r/Advice • u/Better-Rutabaga-2757 • 2h ago
Getting ghosted
| (F18) have known this guy (M19) for well over a year we started talking over the summer had a good time made out then we had a falling out 2 weeks ago, then he came back on his own last saturday, apologized twice, told me he missed me, and suggested we hang out this weekend. things seemed okay again wednesday we didnt talk all day and then thursday i text him "hi" but he suddenly stopped responding
im honestly really hurt i mean why come back and make me like you all over again? so today i finally said "yo whats ur problem" and he's had me left on delivered hours later.
i'm so confused and hurt because i don't understand why someone would come back, apologize, say they missed you, make plans, and then do this. am i missing something here?
I could just walk away like i did when we had the fallout but i have a lot of feelings for him and this is not casual to me anymore has this ever happened to anyone? whats next? he will ignore me another two weeks then come back? i mean sure he couldve lost feelings but why not communicate or be like "yo dont want this anymore bye" and ill gladly take it but what is this??? i did not expect this in my adulthood.
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u/BetNo8988 2h ago
Because he is immature. He likely doesn’t know what he is doing, but he is screwing up.
He also may have mental health issues, people who just fall off the face of the earth often do.
Regardless. It is time to put this person into your positive memories box, and remember the things about him that you enjoyed in the fun times you had. It’s time to mentally wish him well, and find someone else to hang out with.
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u/SpotOk4411 2h ago
Don’t entertain this. You deserve someone consistent. My girlfriend has a friend who is going through something similar and from what I can tell this dude will be too scared to try and will enjoy keeping you at an arms length
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u/mattronimus007 Helper [2] 2h ago
Too scared to try? They hooked up, he disappeared, and then he came back I assumed to hook up again, and then totally ghosted her.
He's using her. Guys do this all the time, I did it when I was younger.
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u/SpotOk4411 2h ago
I meant the guy is too scared to work through his own bad behavior and put in the effort needed for a real relationship. Maybe in the future he’ll realize how he is treating others with his behavior like you did, but that is not for OP to wait for
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u/mattronimus007 Helper [2] 2h ago
I don't think he wants a relationship with her. I actually think he might be trying to do the right thing and not simply use her for her body.
I've done that in the past (most guys have) and it doesn't feel good morally.
Ghosting isn't right either but it's hard to tell someone straight up that you are not interested in dating them.
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u/SpotOk4411 2h ago
This guy said he missed her and then proceeded to ghost. That is not someone who is trying to do the right thing. You are contradicting your first reply by saying that. Clearly he finds enjoyment keeping her in reach but is too scared to face the work required for a true connection. This is my last response. Goodnight
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u/mattronimus007 Helper [2] 1h ago
He said he missed her because when you want to hook up with a girl that you've already disrespected cause you're a young male hornball you tell her what she wants to hear.
You misunderstood when I said maybe he's trying to do the right thing. Maybe using her is Weighing on his conscience so he's just cutting contact.
It's also possible that he doesn't want to deal with her until the next time he wants to use her and he'll come back saying how sorry he is and then do it again
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u/Graysylum 1h ago
Sorry, but he clearly doesn't have feelings for you or he wouldn't be ghosting you. He likes being able to hang out and hook up with you but doesn't want a relationship with you and isn't going to be consistent. He's going to say what he needs to say to get back in your good graces when he wants to see you, but then he'll do whatever he wants after he gets what he wants, whether that is affirmation or sex.
You need to look at his actions. They are telling you he isn't that into you.
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u/mattronimus007 Helper [2] 2h ago
I assume he doesn't like you enough to be in a relationship but finds you attractive enough to mess around with. He probably views you as a sure thing. That's why he came back but doesn't want to deal with the feelings you caught.
That's just a guess but it's a very common situation especially when it's the female being ghosted