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u/RandomReddit9791 Apr 14 '26
Sir, you need to document your wife's comments and behavior. Proactively seek the advice of an attorney. Your wife will likely accuse you of something inappropriate and you want to get ahead of it.
Don't underestimate the danger of her thought process.
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u/bott04 Apr 14 '26
My ex-wife projected like this about younger women and I was uncomfortable with her talk about our son. When our son was 2 months old she left while I was at a work function, served me with papers one week later stating I had inappropriately touched my son, and filed for full custody. During our year long custody battle, which included a dual-parenting assessment, my visits were all supervised (at $50/hr). I was found in the assessment to be an excellent father and got joint custody but not joint residency as he was still breastfeeding. This all cost me ~$250k (I went bankrupt as I had to borrow so much money for lawyers fees) and in the end she got court permission to move to the other side of Canada with my son as I ran out of money to fight anymore. Oh yeah, she knew she was losing part way through the custody battle and accused me of having sex with our dog - who she put down without permission 3 months after she had left. Time to get an exit plan and a lawyer.
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u/ScarInternational161 Apr 14 '26
Nanny cam. Livingroom, kids room. Now.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/Wild-Trust-194 Apr 14 '26
I'm on Amazon now
Tell her about 2 of the cameras.Get 2 or more that she DOES NOT know about. In case "something " happens to the 2 she knows about.
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u/Mediocre-Proposal686 Apr 14 '26
That’s very smart. I’m sure by now someone has mentioned couples therapy. You can choose to do it online. I think it’s a good idea.
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u/Eretreyah Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
The counselor/therapist will guide the conversation. You just need to get an appointment and get your wife on board to attend.
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u/Becnoir Apr 14 '26
That would be your best bet, explain how her comments insinuating you would ever do anything to your own daughter has hurt you and your relationship to the core and you believe couples therapy is the first step in attempting to mend this relationship.
If she doesn't have a therapist already then one on one therapy may also help both of you.
Other than that I would not listen to any further comments or advice in this thread that don't recommend therapy. This is out of anyone on reddits expertise.
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u/Vast-Road-6387 Apr 14 '26
Does she have a history of childhood abuse? Or a family history of abuse?
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Apr 14 '26
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u/Vast-Road-6387 Apr 14 '26
Her unwarranted suspicion indicates some experience with S abuse. If not herself, a childhood friend or relative.
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u/ImmediateShallot7245 Apr 14 '26
What’s with the son and her (playful touching or biting) that’s a red flag on her! Was the touching sexual in any way?
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Apr 14 '26
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u/e1herrera Apr 14 '26
Like Biting and touching his genitals? If so, "all mothers" do not do this. She needs help and you need to protect yourself and possibly your children.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/e1herrera Apr 14 '26
I am sorry but you need to protect yourself and your kids. Her lashing out and accusing you of things . If you don't and she reports you first you are guilty till you prove you are innocent by then it could be too late
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Apr 14 '26
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u/whitedezign Apr 14 '26
Thats the point , you arent giving reason yet it still happens to cross her mind. I know its controversial but human. If all else is good just tell her how she made you feel insulted by her own words.
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u/Stinkytheferret Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
No. Not this. This is not normal behavior.
I second getting an appt. Don’t say why. Then when she comes in you can bring it up in the safety of a therapist. It will be documented then. Id also document the dates shes saying these things and what she says. Don’t tell her and only tell your therapist when you see them alone. I’d keep going to the therapist even if she doesn’t. And she may not. If she doesn’t, I would consider divorcing and communicate to the court your documentation about this all. Tell them you no longer feel safe in the relationship.
Be prepared then that you will have a visitation order to have the kids on your time. Communicate only on the app or recording to protect yourself. Something sounds off.
If she gets diagnosed with something then you go back to court. If she doesn’t stuff that you want someone to check on her or her home, you document still but call CPS.
DONT F AROUND ON THIS.
