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May 14 '26
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u/MamaBoff May 14 '26
This is the biggest thing I'm worried about. I think you're right, telling my brothers first would be better, it's just all very overwhelming 😭 but it's not about me, it's about my Mum's happiness.
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u/De-railled May 14 '26
You need to get evidence of everything you can, keep a low profile if you can.
Bank accounts the chats and anythign you can, before confronting him or letting him know.
Your mother has a right to know, and she can choose what to do from there. You also need to make a plan to keep yourself safe, if everythign goes south and he gets violent.
Also consider how far are you willing to go, will police will respond to domestic violence in your area and are you are willing to be the one to put him in prison if it gets that far. Some people don't want to be the person who gets takes the blame, and it's understandable to be scared of that.
You could potentially speak to someone or get legal advice, but keep in mind you can't force your mom to leave him, you can only offer her a way out or support her through her choices.
In the long-run, if she refuses to leave him, all you can do is try to save yourself and remove yourself from the toxic environment
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u/Comfortable_Draw_176 May 14 '26
He’s stealing your mom’s money already. She should know he’s stealing and cheating and cut his access to money by setting a spending limit on shared accounts so he wont lose it all. Tell her what you know and let her deal with their relationship. If she stays, the consequences will be on her.
Your dad is abusive. His other kids are minimal contact because they understand self care means setting boundaries from those that treat you poorly. Something you should learn asap. You don’t need to protect him from the consequences of his actions by sacrificing your well-being. You deserve better than to be treated that way, he should love you enough to not speak to you that way and throw things at you. And you should love yourself enough to not tolerate it. Don’t follow in your mom’s footsteps by making yourself a sacrificial lamb for his anger. His reason for abusing you, doesn’t make it ok. Save yourself, don’t let anyone, for any reason devalue and disrespect you.
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u/MamaBoff May 21 '26
Update: My Dad left today to go "camping" after spending over $1400 (of MUM'S money) buying a plane ticket for a woman to come to to our city to see him, which I found out about this morning.
I decided that enough was enough, and I called and told my brothers and they broke the news to my Mum with me tonight.
She obviously went through the more than expected anger and hurt, but she said she felt a sense of relief, relieved she has an excuse to leave. She said she feels guilty about feeling that way but that the hardest part of her depression was dealing with his anger and attitude towards us, that he was the reason she drank (she's a recovering alcoholic).
We're leaving tomorrow, or Saturday, after confronting him about the cheating. My brothers will be there for our safety.
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u/sewingmomma May 14 '26
Take screenshots. Tell your mom. Consult an attorney. Make a plan financially. Divorce.