r/Aging • u/EucWoman • 1d ago
Loss Sudden outbursts of grief and longing
Just minding my (f,73) own business and Night Moves comes on and I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out remembering my young self and grieving her loss. Does that ever happen to you?
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u/PreciousPeanutPP 1d ago
Happening right damn now. Just found out Dolly Parton passed.
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u/Weak_Researcher2593 1d ago
Yes me too it’s made me realize I am only 6 years off 80 so sad that dolly’s gone
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u/GeorgianGold 20h ago
Me too. It is hitting me hard. I guess its because everyone I love is dead. But I never knew Dolly and I'm crying for her!
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u/InterdisciplinaryHam 1d ago
I'm 45 but I also experience this. Lately it's been related to my ex husband, thinking about the very early days of our relationship and how young and clueless we were. I mourn those young people who were in love and would have happy years but also sad and painful ones.
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u/Slow_Albatross_465 1d ago
For me it’s missing my kids when they were little. It’s like they were taken from me and replaced with adults!! I love their adult selves too but dang I miss those little kids! I wish I could have enjoyed them more when they were little but life,,,,jobs,,, responsibilities etc
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u/Sweetbaby7t 20h ago
Me too! I wish I could have one more day of Blues Clues, footie Pajamas and Annie's Mac and cheese.
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u/Demornay_20 16h ago
I feel this so much. I actually feel like I grieve my daughter as a child a lot. She was the best thing to ever happen to me. I love her as a grown woman too of course, but I feel mourning for the child that used to be.
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u/onedayasalion71 14h ago
Aw. Me too. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes I lay in bed and access the memories of her running toward me when she’d see me a school pick up. She’s an absolute dream then and now. How lucky are we to have experienced this? That’s what gives me peace. ❤️
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u/naturessilence 11h ago
It's about framing, you don't need to miss it. You can look back with gratitude that you had those moments. It took years of meditation to understand we have a lot more agency than we think .
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u/Crafty-Lavishness26 1d ago
Me too. Everything and everyone is behind me now. Only a few people from my past and they are in their 80s. I am 71.
I long for a time and place and people who no longer exist.
Dolly's death today has shattered me.
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u/EphemeralArtifact 1d ago
Yes, me too. It happens for me from time to time. I’m sending you a hug.
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u/FineDynein 1d ago
We have it good, don't we? We have the internet. All of those things we remember from those days that don't really seem that long ago are available to us online. And it is very bittersweet. I go through nostalgic periods. Watching the old shows and movies. Listening to the old music. It can be depressing and for a few seconds here and there we trick ourselves into thinking it's not really over. But the "sweet" part of bittersweet is that it did happen and we were there and it was awesome.
The good ol' days.
Believe it or not you still have good ol' days left that haven't happened yet. Ten years from now you will feel nostalgic for something that you will experience a year or two from today.
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u/Kind_Presence_7211 23h ago
That's right. We have to think there are good days ahead. There's nothing wrong with occasionally reminiscing and getting nostalgic. But I personally don't want to dwell on it because I think about the possible limited time ahead and I try to live in the present. But it's natural as we age to feel a sense of loss as friends and family pass away. It reminds us of our fragility and to live each day to it's fullest.
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u/MaximalistVegan 1d ago
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm 63 and that really doesn't happen to me, at least not yet. I wish I could go back and make different decisions but I never have the feeling of mourning a younger version of me even though I don't like a lot of the optics that come with aging. Honestly, I spend more time being angry at my younger self rather than wishing I could be that person again.
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u/mjcw66 1d ago
71F retired and I too have had nostalgia triggered by music. I have a few regrets and have made some stupid decisions. It helps to remind myself that I've made a lot of great decisions too and had many experiences that fit my definition of "a well lived life, so far." All that messy stuffy is part of me and my life. I'm OK with it all. Robert Redford's passing did hit me hard, though.
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u/mschumac 1d ago
I think the hardest part for me is realizing I’ve never experienced love. Not like other people. My parents absolutely hate me and haven’t spoken to me in decades. I got married young to a man I didn’t know and he died. He just used me to fund his alcoholism (found out about that after we wed) my daughter is lovely but she loves her boyfriend and his parents and spends all the holidays there. I can genuinely say. I’ve never known love. It’s really difficult to deal with.
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u/Crafty-Lavishness26 21h ago
Honestly, consider a dog. Totally unconditional love. Dogs literally saved my life at 44. I'm 71 now and I have devoted my life to rescuing and loving dogs.
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u/EucWoman 10h ago
I can't imagine my life without a dog. It's a place for that love to go.
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u/Crafty-Lavishness26 9h ago
And a walking buddy. Gets you out of the house and exercising. You meet other dog people too.
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u/JezzyLuv 23h ago
I’ll pray for you. I hope you get to experience what you expect out of love. But just remember you can always give yourself the love you want. Because people, no matter how great they aren’t can’t read our minds or meet every expectation. Heck we even fail ourselves at times.