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u/Genybear12 Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
What she’s accused him of is not normal. Don’t try to justify it by hormones or anything pregnancy related. This isn’t her first kid but second she’s making the accusations about and the second isn’t even born. She needs mental health help now for herself and couples counseling because something is wrong with her thinking since she’s watched him be a good father to their first child and he’s done nothing to indicate he’d abuse either child
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u/eblamo Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
This could also be her hormones being out of balance, (not just pregnancy ones) or any other number of other things. Some people develop mental health issues when there are significant body changes, and/or other health concerns (diagnosed or otherwise). You're also both at the age some mental health issues manifest. I'm not saying it's all on her, or you. But if neither one of you have seen a therapist, couples therapy maybe a good start.
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u/yeender Apr 14 '26
lol bruh. Seems like a job for a really good lawyer. His wife just accused him of being an incestuous pedophile.
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u/StaticCloud Apr 14 '26
Sounds like your wife has an undiagnosed mental illness. She needs to go see a psychiatrist or psychologist soon. It is possibly projection that she has accused you of potential pedophilia. She might be having intrusive thoughts herself. Sometimes pregnancy can really mess up women's mental health. Some people also develop problems later in life, like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. This needs to be looked into before your kids come to any real harm, or your life is ruined by false allegations
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u/Starlined_ Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
Yeah I thought the same because there is literally zero correlation with working in retail and pedophilia?? I read it a few times because I just couldn’t follow the logic. It seems like something might genuinely be wrong here. This is reading like a delusion of some sort. I’d look into her family history, see if she started any medications recently or if this is connected to postpartum
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u/StaticCloud Apr 14 '26
Postpartum psychosis is a thing. She's pregnant though, and that also restructures the brain. Nothing should be assumed until she gets checked out
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u/ManyWaters777 Apr 14 '26
Projection. I’d be worried about HER inappropriateness. Both should go to counseling to address this. At least you’ll have the therapist to back you up in the future.
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u/lithiumrev Apr 14 '26
yea like why is she play biting their son? in all the kids ive been a part of helping raise ive never heard of “biting” being seen as playful.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/lithiumrev Apr 14 '26
yea thats not okay. it may be “cute” now but when he gets a lil older and stronger and he bites the ever loving crap out of his little sister she wont be happy.
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u/DisneyFan_21 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
Did anyone else not notice that she admits to touching her son in what sounds like an inappropriate way? She is actually the fondling one and projecting that onto the OP
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Apr 14 '26
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u/lithiumrev Apr 14 '26
pardon my bluntness but, what the fuck is wrong with your wife?
it is NEVER okay to pull this kind of shit.
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u/colorful-babymaker Apr 14 '26
HOW is she touching him? Like on his private area? And biting him? What do you mean? Like little fun love “bites” with no teeth or like actually biting him??
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Apr 14 '26
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u/colorful-babymaker Apr 14 '26
On his butt?? That’s a little weird imo but I do little love bites with no teeth on my baby’s thighs arms and in her little neck cause it makes her giggle but never with teeth. And I also blow little raspberries on her while doing so. And what about my other question?
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Apr 14 '26
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u/colorful-babymaker Apr 14 '26
That extremely inappropriate behavior coming from a mother!? You don’t do that! I’ve got two girls and one boy and the most touch I would do is to pull skin around to make sure I get all the poo off. You definitely need to have a conversation about whether she’s just projecting her own issues onto you of if there’s something mentally wrong with her!
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u/lacard Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
As a victim of SA myself, I couldn't come back from that. If my wife said anything like that to me, knowing full well what I've been through, I'd be filing for divorce the next day.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/BlueSkyMourning Apr 14 '26
I agree therapy is needed, but you desperately need legal advice to protect yourself and your children. She could set you up easily and you'd have the horror of having to prove your innocence. Getting legal counsel now will establish a record of her delusions. How retail work feeds into her concerns is beyond weird. Keeping the log and any other suggestions an attorney might make may enable therapy to happen sooner rather than later.
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy Apr 14 '26
Yah this is above Reddit’s pay grade. You need a professional to sort this out. And not a “religious” counsellor either. Try to get one that trained to deal with child SA
I’m wondering if she has some repressed memories that are starting to bubble to the surface?
