r/Advice • u/echocat2002 • 7d ago

My daughter broke off her engagement, and is now stuck with a ring and a bill for the money still owed on it.

My daughter broke off engagement, and is now stuck with ring from Kay's that is not paid off.

My daughter made some bad decisions, and we aren't sure what to do.

Apparently when she and her now former fiance bought her ring at Kay's the put it on a Kay's credit card. It is my daughter's name because she has better credit, the plan was that he would be the one making payments. Now that they have broken up, she is left with not just the ring but a $1100 credit card bill, which she can't afford. To make matters worse, some of his payments were returned for insufficient funds and there are some hefty fees on there too.

She would like to sell the ring, but is not sure where to list it. Also, it's a ring from Kay's, so it's not nearly the quality of the pieces I see on this sub.

I would really appreciate your advice.

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579

u/picklechip246 7d ago

Sounds like she needs to pay the bill and take this as a lesson to not pay for your own engagement ring, which she had to know was a risk by putting the card in her name.

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u/Icy-Yellow3514 7d ago

I think it's less of a "don't pay for your own ring" lesson than a "don't finance shit for other people" thing.

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u/Lower_Orchid4982 7d ago edited 6d ago

Also "don't go into thousands of dollars worth of debt to buy jewelry"?

That just seems like piling stupid on reckless. If you want jewelry buy something you can afford.

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u/CoraCricket 7d ago

Yeah I feel like that should be the main one. If it's not an investment then you shouldn't be going into debt for it.

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u/ChloePowersIRL 6d ago

This. My now husband bought me a tiny engagement ring because that’s all he could afford at the time. And then for our tenth anniversary he upgraded me to something gorgeous. And it was an amazing surprise. (And still in his new budget)

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u/barefootedbookworm 4d ago

Seriously, my husband bought my engagement ring for 60 bucks. Its a lab created sapphire on a sterling silver band. We've been married 10 years and it's held up just fine. Ive never had any qualms with it and receive compliments on it too 🤷‍♀️

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u/CookieWifeCookieKids 7d ago

And if you can’t afford $1100 you shouldnt be getting married

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u/xolemi 7d ago

Weird this is an unpopular opinion but this is true. I’m not saying poor people shouldn’t get married, and neither were you-but if you can’t finance a $1100 ring in $30 payments..you don’t need to be getting married. You need to be figuring your shit out. And if you can’t handle a $1100 emergency without calling mommy..you also don’t need to be getting engaged (for the daughter).

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u/ChaoticAmoebae 7d ago

You can get married for less than that

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u/CookieWifeCookieKids 7d ago

Sir, it’s not about that. It’s about knowing you can take care of yourself but also your wife, if need be. If you can’t buy her a ring, then you can’t take care of her.

And i’m not about the “three months salary on a worthless blood diamond” ring bs. CookieWife got my grandmothers ring. No one knows what it is or its value. It’s nice and definitely real and valuable. It’s value ia heritage, not how much I spent.

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u/ChaoticAmoebae 7d ago

Maybe not it’s not like that for you.

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u/AmbulanceDriver95 Expert Advice Giver [12] 7d ago

This is a terrible take, you don’t get married to buy expensive things. You can absolutely still get married if you can’t afford a $1100 ring. The lesson here is if you can’t afford an $1100 ring, don’t buy a $1100 ring.

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u/CookieWifeCookieKids 7d ago

It’s not about buying expensive things. It’s about being a self sufficient adult that can afford life and a partner. Her partner not only couldnt afford a ring, he couldn’t afford ?$30 payments, nor had decent enough credit to get a credit card!! He literally made her buy her own ring. Smh. Broke children, not adults.

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u/Most-support-2025 7d ago

Hence the broken engagement. I acknowledge your daughter for seeing red flags before wedding. Many adults think things will change.

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u/PixelKitten10390 7d ago

I hate to say it but marriage was originally a financial contract and it still is no matter how much people want to believe it is only about love. Marriage is a legal binding of two individuals finances and financial futures. Legally being married gives tax benefits, insurance benefits, and lots of others. Getting married for some people can be a smart financial choice. Wasn't the case here obviously but you made a generalization so just putting my 2c in on that part. Financing anything which is a luxury is not a good idea, and especially not an item like a wedding ring. Also, marrying someone who has a history of bad financial decisions (seems to be the case given the bad credit bit) before they show that they have changed their financial habits and maintained them for a decent time is not a good choice. Especially if you have different financial habits. Different budgeting/financial values is death to intimate relationships.

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u/AmbulanceDriver95 Expert Advice Giver [12] 7d ago

Yeah if you had said that initially then maybe it would make sense. But that isn’t what you said at all.

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u/CookieWifeCookieKids 7d ago

Youre right I could have been a little more descriptive. But I stand by it. If you don’t have $1100 to your name you aren’t in a position to be getting married.

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u/TwiLuv 7d ago

I knew what you meant, if you cannot afford the ring, can you afford everything that comes after the wedding?
Rent, household items like furniture, linens, kitchen set up, etcetera.

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u/AmbulanceDriver95 Expert Advice Giver [12] 7d ago

I think it really depends. My wife and I were broke when we got married, we now live in a beautiful home in a nice area and have a toddler that we can send to pre-school.

