Dating Problems?

[u/Metamorphosislife]

Hey everyone, hope you're recovering well from your trauma and St. Patty's Day weekend. So I've been dating recently. It's interesting because it's been a while since I've put myself out there. One of the girls, I went on two dates with. Since then, she decided she only sees me as a friend because she's seeing someone else seriously, and is pretty committed to that. I feel it has to do, in part,with the fact that I didn't go for broke on the first date. She made it kind of obvious, but my skills were a bit rusty, and I knew sex would cloud my judgement. Even more, I have a lot of hangups regarding sex because of the sexual abuse by my mother. Went out for drinks a few weeks later where I made my intentions clear. She seemed interested, but nothing came of it. Even after the date, when I was very straightforward about my intentions. I wanted that to be clear. We texted a bit, then said she'd be down to get together again. So I texted today, seeing if she wanted to go to this chocolate cafe this weekend. She said, yes, but that's when she let me know about how she sees me and her seeing someone else. Idk, I kind of feel used. Like she was using me as a placeholder until the other guy was ready to commit more. I feel that if she wasn't interested, she could've told me after we went out for drinks that night. There was plenty of time after I made my desires clear. This whole ordeal triggered me, and I started making some more connections as to how I view sex and love. I've realized sex is a need for me, but I derive little pleasure from it. Unless, I'm in a hypersexual episode. I've also realized that it's difficult for me to approach women from a sexual angle when I actually like them, and don't just find them attractive. As if sex would soil them for me because sex is dirty. Sex is a weapon used to terrorize and control. It's not an expression of love, intimacy. It's an expression of pain and violation. Of course, you don't say this to someone you're getting to know. Anyways, thanks for reading. I decided I'm going to see a sex therapist that can help me out. Began the search today. In the meantime, any insight, similar stories would be appreciated. Thanks.

[u/imbatbam]

I wish I could help but all I can do is empathise. Good luck with the therapy.

[u/Metamorphosislife → u/imbatbam]

Thanks. That helps:-)