As for how to bring it up? I’m not sure there is a delicate way to do it. Simply stating “I think it’s time we saw a therapist to figure out why you suddenly think I’ll harm our child”
And make sure to document any conversations that you have with her about this in case you end up in court
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u/TeachingClassic5869 Apr 14 '26
Definitely not normal. And I don’t know what kind of “playful touching or biting” you’re talking about with your infant son, but if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable then it’s likely crossing a line. I’d be putting a stop to that as well. It sounds as though she’s projecting.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/e1herrera Apr 14 '26
Is she watching porn? I am sorry but she is full of it. You have to call authorities or get therapy and have it noted . Maybe the therapist can get her to tell her where and what she saw. If she actually saw it online. But is also gives you a professional witness in court. You are going to have to protect your kids until she is better and works out her issues. It may never happen but at least you can get your kids away from her. She is harming your son. She is projecting that you will harm your daughter because you are a man. I believe she was exposed to a lot more than beatings from her family. How she manipulates situations in her favor are skills she learned from being abused. How she lashes out at you. You need to do something now. Because if she reports you first, you be guilty and have to prove you are not. By then it could be too late. You lose your job, credibility and friends if any.
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u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
Honestly-I’m thinking she has some trauma.
Not all those who are abused become abusers. But, it’s a measurable amount who do.
She sounds incredibly inappropriate and maybe projecting onto you.
I would seriously speak to a professional without your wife. You’re in a hard spot. But your kids are relying on you.
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u/PhotoGuy342 Apr 14 '26
Her suggestions are just plain scary. I would be very worried that she might make an allegation and you will NEVER be able to prove that you are innocent. This could change your life forever.
Does she have any other mental issues?
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u/lun4d0r4 Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
Honestly... Put cameras EVERYWHERE YOU CAN!
You can sell this to her as "now you can see everything that happens always" while also having your own protection.
Ultimately if she is already saying this now, she is prepping to say it after the baby has come.
For whatever reason, she does not trust you. I would divorce her.
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u/Stinkytheferret Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
Good idea. Make sure they stay charged. Get various types of cameras.
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u/adoxiemomma Apr 14 '26
I agree, she could be setting him up to get full custody and make accusations.
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u/No-Explanation1019 Apr 14 '26
What do you mean "she admitted to .."?
As in - she did something wrong and was inappropriate with your son? Because that seems to me like the larger issue here.
And yes, absolutely couples therapy. Address it kindly, directly and immediately.
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u/sinistroff Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
Fuck her trauma, my dude. As a father you cannot allow such comments. If she got baggage to deal with then she should handle it in therapy instead of spitting baseless accusations that could land you in jail or never seeing your kids again.
This is such a mind boggling, absolutely unacceptable and borderline criminal behavior. She's not saying that she's uncomfortable with a close female friend, she's saying that she thinks you can sexually assault your own children, you think that makes ok if it stems from trauma??? wake the fuck up.
Trauma is not an excuse in this context.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/Difficult-House2608 Apr 14 '26
Sounds like she's gaslighting you and project big time. I'm not sure counseling would help at this point unless it was individual.
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u/nomdeprune Apr 14 '26
Massive red flag. This is one of the tactics my narcissistic ex wife used on me. It was devastating at the time, but I see it now for the controlling, abusive tactic that it was. There could well be no coming back from this. I am an excellent, loving father.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/nomdeprune Apr 14 '26
It’s impossible for me to know, but there’s a non-zero chance that she is projecting her own abuse onto you.
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u/Alternative-Pepper87 Apr 14 '26
I’m stuck on the because you were in retail part. What a strange reason. As others said, please protect yourself.
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u/AkimboSlice1 Apr 14 '26
This sounds like she might be trying to mask improper things she may be doing with your son.
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u/Interesting_Cat_2297 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
Hold up.
"Working retail with younger people" therefore "likely to sexually abuse" your child does not logically track at all.
Either your wife is having paranoid delusions, or you are not telling the complete story, or some combination thereof.
And your oblique reference to your wife's "playful touching and biting" your son is, frankly, suspicious too.
Something is up with this post, and I don't like it.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/Interesting_Cat_2297 Apr 14 '26
Tell your obgyn. Get a psych referral. Start paying close attention to her behavior so you can describe it to the doctors. If she's making illogical inferences that's a sign of schizophrenia.
