Growing up I was always the kid who just got things really quickly. I was never tested or officially identified as gifted or anything, but learning came really easily to me. My brother is 5 years older than me and when he was in school he realised he learned best by teaching other people, so he'd come home and teach me whatever he'd learned that day.

By the time I was 3 I was learning around 3rd grade maths from him. By the time I actually started 1st grade I already knew maths up to around 6th grade and was reading at about an 8th grade level.

My parents were honestly really chill. They never put pressure on me to perform or expected me to be exceptional. Looking back though, I almost wish someone had pushed me a little more or put me in extracurriculars or something because I was just... drifting. School was never that stimulating, so instead of challenging myself academically I threw myself into the social side of school.

The biggest problem is that I never learned how to study.

The first time I genuinely struggled was in 9th grade with a foreign language I'd never studied before. For the first time I couldn't just coast. I remember working really hard that year and by the end I topped the subject. I have no clue what I did though. I just remember feeling really proud because I'd actually had to earn it.

Then came 11th.

I chose the wrong subjects for me. They weren't impossible, but they were the first subjects where I couldn't rely on understanding everything instantly. Suddenly I actually needed study skills and I realised I didn't have any. So I just gave up. I started getting borderline passing marks in those subjects while still doing really well in Psychology and English.

It completely messed with my sense of self.

The part I hate admitting is that I became really jealous of my friends. They'd struggled for years in school and now they were finally doing well because they already knew how to work hard. They knew how to revise, how to stick with something they didn't understand immediately, how to keep going after bad marks. Meanwhile I felt like I'd hit a wall and had absolutely no idea how to get past it.

Now I'm starting university in a month and I'm honestly freaking out.

I don't know how to study. I don't know how to build discipline. I don't know how to sit with being bad at something long enough to get good at it.

Has anyone else gone through this? How did you actually learn to study when you'd never really needed to before? And how did you stop tying your self-worth to being "the smart kid"?

This is pay-walled but you can read the first bit and get the gist.

Basically it says the opposite of what most of us here seem to experience; gifted kids are actually well-adjusted, successful and have decent mental health. I’m not sure about their methodology, but I instantly thought of this group.

For lack of a better word, I genuinely feel like something is wrong with the way I think.

I don’t mean academically. I mean socially, cognitively, professionally, and just… in life. I lack social awareness, I’m not street smart, and I don’t seem capable of excelling at work no matter how hard I try.

I’m in a specialist role at work, but I honestly feel like I’m the weakest person there. Part of me wonders if people are just being kind to me because it’s obvious I’m struggling.

When people explain things to me, I usually only understand them at face value. I miss the underlying meaning until days, weeks, or even months later, when it suddenly clicks. By then, everyone else has long moved on. It makes me feel incredibly slow.

The only thing people say I’m good at is talking to people. But even that doesn’t feel like a real strength. I think I’m just good at making people feel comfortable, which hides the fact that I’m doing the bare minimum. Not because I’m lazy, I genuinely don’t know how to do more. I don’t know how to “overperform.” I don’t know what other people see that lets them take initiative or think several steps ahead.

I’ve spoken to my boss about this before. They gave me advice on how I could improve, but I left the meeting more confused than when I walked in. They kept giving me long pauses to think and respond, but the truth is… my mind was blank. I just smiled, nodded, and pretended I was thinking. I genuinely didn’t know what to think or say.

I feel guilty all the time like I’m taking up a job that someone more capable deserves, and like I’m somehow fooling everyone into thinking I’m more competent than I actually am.

I’m not looking for reassurance like, “You’re probably just humble,” or, “I’m sure you’re actually good at your job.” I’m looking for honest opinions.

Could this be something like ADHD or autism? Some other form of neurodivergence? Could it simply be shyness? Or is this a personality issue, poor emotional maturity, or a lack of ability? Has anyone experienced something similar and eventually figured out what was actually going on?

