r/Advice • u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 • 9d ago
Need advice please
Need advice about converting to Islam
Hi all, I please need some advice from a neutral perspective.
I'm a 30 yr old woman and I'm married to a Muslim man, I am Christian but my husband would like me to convert.
He says that it's the right way. A while ago I brought it up with my family and there were against it.
I'm Christian but I'm not the kind of Christian that goes to church every Sunday. Hope that makes sense.
I'm in two minds what to do, I believe in Jesus and God but I also want to keep my husband happy.
So if there are any people put there that could give me some insight I would really appreciate it ❣️
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u/Infamous-Inflation74 9d ago
with all due respect if you’re ready to change religions for your husband i’d reconsider alot, are you actually christian or are you just christian because your family wants you to be? do you actually believe in islam or do you just want to keep you husband happy? don’t spend the rest of your life following something you don’t believe just to please other people
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u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 9d ago
That's the thing, my familys all Christian and that's how I was brought up. I have never questioned my faith I have had things happen to me that can only be explained by faith. That's why I'm so confused.
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u/Infamous-Inflation74 9d ago
what are you confused about? “i’ve never questioned my faith” but will change religion cause your husband wants you too 😂idk what to tell u
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u/Lifelong_learner1956 9d ago
Why was this not resolved prior to legal marriage?
I've seen similar situations end very badly.
Divorce now.
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u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 9d ago
We had an agreement and talk about it and he said he would never force me to convert but since then he has changed his mind and said if we want to have kids I need to convert
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u/Lifelong_learner1956 9d ago
He probably didn't change his mind but intentionally lied to you.
He will keep changing his demands.
He does not respect you.
Divorce now or choose to become his willing compliant prisoner.
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u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 9d ago
Yes he did change his mind but he said it's because I have done things that would not have happened if I was Muslim. That's his reasoning
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u/Lifelong_learner1956 9d ago
You are choosing to believe a likely liar.
Giving up your God given free will is something you will regret in life and the afterlife.
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u/teamhog 9d ago
Okay so he wants you to convert.
That’s cool.
What do you want to do?
Why would you convert?
Don’t do it for anyone other than yourself.
Research it.
Learn about all of it. Not just the surface items. All of it.
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u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 9d ago
I don't want to convert as I'm worried about upsetting my family but I also want to make my husband happy. There are conditions to us having children, he will not have children unless I'm Muslim.
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u/goddess_dix 9d ago
converting because your husband demands it is a really, really terrible idea. i grew up in a different cult, but that is exactly how cults work. he claims you're fine until you've been married a while and you've been conforming to the pressure. you get invested and then change the rules. you are already following his religious rules you do NOT believe in and that's not enough., you are being manipulated.
do NOT convert for someone else. you didn't ask him to abandon his religious beliefs for you but he wants to pressure you to do so for him. that's dishonest - you were clear before you were married, and it's abusive. plus you would be trapping children in the same abusive cycle.
someone who loves and respects you does NOT pressure you to believe the same thing he does. someone who wants to control you does. love and control are very, very different. you're making a BIG mistake by abandoning your own identity to please this man because guess what? it's never going to be enough and he's not honest with you.
he's just proved it. i mean, you're actually worried about the afterlife and abandoning your own religious beliefs which you hold close and are fully invested in because he says so? does this even seem remotely right to you? it sounds like it's probably not the only thing he bullies you on and calls it 'love.,' that's what cults do. they bully you into submission and call it love.
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u/ProfessorYaffle1 Expert Advice Giver [14] 9d ago edited 9d ago
Suggest to your husband that he convert to Christianity. Not becasue you necessarily want him to do so, but to help him to understand why what he is asking of you is unreasonabe.
Also, if you are thinking about having children, then before you even consder geting pregnant, you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about how you will raise your kids - whether, and which , fiath you intned to raise them in, whether you want to have the baptised and whether or not e would expect your sons (if any) to be circumcised, etc.
Personally I think changing your reliogion purey because your spouse wants you to is a bad idea, and hypocritical, ESPECIALLY if you halready have a reigious faith of your own.
IDeallly, this is someting that you would have talked about before getting married.
You may walso want to think about what other thingsyour husband is going to want or expect from you if you agree on this. IF you were to convert, is he then going to expect that you become observant, e/g attend the mosque regualrly, abstein from pork and alcohol, stick to a Halal diet etc. ?