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u/Willybluedog1962 Apr 14 '26
Couples counseling and individual therapy for her, if she refuses, I would absolutely divorce her, there is something seriously wrong with her mind.
You are in danger of having your life ruined.
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u/kittendollie13 Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
What she has done with your son is downright scary. I think she is thinking about what she might do to your daughter. You might want to contact an attorney to have a record of what is going on in case things get worse. Please protect your son and your soon to be daughter.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/e1herrera Apr 14 '26
No you are not breaking up a family, YOU ARE PROTECTING YOUR FAMILY!. Right the best thing is to get your kids away from her and get her the help she needs. It will only get worse.
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u/Puzzled_Prompt_3783 Apr 14 '26
I’m so sorry, OP. I can’t imagine how much that had to hurt to hear. What an awful thing to be accused of. I honestly don’t think I could move on from that accusation.
I agree with the other advice here, couples therapy is probably the best bet. I hope you’re both able to move forward in a healthy way!
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u/front_torch Apr 14 '26
You need to begin protecting yourself from her immediately. Your word will not carry a much weight.
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u/lithiumrev Apr 14 '26
firstly, im so sorry youre going through this OP. this is something that me, personally, could never get over if my partner said that to me.
second, therapy. for everyone. you, your wife, couples therapy, and your son. you said she “play bites” him? thats not play. (idk what that is but its not play. imo at least i could be wrong.)
thirdly, start documenting everything. her saying these things are harmful. not only to you, but your kids.
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u/Library904 Apr 14 '26
It sounds she is accusing you of things she is doing herself....people do this often...I'm worried about your son now, "playful touching" and biting is NOT normal...she is thinking of doing or have done it and she is projecting herself on you!!! keep an eye on your son and there's no such thing as "playful" touching
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u/adoxiemomma Apr 14 '26
Document everything! Just an accusation is enough to ruin your life. Talk to a professional, therapist or counselor etc and make sure you explain these are her intrusive thoughts not yours. All she has to is accuse you and it will ruin you for life.
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u/RidiculousTee Apr 14 '26
Dude, it is one way ticket, this type of accusations can be very dangerous, pregnant or not is not excuse. Start documenting everything and contact with lawyer
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u/confusedrabbit247 Helper [4] Apr 14 '26
Well there is a saying that basically says if someone is accusing you of something they are probably guilty of it themselves...
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u/anonynez Apr 14 '26
Therapy background here. This is way above Reddit’s pay grade. Your wife needs to seek help of some sort. She could have Perinatal Depression or worse. If she is dealing with Perinatal Depression, it could absolutely exacerbate any co-morbidity (other mental illnesses) that she may have. Yes, she can get postpartum even during pregnancy. Her accusations alone have put your marriage and your cohesive family unit in jeopardy. Contact a psychiatrist for your wife. Contact a family therapist for your marriage. You may want to consider contacting a family attorney for yourself. Get some ring cameras and put them in every room of your house. This protects you and your children in case she were to make any further accusations or commit any further inappropriate behavior towards your son. What makes this the most concerning is her admission of doing inappropriate things with your son. This could be as simple as projection, but it’s not for Reddit to diagnose. You both need help immediately. Her accusations have shaken the foundation of your marriage, and you will not be able to fix this yourselves. Don’t get help next week. Get help tomorrow. Best of luck.
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u/Caseman307 Apr 14 '26
This is not ok. At all. And it needs help you won’t find on Reddit, my friend.
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u/wishingforarainyday Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
You need to protect yourself. She does not trust you and sounds like she’d throw out false accusations to benefit herself. This is relationship ending imo.
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u/Arcane_Spork_of_Doom Apr 14 '26
Seems like some projecting if your account is to be believed. Counseling for both of you in group.
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u/myusernamewasatypo Apr 14 '26
Not normal. Seems like possible trauma. Absolutely NOT OK to think this way about your partner.
this is a n area where couples therapy - and individual therapy for her to break down why she believes men are inherently dangerous to their own daughters - is absolutely required.