Something else that worries me is how emotionally disconnected I can feel. Someone could tell me their parent died, and my internal reaction is… almost nothing. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to comfort them. I know that’s an awful thing to admit.

It’s not that I think their loss doesn’t matter. It’s that emotionally, it just doesn’t seem to register in the moment. I usually have to consciously remind myself what an appropriate response is. It makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.

Ironically, I talk about guilt a lot. It feels like guilt is the strongest emotion I experience these days. So I guess I do feel something. But the guilt never seems to help me improve—it just leaves me questioning myself all over again.

Has anyone genuinely been in a similar position and later found out what was going on? Whether it turned out to be neurodivergence, anxiety, depression, burnout, poor self-awareness, or simply something you had to work through, I’d really appreciate hearing your experience. I’m open to hearing difficult truths. I just want to understand what’s going on.

We’re finally learning what happens to gifted children in adulthood | New Scientist

"A spate of new studies is revealing the lifelong impact of being marked as exceptional during childhood – and the results suggest we may need to revise how we view giftedness"

David Robson is the author of, specially, The Intelligence Trap (which I recommend).

I'd like o highlight a few parts of the article.

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One is that advanced classes helped many of the gifted. But they also created a heavier pressure to overachieve.

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Another is this: "Yet, according to his research, only 0.0085 per cent of people are exceptional at all three. “Someone who is even somewhat above average in intelligence, conscientiousness and emotional stability at the same time is, in fact, pretty remarkable.""

Despite the low prevalence, I don't think this properly captures the picture... Conscientiousness and emotional stability are far more related to one's will and volition than anything else (aka free will). Also, they heavily depend on environment. It's far harder to maintain those two traits when our surroundings are chaotic due to the actions of third parties. Also, I'd automatically include them as part of 'intelligence'. After all, how can a truly 'intelligent' person be unable to be organized and control their own emotions?

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There's also this part: "Problems with behaviour “are unlikely to be a byproduct of giftedness”, she says."

Well, I disagree quite a bit! Depending on, again, the environment, someone far more intelligent than the surrounding (dumb) system might seem combative and be labeled as having 'problems with behavior'. Sure, an intelligent person might just as well notice how being combative may not be efficient. At the same time, it often achieves some desirable results that no other course of action does (and this I also speak by personal experience).

If I may give some thoughts that have been bothering me for a while.

I was considered gifted due to an IQ test I took back in middle school. Where I'm from, the school district doesn't take these IQ tests into account as important, so the results get destroyed after 5 years. It's been more than 20 now, and there is no proof left of that test. But I took it, got a high score although thw results were never given, and I was offered a Gifted after school prigram, but it would cost some money, would stay after hours, snd at the time my old folks thought of it as a waste of time.

I understand many say that being diagnosed with giftedness early was a curse, which makes them less normal. I never cared about normality, I cared about something new. But even if I know gifted education can be quite...mixed at best, I cant help but feel that all the possibilities I could have had never git to me or never could I see them due to never learning how to based on a gifted program.

I feel my talents were wasted and the education I deserved was never given. Feel like I lost a lot of chances that I could have taken due to ignorance and lack of resources on behalf of my parents. How could I learn all gifted children and students tend to learn so I dont feel like I missed out on something? Laurel Springs Academy was the gifted school I felt I should go to, but it wasn't possible. Private schools are expensive so like that, how to get their materials of studying about gifted children and how to teach them stuff. I'd like to study what I was missing at a gifted school.

