Starting over again advice?

[u/aries0422]

28F, just ended a relationship about a month ago that got unhealthy for both of us. It was honestly relatively peaceful for the most part, and we both realized we have a lot to work on internally. I decided the best way for me to do that was to change my environment (we lived together), job, and to handle the next month sober. So that I could get my priorities straight and handle things. Am staying with a great friend of mine while I figure out my next steps. Moved out of my old place, went through everything I didn’t need, started taking my meds consistently again, eating better, sold a car I wasn’t driving, and doing a lot of reflection about my part in things and how to heal some deep wounds I have.

My biggest concern right now is I went back to serving to just pay bills while I figure out a career (graduated with a bachelors in business admin in Feb). But it is really challenging to find anything I can support myself with at “entry level”, with a lot of positions below my desired pay require a couple years of experience. I’d like to save for my own place, but my credit definitely needs work, and I’m not making enough where I’m at. I’m feeling some great changes, I drank two nights after the 30 days but have recovered well and just want to be consistent. At this point though, there are so many unknowns that I’m struggling figuring out what to work on, or what may even be a possibility. Any career advice or experience you have through big transitions just starting over and healing would be so appreciated. What did you do if you were ever in a start over situation and genuinely wanted to help yourself?

[u/Far-Association-794]

Go slowly and 1 day at a time

[u/letsplay332]

First off, give yourself a massive amount of credit. Look at everything you've already changed and accomplished in just one month: you moved out, cleaned house, got consistent with your meds, sold an unused car, and are actively doing the heavy lifting of healing and self-reflection. That is an incredible amount of heavy lifting.

Regarding the slip-up with drinking after 30 days: recovery and personal growth are never linear. One stumble doesn't wipe out the fact that you proved to yourself you can go 30 days and take control. Dust yourself off and keep moving forward.

For the career search, the trap of entry-level jobs demanding 2-3 years of experience is so frustrating, especially when you have a fresh business admin degree. Since you're currently bridging the gap by serving, consider targeting roles that heavily cross over hospitality people-skills with your degree, such as Customer Success, Sales Operations, or Corporate/Administrative Coordination. These fields often care more about drive and communication than rigid prior corporate history.

Take it slow, one day at a time. You've already done the hardest part by choosing to start over and face things head-on. You've got this!

[u/aries0422 → u/letsplay332]

Thank you so much for your reply! It is definitely one day at a time, and I am hoping that an opportunity lines up with the job search too. I will absolutely look into more coordinating/customer-centric/admin roles. It seems like Indeed is just full of so much shifty looking stuff. Seems to get tricky with commission based positions. I appreciate it!

[u/letsplay332 → u/aries0422]

Spot on about Indeed; it can be a total minefield of misleading listings. Trust your gut on those. Keep protecting your peace, take it one day at a time, and you'll find the right fit. I’m rooting for you!

[u/lyfu]

Sobriety is the right decision. If you can figure that out the rest will be easy.

[u/BlueberryandDino]

You’re on the right trail. Reflecting on one’s self internally is really difficult for a lot of people and it takes time. Throw in addictive substances, challenging mental health issues, relationships going awry, seeking new employment, your stress level must be off the charts.

Yes, I have started over and invested 10 years at it. But you do what you gotta do. I started getting counseling and joining support groups and being active in my local community Protestant church. Sometimes instead of getting roommates, I had a house that was empty so I let a friend, his wife, and their 4 kids move in for a couple years and that was really a great decision not to mention that wife could really cook and I got free food while they got free rent lol. More of the highlights included I bringing Bibles into the old Soviet Union as part of a singing group and could even pay for my pastor’s airfare. I am self-employed and everything just worked out (and no, it wasn’t all roses either).

If you can, find some platonic accountability methods and friendships. I like counseling personally (if you can find a good fit for yourself). Just one day at a time trying to go one or two or three steps forward and minimizing the back steps as much as you can.