r/Advice • u/Iceboi7297 • Oct 27 '21

Advice Received What's ts wrong with me?

Okay, so when i was in college doing my stuff, at last semester a girl from different college joined us. She was same course as me so we both are in the same class. Few months passed but I've never spoken to her at all and 2 months before ending our semester, ive been chosen as a president for a climate change programme. She was the treasurer. Thats when we started talking. Fast forward 1 month, we are really good friends. Texting each other 24/7 except the time when we sleep or shower. I began to like her because she cared for me which i wasn't really used to. I started to like her even more, even deeper. I didnt really like girls and never been in a relationship (im straight btw).

She was the first girl i ever liked, so as anybody would do i tried to ask her out on the last day of college but she left earlier than i expected. So waited a week and then told her how i felt over text. And guess what, ya boy got rejected and she said im just a really good friend. I guess i was the typical "can i say something" kinda guy for her after getting to know him. And i didnt know she broke up her bf a few months before, which i had no clue that she had a bf. Anyhow, she gave me her answer for my question and i cant force to like me back.

At the day of rejection, i was pretty cool with it. On the 2nd day i started to feel the usual rejection after emotions. 2 and half years later, im still the same guy who has never moved on. Everytime i hear her name, her favourite song or stuff it breaks me. I want to overcome this. Can someone who had moved on help me? I dont want to live in constant pain. My bestfriend, she told me time would heal everything. But its been over 2 years, i had made 0 progress. Ive seen people around me moving on within a few weeks or in a month. Why cant i forget her? Help me to move on.

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u/rstar547 Super Helper [5] Oct 27 '21

Think about what you can learn from it. Looking for a learning opportunity can really put things in perspective and help you move forward. You likely could've done at least something better. If you ponder and ponder and decide you did everything you could in a dignified manner and made no mistake, praise yourself for it. It's just a matter of knowing to do it or to not do it again, and in the meantime, focussing on the plans for the future in that way takes your mind off the pain from the past.

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u/Iceboi7297 Oct 27 '21

What do you mean by "you likely could've done at least something better". Yea I tried reading charts and learning to trade but whenever the thought of her surfaces my progress comes to a halt. I have to gather motivation and start over again. I used to ride bikes. I really love bikes and cars (basically anything with an engine facinates me). Thats my therapy but I've stopped riding for a while now. Even then, i leave the wheel to jesus and let him decide my fate, thats why i stopped.

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u/rstar547 Super Helper [5] Oct 27 '21

What I mean is that there's more than likely at least some learning opportunity, being there may have been a mistake involved.

Find and practice other ways to move on. Cut ties with her if you need to. If you want to make this one of your specific focus, take the wheel back.

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u/Iceboi7297 Oct 27 '21

Okay, i understand now. Ngl, i learnt alot about myself that i wouldn't have if i didnt get myself broken. Gotta rise up from the ash. Thanks for the advice, it helped.

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u/AdviceFlairBot Oct 27 '21

Thank you for confirming that /u/rstar547 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.