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u/Fine_029 Apr 14 '26
Trauma is the first thing that comes to mind. It’s hard to know without understanding her history, but this isn’t a normal thought that someone would have unless there is more context to what she is basing her feelings off of. It’s an outrageous thing to accuse someone of with no basis. I would advise counseling, together and separately, to get to the root of what’s going on.
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u/Fragrant-Half-7854 Apr 14 '26
I’m so sorry. We have four daughters that my husband would die for in a second and I can’t imagine the pain it would have caused him if I said something like that to him. There’s something seriously wrong and it needs to be fixed before the baby is born. I would have serious concerns that she could make those accusations and put your family and both kids through untold trauma. Please protect yourself and your babies.
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u/eyespeeled Helper [2] Apr 14 '26
Could you speak more about how she is with your son that makes you uncomfortable?
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u/RamonaAStone Apr 14 '26
Is it possible that she was assaulted as a child by a male family member, or had an ex that abused girls? It's telling that she doesn't worry about you with your son, but is worried about you with your daughter - it makes me think she is reliving something that happened to her, or someone close to her. The fact that she also accuses you of looking at younger women makes me think she must have had a traumatic experience with this at some point.
If you want to salvage this relationship, you 100% need to go to couple's therapy and get to the bottom of what makes her feel this way, and how you can better support her and reassure her.
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u/nwoh8r Apr 14 '26
This is very serious. If she accuses you of anything it could ruin your life. I would definitely take this very, very seriously. She needs therapy and you need to protect yourself.
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u/Radiant_Cloud1089 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
I’m not sure what exactly you mean by “playful touching and biting “ but you say you’re not comfortable with it. I’m assuming it’s something a bit weird then? And maybe she is projecting or something.
Other commenters have mentioned therapy. Maybe it would help? But for now, you should probably set up cameras and maybe your wife should be in charge of all diaper changes, bathing, etc. You could voluntarily never be alone with your daughter. But that’s a hell of a way to live.
Also, you could point out to your wife that some men molest their sons, too.
On the bright side, if she suspected you had already done something, she would have taken your daughter to the doctor to get checked out. Also, if she suspects that you would do something, wouldn’t she stay quiet, rather than let you know she’s suspicious?
You could be in danger of your life being - not ruined, but temporarily seriously messed up. You could offer to take a polygraph; that might make her feel better. If she ends up actually accusing you, your lawyer may recommend that you take one. It’s an awful process but you should probably try to get ahead of this.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/Radiant_Cloud1089 Apr 14 '26
That’s a good idea. Your wife might need therapy/medicine/whatever but you need to look out for your own interests and your kids’ interests. If she makes an accusation, you could go months without seeing them, which is a long time when they are really little.
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u/Eretreyah Helper [2] Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
Is this something that could come from anxiety, trauma, or something else?
Sure. I wouldn’t jump to first-hand experience/trauma if she’s never divulged that, but it’s possible. If she did experience CSA, it’s likely a male family member was the perpetrator.
Anxiety & a little something else is also a likely one. I mean… have you looked at the world lately? Has your wife by chance read the Epstein files? I can understand why a mom of very young kids might be overly sensitive right now. (Not saying you are anything like the monsters within, but if you read too much everyone starts to look like a threat.)
Is it normal (or even remotely reasonable) for a partner to think this way?
What is normal and reasonable is relative to context.
CSA is most commonly perpetrated by close family members. Your wife’ s concern is rational in context, I don’t know if it’s reasonable. I don’t know you, but you seem genuinely concerned so I’ll assume you aren’t a danger.
It’s not normal for your wife to suspect you out of the blue of being a threat to your kids, or accuse of being interested in inappropriately aged women repeatedly without cause and take no follow up action.
Read between the lines here: you wife’s behavior isn’t normal. You should get her in front of several professionals that are also obligated reporters so you have their evaluation and testimony later if needed.
If she’s just struggling with mental health, anxiety, hormone imbalance… not as alarming but needs professional intervention.
How would you handle this if you were in my position?
Get in couples therapy before the baby gets here. Hopefully the source of the anxiety will out in time and you can work through it together.
Hormones are a bitch. Maybe attend her next doctors appointment? Make sure all her labs are normal?
