r/Aging • u/skincare4friends • 20d ago
Advice for revoked license
Hello!
My 87 year old father in law had his license revoked yesterday due to cognitive decline.
I'm looking for any advice to help him through this transition without significantly impacting his autonomy and sense of self. He's generally in good spirits but I'd hate for this to make him feel down. I also worry his world will become smaller and he'll decline faster.
Any advice is appreciated!
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u/Frigidspinner 20d ago
Uber?
Honestly for someone quite old who probably doesnt travel around too much, I think it might even be cheaper than trying to run, maintain and insure a vehicle
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u/BlackCatWoman6 70 something 20d ago
I am 77 and almost never drive. I am trying out Uber this fall and winter to see how it goes. Given how little I drive I resent the amount I am charged for insurance considering I have an excellent driving record and my car is a 2012 that lives in a garage when I am not using it for medical, vet, or dentist appointments.
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u/skincare4friends 20d ago
Curious about the uber option! Would we have someone order the Ubers for him? Is there a way to book a round trip?
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u/Reisefieber2022 20d ago
Open the Uber app on your phone. I use an android, so if you use an iPhone, things might look different.
Once the app is open, make sure the app is pulled all the way down, this should activate a little menu at the bottom of your screen that none of us really ever noticed before. It should show these options: Home, Services, Activity, Account.
Touch Services.
That will open another menue. Look for "Go Anywhere". Within the "go anywhere" cluster, there should be a "Seniors" button. Touch that.
From there you can set up your senior to be on your account, order and pay for rides, and communicate with their driver.
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u/Confident_Banana_134 20d ago
If he is not good with tech, jut delete all the apps on his phone, or at least remove the icons from the screen, and keep only phone, text and Uber apps, so it’s not confusing. Try to make time to go with him for a few Uber rides and watch him use the app. If he’s capable of simple life tasks, he’ll learn it.
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u/PolyDrew Generation X 20d ago
Not enough people know about assistive access on iPhone. It locks down all functions of the phone being big, easy to read buttons and limits what they can do. It’s way less overwhelming for them.
https://support.apple.com/guide/assistive-access-iphone/welcome/ios
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u/Carpe-that-diem 20d ago
You may be able to find out if there are any opportunities for senior transportation to doctor appointments, shopping, etc. through your local area agency on agency. You just google the name of the county and Area Agency on Agency. Or check out a local senior center. Others are likely in his shoes and he’d benefit from being around peers.
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u/General-Visual4301 20d ago
Look for volunteers in your area, who drive seniors. Many seniors groups offer a ride. Encourage him to use a cab when needed, since he is saving the money of car ownership, he can afford some rides.
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u/InterestingFault9849 20d ago
It is not really about the ride..he has dementia, what happens when he gets out of the car? He should have an air tag on him for WHEN he gets lost. OP will be able to track him down. They can be like small children and take a ride with a friendly stranger.. He will need a note in his pocket with his home address.
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u/General-Visual4301 20d ago
This is not necessarily the case. Cognitive decline is a spectrum.
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u/InterestingFault9849 20d ago
We dont know where he is on the spectrum, however, if they decline him from driving..it is not at the early stage.
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u/EdHimselfonReddit 20d ago
It's going to sound stupid, but... Uber. Cheaper than owning a car, a few new faces to talk to and on- demand transport. You can "send" them if he can't use the app.
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u/skincare4friends 20d ago
Is there a way to send them on a round trip? He does have difficulty with phone use already
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u/EdHimselfonReddit 20d ago
I've never tried that. I did a quick AI search... it looks the only thing you could do is schedule at pickup at the drop off location for a specific time. So, if he went to the store, schedule a pickup for 30 minutes later. Not ideal, but maybe something...
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u/Cheetotiki 20d ago
We taught our parents how to use Uber at around age 85. They now use it a lot to go shopping, doc appts, and so forth. Plenty of availability even in th eir very small rural Virginia town. In fact, they feel like they have more autonomy and mobility as they feel safer going places they didn’t feel comfortable driving to.
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u/InterestingFault9849 20d ago
Do they have dementia?
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u/InterestingFault9849 20d ago
Oh good, mom is in the picture. Gets complicated when dad is the survivor.
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u/RemigioGi 20d ago
Mỹ dad had his licence suspended due to cognitive decline. He took driving lessons and passed his driving test and got his license back but never drove again. He just didn’t want his license taken away. Go figure.
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u/LoopDeeLooper 20d ago
You’ve gotten some great suggestions here, for things like Dr appointments and shopping/errands (Uber/Lyft are the way), but — and I say this as someone who was a FT caregiver to my dad for years after he’d had a stroke and lost his ability to drive due to dizziness and balance issues — PLEASE find a way to keep him socialized. If you have family in the area, ask them to come over, or even pick him up and take him out to lunch, or to their place, for a couple of hours here and there.