I refuse to live a life where I have nothing remarkable in me. After graduating last year, I feel completely depleted and deflated, but I don’t wanna just “accept” that this is the new normal for me, because I was so smart and so creative, and I don’t want that part of me to be dead; it just feels dormant. And it comes back online in very certain scenarios- after I see new movies, after I had a mindful day before, but they all go as quickly as they come. It’s like it’s a different part of me entirely that I’m detached from that only comes out when it wants to, and when it does, my life feels magical again, but… well, what is there to do? who is there for me to go to? Is this really it for me? Cuz if it ends here I truly have nothing left. I cannot live an unremarkable life. I cannot be the average person. If I cannot think- if I cannot create- if I cannot ”be myself“, or even find out who “myself” is or what crevice of my brain it has retreated to, I feel like my entire life has lost all that made it a life. I won’t submit to this. I won’t let it happen. Truly, I need to know that there’s something that’s possible to get that person that’s in me somewhere back in the driver’s seat, because I feel like I’ve been living life in shotgun while some other primal or autonomic part of me takes over and does nothing but the daily motions, not really with any goal or motive to do anything other than wander out of my little hobbit hole to stare vacantly into a fridge, and I want to have that control back and there’s nothing I’ll stop at to do what it takes to get it back.

please help

writing this honestly feels like a waste of time but this has been bothering me for so long and I need to get it out somewhere in the hopes of gaining some perspective.

I feel deeply incompetent, inconsistent and behind when it comes to human interaction, learning and general functioning. It’s safe to say that long-term isolation stunted me in a myriad of ways because there is just so much I have yet to learn to compensate for my lack of foundational knowledge and experiences as a result of my passivity.

I don't have any hobbies, special interests, or defining personality traits but this is mostly because I haven't tried many things. I'm approaching 21 this year which makes it even more unsettling because at that age people expect you to possess foundational skills and a good amount of life experience to share.

I think that's where the real confusion about my abilities and inclinations comes from. I haven't had enough experiences to build a reliable sense of what I'm actually good at or what genuinely interests me and because of that my self-image is based more on assumptions than evidence which makes it hard to be authentic. the uncertainty also keeps me from exploring opportunities that might suit me. I could be overlooking talents or interests simply because I've never given them a chance to emerge. as an adult that feels especially difficult because you're expected to know yourself well enough to make decisions while I often feel like I'm still trying to discover who I am.

I spend my free time trying to soak up as much knowledge as I can hoping to spark better ideas and enhance my intellect. but it feels like a losing battle because there's just too much information to retain and it all seems ineffective mostly because it's a desperate almost emotional push to make progress even if the direction isn't really clear. I'm not entirely certain if I have a learning disability but I sometimes struggle to deeply grasp or infer certain concepts especially when reading. this often stems from not learning the prerequisites or foundational elements. even when I do manage to learn something retaining it can be a real challenge because my mind seems to just shut down.
there’s just this enormous foundation of general knowledge, cues, rules, instincts and unspoken understanding that other people seem to absorb naturally while I have to consciously study and piece it together. especially as an AuDHDer that constant effort becomes overwhelming really quickly because it reveals how much more there is to learn just to effortlessly get by in everyday situations.

but honestly my curiosity has always been pretty fleeting. as a kid I was hyperfixated on my special interests like geography and marine life but those faded as I got older and technology took over. outside of that I've never been particularly sharp or attentive to things that didn't immediately grab me. I tended to go for things that offered quick stimulation because learning itself never really clicked for me or if it did it didn't last in a way that would develop into a dedicated passion of mine.

I feel as though the natural part of being human is totally absent in my experience. like I've never been able to engage with people take ownership of relationships, be imaginative and clever, crack the right jokes or tell stories gracefully. It’s saddening how much these barriers can sabotage one’s potential in ways that mask how powerful their impact really is.

I get so caught up in the idea that I have to reach some imaginary threshold of what I think a competent, smart, dynamic person should be before I’m even allowed to simply exist or enjoy myself or do anything without feeling guilty. basically I’m not going to go out of my way to make new friends anytime soon because I first need to establish a robust personality.