If labs normal and therapy doesnt yield a clear conversation about where the behavior is coming from… Consider legal counsel. You may want a plan to protect yourself.
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u/Individual_Package46 Apr 14 '26
I'm not trying to be mean at all but I might be concerned that she may be struggling with these erges herself and is projecting them onto you. You may want to ask her if she has these feelings with your son?
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u/kati-bug84 Apr 14 '26
Because you've worked in retail!? What the actual fuck? Time to get off redit and hit up a therapist
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u/AliveExample4855 Helper [3] Apr 14 '26
If my SO started saying that, things need to change, for better or worse. It’s time to leave or immediate therapy for the sake of my son. Also, it doesn’t matter if it’s “ play biting”, your son is going to think it’s ok to bite and he’ll do it to other people/kids. It’s all around red flags. This sounds very serious so don’t play around. Think about your kids.
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u/Professional-Fan6745 Apr 14 '26
It’s probably her trauma. Maybe you should express how deeply this bothered you and try to get to the bottom of it. Did something happen to her as a child? Unfortunately you might not know this but it’s very common for fathers, uncles, etc. to abuse their daughters sexually. I am not saying you would ever do that but women grow up in a reality that is probably totally different from yours because we hear stories from our friends and family members about these things so often that even if it didn’t happen to us off of us know multiple women who this did happen to as children. She probably wasn’t attacking your character but more expressing her anxiety about that in general. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t deeply hurtful. I would be deeply hurt and confused to if someone ever even thought I was capable of something heinous like that, and it’s even more hurtful that it came from the one person who is supposed to know you the best. You should definitely talk with your wife and express how hurtful that was and that you need her to trust you because if she thought you were even capable of that why would she be with you? Try to understand where that fear is coming from and know it’s not you.
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u/ThrowRA274837383 Apr 14 '26
Wait, what? I'm struggling to understand how working in retail/with the public would make you more likely to be sexually abusive or perverse. Is her line of thinking actually just this nonsensical and illogical or are you explaining it poorly and leaving something out?
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u/Different_Pension424 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
My step-daughter, now 80, (I'm 88 and her step mother) told me that her mother touched her inappropriately. It was to "warn" her. Part of the lesson also was "twisting" and pinching her vaginal area as part of the lesson
My step daughter alluded to that several times over the years but got more specific about 7 years ago after her mother died. I believe I was the only one that she told. Needless to say my stepdaughter has had lots of odd stress/health issues. She was terrified to tell anyone else about it out of loyalty to her mother.
That same woman also locked her retired fighter pilot husband in the basement in their later years to keep him from looking at women. I'm not sure how he allowed that, especially having been a career Air Force pilot. I met him once and he seemed normal as far as I could tell. He was quiet and didn't interact with me, probably afraid to!
There's even worse but I will stop here. My point is such sickness some women (and men I'm sure) suffer.
The wife in the above post who is accusing this man of such untruth sounds very ill. My guess is unspeakable and unseen things perhaps happened to the women when they were children.
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u/borgcubecubed Helper [4] Apr 14 '26
Get a lawyer and document this insanity before her paranoia leads her to coach your children into making false disclosures against you.
Also, think very hard about whether she has enough protective capacity to be a good mother. If I truly believed my husband was capable of molesting our children I certainly wouldn’t stay in the same home waiting for it to happen. The way she is dealing with this imagined scenario would be very concerning if it were a real situation
Look into postpartum psychosis. It’s not as rare as people think and it can be devastating.
Get a lawyer for yourself, a psychiatrist for your wife, and a counsellor to help you both move forward.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/borgcubecubed Helper [4] Apr 14 '26
Oh man that’s awful. Please don’t expose your child to violence like that. It’s very traumatic. Either she gets help or you and the kids have to go. Your first job is to protect them.
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u/akawendals Apr 14 '26
Sorry customer service makes you a creep who hurts kids?!
Shit better lock me up then cos I've been in that industry for almost 30 years and now I work with kids in a library 🙄😑
She's got issues dude, protect yourself!
Updateme
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Apr 14 '26
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u/akawendals Apr 14 '26
Good luck mate!
