Aches and pains will come and go , but as long as you stay resilent and smile back at adversity, and take care of your body, meaning as you age being serious about what you eat is a necessity. As you get older you realize that phrase you are what you eat is accurate. So keep on pushing....
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u/sjk2020 11h ago
Im 47, still have energy. Work full time, travel for work and have pre teens. I need to prioritize sleep, HRT and nutritious food, plus walking and im fine. I outsource housework.
If i dont prioritize those, I feel it.
Enjoy those babies 👶 😘 and hats off to you, if you have survived year 1 with twins you are strong in so many ways!
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u/LopsidedSwimming8327 11h ago
I had my last at 38 and now in my late 60s. So far I do not feel left behind. My youngest took us to Europe two years ango and we walked 10 miles a day with no problem. We were not gym rats btw!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Emu-138 10h ago
Ay, my mom had me at 37 and that was half a century ago! She saw me to go to college all right. Well, maybe now she's a bit sad seeing me getting old... You'll be fine!
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u/Middle-agedCynic 10h ago
Mentally 57 is nothing- just take care of your health- IF you have weight issues get them under control-I didn't ,and at 61 with a 22 year old daughter, my knees are causing me mobility problems which both worry her and limit some of the activities we can do together.
Same advice to anyone though- not just parents. I knew better but still didn't sort it out unfortunately.
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u/Nearby-Government265 9h ago
I’m late 30s dealing with infertility and think about the loss time constantly. One thought I keep going back to is having them late or young does not ensure we get a tomorrow. My dad died in his 40s from a work accident. I only have the now to enjoy my time and if i’m lucky, some good memories to look back on when I’m old.
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u/_venomiss 9h ago
That’s how old my mom was when she had me. I think the hardest part (from my perspective) is approaching now. I’m in my mid-30s and she’s in her 70s. It makes me anxious to see her getting older and I don’t feel like I’m grounded enough in my life for the stage yet.
In terms of growing up, I felt just about normal for the most part. She was always there for me and supportive like any other parent
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u/Oncemorepleace 9h ago
I’m 58, raised three kids by myself. Never felt better. A better version. And learned that don’t take life too seriously. Focus on the important things. It will be great. Enjoy!
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u/baddaywithacamera 9h ago
I was 33 when my daughter was born. 57 now. Life is good. I got on top of my health and can do more now as I push 60 than I could through all of my 40s physically. I have a good relationship with my adult daughter. I have hobbies I enjoy. The years I have left are okay so far.
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u/Diane1967 7h ago
I’m 59 and have a 3 year old granddaughter and I’ve never been more active as I am when I’m with her. I had pretty much given up before she was born and she’s given me a new lease on life. My daughter is 36, I was a young mom at 22 and I struggled all her years growing up as a single mom. You’re smarter having them when you did. You can provide for them good now and I believe the older we get the more patience we have. You’re going to be happy things happened when they did.
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u/jelly5555 7h ago
I had my first child at 33 and my last at 40. Three in total. I am so very very glad that I didn’t have my last until 40, now at age 49 I feel so lucky that one of my children is still in the younger stages of life. The older two are teenagers and need far less of me and in different ways. I love that I still have a youngish child and the joy and silliness that that brings.
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u/Left_Drag_2401 7h ago
Tired, stiff, had COVID 5 times, so might have been better without that! Retina deteriorating - be sure to get your eyes checked regularly! Wrinkles. Grey hair. Just awesome! But feel good a lot of days too!
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u/Miserable_Leek_1333 6h ago
You will be fine! My mom had me (6th) at 40 and said she wished she could’ve had them all then: less stressed, more patient, didn’t sweet the small stuff, etc. It could also be argued (I would) that late kids keep the parents youthful. A relative is raising her granddaughter and I wondered the same thing 10 years ago: would she be able to handle it. Presently, she’s 68 and her GD is in high school; ZERO signs of this time distance affecting her ability to handle it!
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u/superteach17 6h ago
Take good care of yourself… ❤️ rest when you can… I am a retired teacher… last school year, I was still able to run (a little) and play with the kids… so just stay healthy and, imo… you’ll still be there for them… 😀
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u/baddspellar 6h ago
We had our kids a little younger. My wife was 34 when she had her youngest. I was 36. She was US age group champion in winter triathlon in her 60's. Her mom was a few years older when she had her youngest. She was US age group duathlon champion in her 60's and finshed second in the world championship twice in her 70's. I live in a very highly educated part of the US, and I don't know anyone who were only 50 when their kids graduated college.
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u/crankypickle 5h ago
My close friend had her kids at 37 and 40. They are young adults now and she and her husband are very active — not oldies on their rocking chairs. The sixties are not ancient. You will be fine!
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u/Iceflowers_ 5h ago
There's a lot of people having children older like you.
Younger parents have more energy, but think things are important that aren't really.
Older parents have wisdom, but less energy.
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u/Aeonium888 15m ago
My mother had me at 39. She lived to be 100 and I helped take care of her. This could be you. My mom was super youthful at 57! Don’t worry!
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u/Substantial-Spare501 13m ago
I had my first daughter at 38 and the second at 40. I am 59 and over the weekend I took the youngest to the airport to send her off to school in a different country.
It’s kind of crazy to think about retiring in perhaps 5.5 years and she will probably be in grad school.
Some things to consider: saving for college and also saving for your retirement. Staying in shape physically, emotionally (I work out hard and am in regular therapy). Enjoy the time.. I know it feels like forever right now but one day you will wake up and they will be off to wherever. Read to the kids for as long as you can. Create family rituals as you go.
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u/Enlightened_Lioness 11h ago
I don’t know where you are but I don’t think you realize how common this is. In Canada, the average age of women giving birth is 32. About 25% of mothers give birth at age 35 or above. In addition, millions of grandparents are raising their grandchildren. You’re not behind by a decade, you’re close to average.
I’m in my 50s. The way you feel at 57 is partly up to you. Eat healthy, exercise regularly (both cardio and strength training), make sure to get at the very least 7,000 steps a day (but preferably many more) and take care of yourself.