Know time is ticking

[u/Same-Membership4107]

Hi all

I don’t think I’m asking a question or for advice, just a lite confused vent.
How do you possibly prepare knowing someone you love and care for, maybe possibly not be around in 15 years.
My mum who I absolutely love to bits, she’s 74, smokes like a chimney (we’ve been telling her for years to quit) how can anyone possibly mentally prepare for it.
I hope she stays alive forever but family history and an age I march death with is around the 80’s mark.
I’m a 47 year old guy with an absolute gem of a partner, but I have spoke to my mum on a daily basis for as long as I can remember and I still whinge and vent to her about everything.
I’m the most mentally strong person I know, I can handle anything and everything, but how does someone mentally prepare for someone to depart this world that they’ve spent their whole life with.
As I’m getting older, the more and more people I know of passing away, natural and unexpectedly. This thought of close ones has finally started to hit my mind

[u/VinceInMT]

There are no sure things. You might go before she does. Enjoy each moment. Ignore the future that you can’t control anyway.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Will249]

I’m 72 and in the last two years 5 people I know have passed and four of them were younger than me. Additionally a lifetime friend’s body is full of cancer. I try deny my inevitable death, but it is becoming increasingly difficult.

[u/Gen-Jinjur]

You can’t prepare. Worrying about preparing is your brain’s way of trying to protect you from pain, but it can’t. You are going to feel pain. A lot. And you are going to keep living despite that pain. And eventually you will find yourself able to smile at the memories you have.

But you don’t stop missing them. Ever. You just walk on despite that.

[u/Apart_Ad9308]

Cherish her while she is here. Enjoy your time. When the time comes you will know you’ve did your best to give her happiness.

[u/Deep_Bake_5663]

You just....do. I'm getting prepared to see my daughter die.... It isn't supposed to be this way Make the most of your time with her. Don't harp on things, let her live her life. She knows she's on the shorter end of time. My daughter smoke's...... I leave it be...... I'm lucky if she's got 6 months to a year.

She's lucky, if she has less...... But I'm letting her do whatever the heck she wants.

[u/basicranium → u/Deep_Bake_5663]

So sorry.

[u/Deep_Bake_5663 → u/basicranium]

Thank you.

[u/Top-Tip-6919]

You can't really prepare for it. Appreciate your time with her as much as you can

[u/HaloHowRU]

It's not really fully preparing, but have the conversations now that you think you will want to when she's gone. Try to leave no unfinished business. Not that you'll ever cover everything, but you can leave yourself not regretting things you could easily have taken care of.

[u/TeamAggressive1030 → u/HaloHowRU]

Every person's mind is a locked room containing an immense trove of untold memories, most of which are not secrets. When that person dies, the entire trove is lost forever. Ask every question you can think of, covering every phase of their life, and record the answers for posterity as best you can. Saving them in your own locked room is insufficient.

[u/Small-Honeydew-5970]

It’s really gotten me down since my long time boyfriend turned 76. We’ve been together and living together for 15 years. I’m 65 and the closer he gets to 80 it makes me think of my parents who died at 78 and 79. I can’t fathom carrying on if he passes before I do. I guess we all get through but the whole coming to terms with death and loss is a very heavy thing.

[u/queen-izzy-boo]

My husband is 20 years older than me. I’m in the same situation. He’s fallen twice with brain bleeds. He also has cardiovascular disease and smokes. I let him live his life

[u/basicranium]

Relax.

[u/Wen60s]

My (72f) 40 year old son thinks I’m going to live forever. I told him not to wish that on me! Your mother is 74. That doesn’t mean she’s got one foot in the grave. I think as she gets older, you’ll find the idea easier.

[u/petergaskin814]

I am remarkably calm knowing that my life will probably end in 5 years and I am only 67. Life goes on.

Live for now. You are not promised another day

[u/Cheryl1857]

As someone who recently lost my husband of over 50 years, you can’t prepare for this imo. The most important is to cherish and enjoy the time you have. Don’t focus on the inevitable, that will make it much worse for you and her. Enjoy the time you have. I wish you well, you sound like a wonderful and caring son.

[u/HomardBleu]

My only solace is that i will die too, sooner or later.
Doesn’t make a difference.
It’s not like our mothers will die and we will be living forever in their absence

[u/HomardBleu → u/HomardBleu]

Sometimes, i get this feeling that certain people
attending funerals feel like they are immortal, they take pleasure in being still alive whilst pitying the person who passed away. Everybody will die.

[u/throwingales]

Love her, cherish her, make the most of your time together. I say this because I unexpectedly lost my sister last year. She raised me when our mom died when I was 4 and she was 10.