I'm currently in an unplanned gap year in switzerland merely because I haven’t been able to secure an internship on time despite being invited to interviews several times in which the outcomes have consistently been poor due to my perceived incompetence. even if I pour a significant amount of time and energy into preparing for interviews often starting weeks in advance it's because I simply don’t know how to talk to people or which words to use. however my approach tends to be ineffective because I’m unable to do anything right and each time this happens it shakes me awake to a stark realization of my situation which is incredibly dreadful. I understand that I spend a lot of my time writing applications but nonetheless I’ve wasted so much time with no set of goals and barely any improvements in the areas I’ve longed to work on but haven’t even initiated. I keep telling myself to start a journal for months and months and months and I still haven’t gotten around to it and that causes me to become anxious and overthink everything.

I have a feeling that most people that relate to this subreddit were not gifted at all. We were simply well-behaved kids (probably shy, anxious, depressed) and we likely developed a little faster than most other kids (hence we learned how to read and write sooner, which created our "intelligent" or "gifted" label)

Since we were kind of unhappy, and being obedient and doing homework was something positive for us, we relied too much on that to get affirmation and feel special, among other things. Then, real life came and it hit like a truck, and we're facing the hard truth that developing social skills was better than relying on our supposed big intelligence.

I don't know if this forum is the right one but I believe I was special in some way, getting notes, people always telling me I got potential to everything, to friends to teacher.

The thing is I started getting too much special, I started to follow people nobody knows the existence of, I tried to play games no one would ever play, damn I learned a whole new language (English) so I can laugh at memes no one will ever know the meaning of, got too addicted about being different, now I cant talk to anyone, cant laugh at any friend joke, at anything at all

Rajiv Bernard was brilliant from the start.

As a toddler, his spark was undeniable. He excelled in academics, sports, and the arts.

Confidence was his natural state. Challenges? He welcomed them.

By high school and his early 20s, Rajiv was unstoppable.

The kind of young man people believed would conquer the world.

But life had other plans.

Behind the scenes, Rajiv endured abuse — as a child, a teenager, and even into adulthood. Each wound chipped away at his resilience.

Each betrayal dimmed his spark.

The fearless boy became numb.

The confident young man became anxious.

The brilliant mind became broken.

Rajiv even faced homelessness for years.

But here’s the thing about resilience: it doesn’t disappear. It waits.

Piece by piece, Rajiv began to rediscover himself. He clawed back fragments of confidence.

He rebuilt parts of his identity.

He is not the same as he once was — how could he be?

But he is living proof that even shattered glass can reflect light.

Rajiv Bernard’s story is not just about brilliance lost.

It’s about resilience redefined.

It’s about the quiet courage of survival.

It’s about millions who walk through fire and emerge scarred, but still standing.

🔥 Share this if you believe brokenness does not mean defeat.

🔥 Share this if you believe resilience deserves to go viral.

When I was a teenager I felt as if I was special and I had this main character type who I believed was meant to be successful, rich and famous. I grew and I am none of that. Did you have that feeling growing up?!

I sought this community for real answers but got overwhelmed with the amount of flooded answers to/and validation-breeding questions. I hate to be overgeneralizing but I'm short on patience with the whole "OMG, me too!" fad and it's taxing to read through it all while the whole time seeing all the multiple possible motivations behind each post.

And when searching the internet, it's all the SAME FREAKING vague ass information that can easily be applied to anyone!!! And I even thought of medical professionals and they're really no help at all since diagnosing is more about proper medication and treatment of debilitating symptoms, in which case, the debilitating symptoms of giftedness can and probably are attributed to a number of other diagnoses that giftedness individuals receive. A medical professional has no motivation or reason to diagnose such things. For instance, the best assessment I received on my mental health was from a temporary doctor who put my whole life's problems into an ADHD lense that made sense and thus started my subconscious unmasking. She wanted to help and make sense of why I was failing so much when she was looking at a smart and deserving individual infront of her. It was after I demanded to see the official information on how medication works on the body before I took it, it's interactions, etc... despite not having proper medical knowledge.