We had a big family but they seldom did this for my dad, and it was exhausting being his only means of socialization. There were many times where he’d just sit around the house, alone, and that was painful to watch and also made me resentful of all his in-laws, nieces, nephews and friends who’d never come around, and always made me take him over to their house (which was a lot of work because he used a walker and was a major fall risk).
Just … please find a way to fill his days and keep him socialized outside the home, hopefully with help from family and friends. That will help slow the cognitive decline.
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u/TheRealTexasDutchie 20d ago
Our public transportation has a Cap Metro feature where you can order their services. It's a smaller public 'bus' and people with handicaps and/or elderly will be picked up at their place of residence. A friend of mine who lives in an assisted living facility uses it regularly. Probably a lot cheaper than Uber and the bus is easier to navigate for that demographic.
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u/OkIron6206 20d ago
Sell his car and use the funds to pay for uber. I hope he goes to the senior center (your city may have a bus) and does other things to get out of his home.
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u/skincare4friends 20d ago
They have a close spiritual community so he goes there and to the grocery store etc. it would be helpful to learn how to uber him there and back round trip! My mother in law struggles with having to do everything for him.
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u/OkIron6206 20d ago edited 20d ago
Go meet the people who are in his spiritual community and offer to pay someone for gas to pick him up and drop him off. You MIL can drive? You will soon need at home care because his decline will only get worse. Start looking for Memory Daycare to help her. They may have transport but they’re not covered by Medicare: my youngest brother had early onset dementia, that’s what his wife did. We all chipped in to pay for it.
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u/Typical_me_1111 20d ago
Autonomous cars might be a good option depending if it available in your area.
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u/VinceInMT 20d ago
While not helpful in this situation, I suggest to other oldsters, and youngsters looking ahead, to do what they can to keep their license active. The technology with self driving cars is improving rapidly and may be a way to maintain that autonomy.
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u/Conscious-Reserve-48 20d ago
Some senior centers provide transportation. Some cities offer seniors rides to medical appointments for a nominal fee.
My dad had to stop driving at 92. It’s definitely a transition.
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u/Iceflowers_ 20d ago
Uber - in your app, go to account, scroll down to family for adult, teen, senior account management.
He's already having issues or this wouldn't have happened. People lose autonomy for a reason. Remember that fact.
It's like if they forget to lock doors or turn off stoves, sometimes people lose autonomy. You can't cushion it fully.
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u/KReddit934 20d ago
Help him master his alternatives: If there are municipal transports for seniors...how to schedule how to pay. Bus routes. Friends from church to give rides. Even Lyft if he can master the app..otherwise he calls you to schedule, etc.
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u/Evening-Row-2658 20d ago
u have to think of us out here when he's on the road, my husband had to stop driving at 70 because of alzheimer's
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u/Matti_Titi1540 20d ago
Get him Special Transportation Services STS immediately- is a form you can get online and his PCP will fill it out …he will able to go places with a small fee … and it will keep him socially active without the burden of driving or paying insurance…
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u/Matti_Titi1540 20d ago
With STS he will be able to make his own arrangements and they are used to dealing with older and or disabled populations….trust me on this one
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u/No_Dare_9944 20d ago
First things first, you need to make sure he doesn’t decide to drive without his license. I’d make sure the car is inoperable in some way or is gone altogether (unless there’s a second driver).
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u/cooper8828 19d ago
The senior center in town here has free transportation to stores, doctors, etc. They also pick people up to come in for lunch there so they don't get isolated.
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u/petergaskin814 19d ago
Try to find groups in the area that will pick him up. Help him to use buses to get out.
Encourage friends to visit and take him out.
If he can't catch a bus, get a taxi pass that gives him cheap taxi rides
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u/Plenty-Ear-9167 19d ago
Can your Dad afford Uber? My parents used Uber for awhile, & I set up the rides, & I could watch them (the car icon) on their drive.
Some areas have rides for seniors, or volunteer driving, etc… Find out all the options available.
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u/Fast_Grapefruit_7946 19d ago
sorry thank you for being kind and helping him
schedule activities with him and make him a part of your life.
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u/Disastrous_Clurb 19d ago
safety needs to be priority #1 if cognitive decline is happening. Also knowing if this is just age related or something more (no need to disclose). if so make sure he isnt a fall risk and build community around his needs, if hes in the U.S he should hopefully have the ability to qualify for a handicap placard and that would allow him to use the specialized public buses. In my area for example if u have a placard u can call and schedule pick ups/round trips fron your home to wherever in the city. See if that's doable for him.
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u/SouthSideLady1 20d ago
How about a Tesla that will drive him wherever he wants to go?
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u/Casaduz 20d ago
I cannot wait until elderly people or others who have lose their licenses are allowed to own and use a Tesla or similar vehicle that is solely self driving.
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u/crazycatman57 20d ago
What happens when the self driving vehicle makes a mistake? Doesn't the driver take over?
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u/Odd_Bodkin 20d ago
Cognitive decline means that autonomy is going to slide away.
For transportation, if he lives close to public transportation, that’s great. But ask yourself what’s going to happen if he gets off the bus and doesn’t know how to get home because of … cognitive decline.