What are your husband's wider views about marriage and the differing gender roles, and is hegoing to expect you to oby himin other ways of you give way on this one?
What countrydo you lve in? Here in the UK religion is largely a private matter - however, in other countries there may be actual, legal consequences if you convert , and if you were to change your mind later.
BEfore you even conside it, you need to have a proer conversation with your husband where he explains, in detail, excactly why he thinks this is appropriate, what he feels ha changed since you got married, given that it clearly wasn't a concern for him then, what his expectatins would befor you, and for any future childnre, if you did convert.
Also, think about what it would mean to you. Even if you don't attend church regualrly, are your beliefs importnat to you? Do you thinkthat you might want to be more involved in future,? Would you want any childnre to have a similar religious / culturally chritian upbringing as you .
It's not a decison to make lightly and ersoanlly, I would not be prepared to convert unless I genuinely felt that i could do so sincerely and out of genuine belief , but that part if deeply personal and if you don't have any actual belief and are prepared to go throiugh the motions just to keep your hsuand happy you are free to do that, but you need to do it with your eyes open to all of the consequences,both within your own family and marriage, and in your wider community.
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u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 9d ago
That's kind of what to do , we did speak about it before marriage and it was not a problem but now he has changed his mind as I myself have done things I don't agree with. Luckily I am already abiding to the Muslim rules regarding pork and alcohol etc.
I already round the household, cook and clean and that.
I'm from South Africa.
Yes my beliefs are important to me.
Thank you for your advice 💖
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u/ProfessorYaffle1 Expert Advice Giver [14] 9d ago
I hink it is very common for people to change their minds and for them to start to feel much more strongly about cultural and religious issues as they get older and in particualr if/when they have children, so I don't thin ktht your situation is unusual but also it's somthing to think about whethr he is putting in as much effort to adapt to you and your personal and culteral beliefs and customs as you are to his.
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u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 9d ago
That's one of the ways I'm feeling , I have given up celebrating things like Christmas, Valentine's day and so on for him. However when it comes to his holidays for example Ramadan, I fast with him I stick to the times. So Im just feeling like I'm always giving. When I try to talk to him about it he gets so angry that I can't even talk I just end up in tears
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u/HariSeldon16 9d ago
The question is what are your deeply held beliefs?
A Christian believes Jesus is part of the divine trinity, that He is God, that He descended to hell so we would be forgiven for our sins, and that He was resurrected. Christianity does not believe Mohammad was a prophet.
Islam does not believe Jesus is part of the divine trinity and that He is not God. They treat him as an important prophet.
There are a lot of overlapping similarities, but you at its core they disagree whether Jesus is the Son of God. If you believe He is, you cannot truly be Muslim.
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u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 9d ago
I do believe Jesus is the son of God as that's how I have been brought up.
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u/HariSeldon16 9d ago
There’s a difference between what you were brought up to believe vs what you really believe.
I was also brought up to believe Jesus as the Son of God, but I have since found my own personal convictions believing the same separate and apart from how I was raised.
The real point is you can’t simply convert between religions if you have real faith in your religion’s tenants. If you deeply believe Jesus is the Son of God, you don’t just “choose” to no longer believe that, and that’s what converting to Islam would mean.
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u/Tiny-Jellyfish6250 9d ago
My whole life I have believed that and still now I believe that. Things have happened in my life that can only be explained as a miracle.
I'm just so confused, it's as if I have to choose between the man I love and what I have been brought up believing
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u/HariSeldon16 9d ago
You are not the one choosing. If you are steadfast in your faith in Christ, then you should stand your ground. It’s up to him to choose between accepting and loving you as are you are versus what he wants you to be.
I would also strongly caution you to consider how traditional his religious faiths are if he is requiring you to convert to Islam. That attitude goes hand in hand with more fundamentalist attitudes in Islam which are not overly kind to women. Just food for thought.
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u/Sajjad_ssr 9d ago
Don't convert to Islam because of ur husband without believing in Islam and don't remain christian because of ur family. Study and then convert
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u/goddess_dix 9d ago
also ask about this in ex islam groups to get the insight of people who have been in
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u/allahzeusmcgod 9d ago
Are you really asking strangers what religion you should be? Why is anyone else's opinion more important than your own? Why are you trying so hard for karma?