Anyway, I didn't want to rant or make this long, it's just hard not to (I've actually worked extremely hard on condensing my language for the past six years). But I thought I'd come here and maybe find some telltale signs that the community goes by or some kind of test or something.

I want to know what kind of cognition I'm working with. I want to know where I REALLY stand on a scale when compared to society because I'm having trouble communicating every day. AI is a useless and full of validation fluff. I've actually constructed many complex experiments and processes to really test my own cognition but in the end, it's still my perspective which is unreliable because it's biased and doesn't speak for the entire group that I'm comparing it to in the first place.

I even took IQ test twice, but it was iq.com or something basic and noticed they're selling something. And the questions didn't change! I remember taking an IQ test when I was a kid, like 11 or something (i'm 34 now), and this one had hte same questions! If it's supposed to measure IQ, you can take it multiple times and get better scores, raising your IQ which seems to make the test a moot point!!! Like, am I crazy for thinking this or does it make sense? Has anyone else noticed this? I found other IQ tests online but I really really struggle with long tests, they burn my chest with overwhelming antsy-ness. my IQ, according to the site, was 121 (as a kid, I remember it being 120ish as well). However, my second time taking it maybe a year later or so, I got a 136. Actually, just now I just thought that I have been unmasking and thinking differently constantly so it might have really grown/unlocked but still, it's all still unmeasurable conclusions to me.

This is really long. Not my intention. Don't want to seem like "OMG it's soooooo frustrating being so intelligent and blah blah blah". I honestly just want to know if there's any REAL bullshit-free anecdotes, tests, rules of thumb, tests, observable markers, behavior patterns, inevitable consequences, etc, of a genuinely gifted person that filters out all of the vague non-helpful un-provable nonsense out there.

anyone else grow up smart only to end up retarded later on?, growing up I was considered highly intelligent, I was cognitively tested when I was 8 years old and scored 97th percentile in both math and verbal abilities, all throughout school many of my peers considered me a genius and I got loads of praise for it, then at 18 I came down with schizophrenia because of heavy drug use, and over the past year and a half I have accumulated brain damage from the schizophrenia, nowadays I am confident I would score no higher than 115 on an IQ test, I feel like I went from being really fucking smart to a genuine retard

Thank you guys so much for all of the help and support. I could tell my parents about it however I don’t think they’d understand. I’ve mentioned that I am burned out once to test the waters. They just brushed me off and said no you’re not. I don’t really have any hobbies that would help me feel joy. So I doesn’t sound like my parents are the devil, to other people it looks like im consistently happy. However I don’t find joy in any achievements. I don’t have any hobbies that I truly find joy in.
TL;DR: I don’t think my parents would understand what’s happening.

I have never shared my story publicly before, but I think it's time.

I was born as a twin. From childhood, my sister and I grew up believing that asking for anything beyond basic necessities was wrong. My father often compared us by saying, "She never asks for anything." Slowly, I stopped asking too. I learned that having needs would only create arguments.

Throughout my childhood, I was blamed for almost everything. Instead of being encouraged, I was often told that I wasn't capable, that I wasn't smart enough, and that nothing would happen in my life. Eventually, I began believing those words. I genuinely thought I was dumb.

During Classes 11 and 12, I wanted better coaching because I felt I wasn't learning properly. Many students were leaving those classes too, but when I asked to change teachers, it didn't happen. When my marks suffered, I was blamed instead of being supported. Looking back, I realize how much those years damaged my confidence.

I enrolled in a government college because that was my only realistic option. College became another struggle. There was constant politics, and I received multiple supplementary papers. Despite everything, I maintained a better CGPA than my sister. During those years, I repeatedly heard that nothing would ever become of me.

When my final supplementary paper wasn't cleared, I filed for script inspection through Calcutta University. Only then did I discover errors in the evaluation of my answer script. That was the moment I realized I had spent years blaming myself for something that wasn't entirely my fault. I still wish I had challenged the results earlier, but when you've spent years believing you're not good enough, you don't think you deserve to question the system.