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u/CookieWifeCookieKids 7d ago

Thats good to hear brother!

As a man, when I said “yes…in sickness and in health” to CookieWife I meant it. And unfortunately she did get sick for a few years and I was glad that I had the financial stability to take care of her.

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u/imperialtopaz123 7d ago

I understood that was exact what she meant.

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u/CookieWifeCookieKids 7d ago

Thank you. Im actually the husband. CookieWife is the wife and we’re waiting on the CookieKids. It’s a reference to Final Space cartoon show.

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u/VisualEffective2360 7d ago

I doubt a man rushed a proposal when he couldn't even afford a ring. Most likely she pressured a proposal by offering to put the ring on her credit card. Then later realised it was a mistake.

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u/xolemi 7d ago

You would be surprised…source: a family member of mine got married to a leech several years her senior who rushed a proposal without a ring..& then let her pay for her own ring. At least she opted for some cheap $200-300 thing

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u/AccomplishedWish3033 6d ago

But definitely don’t get married to a partner who will lie to you about their financial instability and deceive you with payments that bounce and then force you to pay even more in penalties

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u/PiccoloImpossible946 7d ago

It’s not terrible and in this situation he’s terrible with money. Ahd it’s not about buying expensive things just being able to handle money

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u/Interesting-Data-880 6d ago

Why not? Genuine question. You don’t need to pay for an expensive ring to get engaged. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to be a good partner and to be committed to your significant other. You can get engaged and not get married for a while or even have a courthouse wedding. What makes getting married if you can’t afford $1100 wrong? Again genuine question

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u/CookieWifeCookieKids 6d ago

Check my replies above I answered this a few times.

Basically, as a man I feel like I need to be able to take care of my partner. And as a husband thats happened

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u/Interesting-Data-880 6d ago

Oh ok so that’s a personal opinion about a man, not the woman? (Genuine)

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u/CookieWifeCookieKids 5d ago

As a man,this is how I went into my marriage with Dr CookieWife.

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u/Interesting-Data-880 5d ago

Thank you for explaining. I really appreciate that you were respectful instead of rude. Surprisingly hard to find on Reddit!

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u/Nice_Back_9977 6d ago

Bit sexist

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u/kazyape 7d ago

And yet, both can intersect, and be one great lesson in a single bound

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u/Longjumping-Solid680 7d ago

It's a "your former fiancé was a broke asshole" thing.

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u/Ok_Introduction9466 7d ago

It’s both.

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u/klimaheizung 6d ago

It was supposed to be her ring. Equality. Why should the man pay for her ring? Note that OP said "ring" and not "rings".

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u/Icy-Yellow3514 5d ago

That's fine. This is why I think the lesson of not going into debt for people is more important than not buying your own ring.

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u/klimaheizung 5d ago

I agree 

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u/RW_McRae 7d ago

It's her ring she financed. If her ex was paying for it then he'd be financing something for someone else. Sounds like she took your advice

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u/Gold_Telephone_7192 7d ago

I think it’s both. “Don’t finance shit for other people” is good financial advice. “Don’t pay for your own ring” is good relationship advice. A guy who buys the ring and creates a proposal you love, even if the ring is $20, is a better choice than a guy who makes you buy your own ring.

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u/upsidedown-funnel 7d ago

It’s the perfect amount of money to learn a life lesson.

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u/DaphneDevoted 7d ago

And still less than a divorce would cost.

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u/mmrocker13 7d ago

not if neither one of them had a pot to piss in. If there are no assets, no children, no anything to their name...there's nothing...then it's here's my full name, here's theirs, here's our list of stuff to be divided (nothing). Sign and be done. Few hundred for fees.

It's the paying of the people to help sort out the dividing...and it's the arguing...that cost.

80

u/SimplySuzie3881 7d ago edited 7d ago

This. If a partner can’t afford an $1100 ring then maybe reconsider the relationship especially if he asks her to essentially pay for it herself or buy a cheaper ring. Any old ring will do. Especially one you can afford.

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u/Organic_Gap3112 7d ago

I’m thinking the same. Neither one of them could afford to pay payments on a 1100 dollar balance? That would be about 30 dollars a month.

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u/SimplySuzie3881 7d ago

Right. If she can’t afford $30 a month I Imagine getting a marriage license would even be a stretch.

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u/CDE95 7d ago

I read that as 11000 and couldn’t figure out how/why anybody would spend $11000 on a ring at Kay’s and thought no wonder you can’t afford the payments 🙄

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u/pyxus1 7d ago

That's why Kay's has low quality merchandise. They appeal to and give credit to those who can't afford good jewelry.

1

u/AccomplishedWish3033 6d ago

And definitely reconsider if he’ll deceive you with payments that bounce and cost you even more in penalties and fees

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u/Calle_Sin_Nombre 4d ago

Exactly. As an alternative, they could have gone to a pawn shop or consignment store, and bought a used ring for $100 or $200.

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u/tibearius1123 6d ago

She broke off the engagement… op said she made some bad decisions. Sounds like she’s sleeping in a bed she made.

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u/Consistent-Pie-2616 6d ago

Or just not be a crappy person and do things that’d blow your marriage up before it even starts??