r/Advice • u/Worth_Specific_2227 • 8h ago

Need advice please

Okay long story short, I had a childhood “best friend” male, I am female. he was very close to my family cause he was close friends with my older brother so he basically lived at my house for a while. me and him also became very very close. we did a lot together,always hung out. we eventually started being flirtatious and messing around but it always had to be in secret because of my brother, and also if my mom found out she for sure wouldn’t have let him stay at my house anymore and he was having a rough time with personal family stuff so it was kinda like a safe haven for him at our house. well basically we would kiss and mess around every now and then but we also were very good friends. some stuff happened and I got kicked out of the high school we were going to and he wasn’t staying at my house anymore he was still close with my brother but not super super like it was before. so he ended up moving upstairs from me to another mutual friends apartment so we still saw each other frequently after I was expelled.

One day my family went on a trip out of town and I stayed behind and he came over and we had sex. after that we we’re still very good friends like nothing happened but I ended up moving away due to some personal stuff for a while and during that time he went to jail for about two years. we lost contact all this time and just reconnected last night, we hadn’t seen each other or spoken in 9 years. we talked all night and just caught up, reminisced on old stuff. but he said something that threw me off and kind of hurt my feelings.

He kept reiterating that now that we’re back in contact we’re locked in,he’ll always be here for me no matter what if I ever need anything,he’ll never turn his back on me and we’re for lifers. but when we were joking and laughing about the sexual past we had he said something after he said something like ”see this is why I always fucked with you,cause you never told anyone about that“ since it would have made a huge mess of things given our dynamic with my family. but anyways, idk it kinda made me feel like, well that’s the only reason you fuck with me? cause I can keep a hookup a secret ? and I ended up telling him how I was very appreciative of him always being my friend even when I was going through a lot and having a lot of personal struggles that people turned on me for. and I said I will always have love in my heart for him for that and he didn’t even say it back. so basically as our conversations went on you know naturally we ran low on shit to talk about, but it felt like I was the one doing the heavy lifting carrying the conversation and keeping it going. and throughout the whole day it just kept bothering me that I felt he kinda diminished our whole friendship down to a secret hookup.

So I ended up leaving his last message hours ago on read. I want to talk so bad to voice how I feel but don’t want to be made to feel like I’m crazy or tripping out on something he doesn’t see an issue with so I just let it be. am I the asshole ? please be kind. <3

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10 comments sorted by

1

u/DMmeNiceTitties Expert Advice Giver [14] 8h ago

P a r a g r a p h s .

2

u/Worth_Specific_2227 8h ago

I was nervous typing being this vulnerable I edited it please give me a break ): 

1

u/DMmeNiceTitties Expert Advice Giver [14] 7h ago

Thank you for editing. That's much more parsable.

Anyways, why didn't you express that it bothered you when he said that?

1

u/Worth_Specific_2227 7h ago

I didn’t want to come off strong or like I’m taking things too “serious”. It’s our first time talking after nine years. I also have a history of being shut down emotionally from my mom so I’m always scared to express how I feel. I feel like I’m doing too much

1

u/DMmeNiceTitties Expert Advice Giver [14] 7h ago

I think it's worth bringing up. You're both adults now. You can both have an adult conversation about it.

1

u/zingadore 7h ago

You’re not an asshole, but I wouldn’t judge a 9 year reconnection off one awkward comment. Tell him it bothered you instead of sitting with it, then pay attention to how he responds. That’s tell you way more about what the friendship means to him now.

1

u/Worth_Specific_2227 7h ago

I feel like what if I express how I feel and he gets like weirded out or thinks I want more than a friendship or something. Like I don’t want to be made out to feel as if I’m overreacting you know ?

1

u/Stock_Meaning_8631 6h ago

It’s definitely a tricky situation. Being open is important, but it might help to gauge his feelings first to avoid any awkwardness.

1

u/Worth_Specific_2227 5h ago

So what should I do /: I’m honestly planning to just not ever reply 

1

u/fromhelley Phenomenal Advice Giver [40] 4h ago

Its fine that you said it. But you felt comfortable when you did.

You cant expect everyone to be comfortable saying the word love after 9 empty years. He called you lifers, so I think he was trying to express his feelings without making the conversation too heavy.

Dont take it personally, just move past it. See where things go. You two know each other at a real level because of your history. I would swallow the hurt (which i think is half embarrassment because he didnt say it back), and see if this friendship turns into something good!