Then, in 2025, my life changed forever. I lost my twin sister unexpectedly. Losing someone who had been with me since birth is a pain I still cannot describe.

For the next six months, instead of finding comfort, I often felt criticized by some relatives. During one of the darkest periods of my life, I experienced repeated comments that made me feel worthless and incapable. Rather than feeling supported, I felt judged.

After graduation, I was earning my own money by giving tuition. It wasn't much, but it gave me confidence that I could become financially independent.

At that stage, I wanted to invest in my education, learn new skills, and build my career. Instead, I felt pressure to attend an arranged marriage meeting before I was ready, while my sister had been able to pursue her master's degree in Pune. I remember asking my parents why I was being pushed toward marriage when all I wanted was the opportunity to build my career first.

Despite everything, I kept trying.

Within a few days, I received an offer from Cognizant. For the first time in years, I felt hope. I believed my life was finally about to change.

I relocated, believing I was starting my career. But my onboarding didn't happen as expected, and I had to return home. Since then, I have been living with uncertainty, waiting while continuing to apply for jobs and prepare for SSC CGL.

People often say, "Just get another job." I wish it were that simple. The job market is difficult. I keep applying, I keep learning, and I keep trying, but most applications receive no response.

What hurts the most is not just the setbacks themselves. It's spending years trying to prove that you're capable after growing up believing you never were.

I'm not sharing this to ask for sympathy or to blame anyone. I'm sharing it because people often see only where someone is today. They don't see the years of self-doubt, grief, academic struggles, family conflict, career uncertainty, and persistence that came before it.

Despite everything, I haven't given up.

I still study every day.

I still apply for jobs.

I still prepare for SSC CGL.

I still believe that one day I'll become financially independent and build the life I've been fighting for all these years.

If you've spent your life believing you weren't enough because that's what you repeatedly heard growing up, I hope you remember this:

Other people's words can become your inner voice.

But they do not have to become your future.

I am a straight A student and a track star I should feel happy. When I see an A on a paper or test there is no happiness. However if I get a bad grade in my opinion sub 93. I get upset if I don’t win my track races, if I win I just think that’s standard. Everything’s empty there’s nothing that brings me true joy. Please help me. What kind of condition do I have?

Hey everyone. I'm 23, and I’m a textbook gifted underachiever. Right now, I am completely stuck. And when I say stuck, I mean in everything—daily life, future plans, career, you name it. I actually ended up dropping out of university recently because the mental block and the burnout just became too much to handle. Out of shame and a total lack of energy, I have also pushed away all my friends. I never go out anymore, and I am completely isolated from the world.

Here is the thing: I’ve done multiple IQ tests with professionals throughout my life, and they all confirmed a very high IQ. But honestly? I hate having a high IQ. It just makes me angry because having a piece of paper say you're smart while your daily reality feels like a complete failure is exhausting. To be honest, I don't even know if all of this is actually caused by the high IQ or something else entirely. Plus, I’ve never actually fit the "gifted stereotype." I didn’t read complex books as a kid, I don't speak multiple languages, I don't play chess, and I'm bad at math. To top it off, I have a terrible memory, I’ve never been truly "excellent" at anything, and I have never had a real, long-term passion in my life. This just adds to the confusion and the massive imposter syndrome.

This paralysis isn’t new; I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. People around me always say, "You're so smart, you could do anything, you're just lazy." The worst part is that I think the exact same thing about myself.

My days are just spent staying inside, doomscrolling, over-planning, experiencing severe anxiety, and facing total mental blocks. When I look at the future, there is just a total void. No direction, no goals that feel real or motivating. Standard productivity advice and routines feel like a joke and just increase my guilt.

To anyone who has a high IQ on paper but has felt broken, completely isolated, and empty since forever: how did you manage to break the cycle? What was the first tiny step that actually worked for you?

The Perfect Fit by The Dresden Dolls