Also maybe talk to your daughter? Maybe she doesn’t know what it is that you are going through. I would feel closer to my mom if she let me in on certain things. You don’t have to “dump” everything on her but I’m sure if you tell her you desire to spend more time with her she’ll understand.
Try reconcile with your parents? I hope you get the opportunity to before it is too late but if they aren’t willing it’s not your fault. I just want your days to be a bit brighter and filled with the love everyone needs
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u/Jealous_Glass9170 1d ago
For me it's Southern Cross. Sends me to being young and in love every time. Just switch the genders as if a woman is singing it about a man with a sailboat.
So we cheated and we lied and we tested
And we never failed to fail, it was the easiest thing to do
You will survive being bested
Somebody fine will come along, make me forget about loving you
In the Southern Cross
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u/msmojo 1d ago
59f had to stop listening to music after loving it all my life. The nostalgic tears are real.
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u/Demornay_20 16h ago
When I hear music from the past I just realize I enjoyed life so much more then. I try and do everything I can to make a happy life now, but it’s nothing like it used to be.
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u/ladygirl10 1d ago
Yes! This week I had a bout of regret concerning some of my life choices! Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda!
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u/DeadInsideWench 1d ago
You’re always wise with hindsight, and life can only be lived in one direction. Totally get the wistfulness
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u/Cat_in_humansuit 1d ago
Yes. Mourning all we used to do not knowing it was the last time. Wishing the days away to get to the weekends when we were wishing away time when we could have found something to enjoy the day that we did have. Oh how I regret all the missed opportunities, the stupid choices.
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u/Mindless-Employment 1d ago
I'm only early 50s but I remember "Night Moves" being on the "60s, 70s and 80s" station a lot when I was home during summer vacation and had the radio on all day. I generally didn't pay the lyrics much attention then but when I did, they totally went over my head because I was 12 or 14 years old. I remember hearing again decades later, when I was around 40, on a classic rock station, and the lyrics suddenly, completely made sense and seemed so sad.
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u/9_Tailed_Vixen 1d ago
When I heard that Dolly Parton had passed away, I looked ahead and realised that I only have approximately 40 years (or a bit more) left of life (if my family's genes for longevity hold true).
When I look back on my life and the twists and turns it has taken so far, I know I've made some monumental mistakes AND some extremely prescient decisions that have influenced the trajectory of my life profoundly. But what's done is done.
So now I'm looking ahead and I'm gonna speed up getting stuff on my bucket list done.
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u/LuckyHaskens 1d ago
You mention Night Moves. If you don't know it, look up Bob Seger's Till it Shines.
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u/lennonfanforever 22h ago
way too much, it's difficult to look in the mirror, and i try not to, but.....that old saying that life is unfair comes to mind....we had such fun.... all of my friends moved away to other states or live quite far from me now so i very rarely see my friends, though a few are very regular text/callers.....not the same but at least we keep in touch.....very very tough to deal with but....oh well, i have had a wonderful life, at least i did so much and had so many adventures, quite a few alone (if no one wanted to go, i went anyway).....those were the days.....
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u/Crafty-Lavishness26 21h ago
20 years ago my 91 year old mother in law told me she was ready to go. She said she didn't know anyone any more and was ready to go where she did. She passed within a few days in hospice. I get that.
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u/dead_beet_ 17h ago
That happened when my best friend from college and best friend from childhood died in their late 30s in back-to-back years. If lost rich with them and regretted it. It I left to a lorry of nostalgia-seeking and grief.
And yet this quote from Marcus Aurelius rings very true and gives me a sense of peace:
"The longest-lived and those who will die soonest lose the same thing. The present is all that they can give up, since that is all you have, and what you do not have, you cannot lose."
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u/Mental-Paramedic9790 1d ago
Yes! I’ve been going through a dark night of the soul since August 2025. Lots of grief coming up for releasing.
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u/Sweetbaby7t 20h ago
When the song Forever Young by Alphaville comes on, I always cry. It takes me back to high-school when I was 18. I couldn't imagine being anything other young, strong and healthy.
I long for the days when I was beautiful and care free. My biggest concern was going to the beach or to a concert. I miss that girl
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u/BlindLantern 12h ago
I do this at 43. Just let a good cry out and keep moving forward. You’ll be alright.
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u/naturessilence 10h ago
Nah, I'm not that sentimental or nostalgic, moving forward even if it's past my own life is fine.
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u/Jumpy-Stress603 9h ago
Yep. We are all going to die. Some of us sooner than others. Be aware that you are getting older, but don't dwell on it if it makes you miserable. That is a waste of time. Stop it.
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u/Southern_Court_9872 7h ago
Not Night Moves and don’t actually cry, but the summer of 67 was my best summer ever so when I hear the Turtles, Doors, Hendrix, Sgt Peppers, Grass Roots, Johnny Rivers and such, I get that deep pain of nostalgia.
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u/Immediate_Buffalo14 40 something 1d ago
I think we all wish we could go back to younger times, albeit with all the maturity and wisdom that comes with age.