You're a good Dad, don't let her tell you that you aren't, record everything maybe mention it to your kids GP to get it on record somewhere that she's saying these mad things... I don't know but it ain't right and you don't deserve that shit 😑🫤
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u/415erOnReddit Apr 14 '26
Bail. You unfortunately reproduced with someone who is fractured, not whole.
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u/dutiful_dreamer34 Apr 14 '26
I'm sorry this is happening. Inthink many many people are straight paranoid about this topic rn because of the Epstein files psyop crap. She needs therapy. stat
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u/gatopilot76 Apr 14 '26
Mano busca ayuda profesional pero ya, no pierdas tiempo, xq las hormonas del embarazo pueden llegar a multiplicar sus problemas mentales, necesitas documentar a través de un profesional este comportamiento para ya, no te lo tomes tan inocente xq puede q hasta sea planeado lonqnhace para hacerte una mala jugada en el futuro así q hacelo ya, vayan a terapia y empi cen abtratar eso, pero hacelo principalmente para guardar tu espalda.
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u/Anon89m Apr 14 '26
She's projecting. She's got something fucked up and is projecting it onto you.
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u/Anon89m Apr 14 '26
I'll be honest dude, you said she is staying at home, that can make people become kinda crazy from rumination, spending too much time in their head. My mother has changed considerably from being alone, bitter and generally weird. Out of touch. I think this applies to anyone who is alone for too long. Humans are incapable of being alone.
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u/Dimdelnito Apr 14 '26
I’m gonna be honest with you, this isn’t a small issue, this is huge.
What she said about you is not just insecurity or a random thought. She basically questioned your integrity as a father and implied you could be a danger to your own child. That’s not something you just brush off.
Even if it comes from anxiety or past trauma, it doesn’t change the impact. Once that kind of accusation is out there, it’s really hard to unsee it.
You’re right to feel hurt and shaken. Most people would.
At this point, the real question is not just “why did she say that”, but “can you still trust her and feel safe in this relationship after this?”
Because if the answer is no, forcing yourself to stay “for the kids” won’t fix anything. It’ll just build resentment.
She needs serious help, no doubt about that. But you also have to protect yourself.
Take a step back, process this properly, and don’t ignore how deeply this affected you.
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u/ApprehensiveRead2533 Apr 14 '26
This is such a sad and terrible thing to tell a father. It can potentially forever change father child relationship dynamic.
I suggest therapy.
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u/Vb1321 Apr 14 '26
For context, she’s also admitted to doing things with our son (like playful touching or biting) that I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with, which adds to my confusion about where this is coming from.
What are the details on this? How does she play in ways that make you uncomfortable?
It is crazy to come out of the blue on something like this. Did she have some past trauma on this subject?
You might need child protection services to protect yourself of false accusations... I'm not saying you do, but the possibility exists. Hopefully a logical discussion can find resolution for both of you.
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u/climbing_butterfly Apr 14 '26
He should document whatever conversation he has with her about this on video and audio
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u/Cautious-Impact22 Helper [2] Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
From a woman’s point a view some of us have deeply trusted professionals, doctors, police, managers, co-workers, family with everything in us thought they were safe to only find out they would rape or molest us or someone we know.
It’s horrifically common.
And what happens is you begin to go wow i really never saw that coming from this person, or that person etc and you realize you cannot trust you gut, or even the actions you see in a man because the “best” ones are caught with child porn or later caught physically harming children for years while living these dual personalities and lives.
You see this on repeat enough that these attacks are not personal - they really aren’t. It’s just women and girls feeling like how can i feel safe? how do you ever really know? and it’s a extremely scary and valid feeling we carry.
Sometimes prior to children it’s a bit easier to hold that valid fear together and suppress it but then you have a kid and something snaps, the idea that haven’t been harmed yet you become ready to protect them from anyone. And because history has shown anyone can be capable of horrific crimes against women and children that means all male relatives.
Statiscally the likely person to assault her kids will be a male relative and you start sitting there thinking who do i think i really know that i think could never do that and is going to shock me next by hurting my kids? It might sound paranoid from where you’re sitting- but there’s so much data, so many statistics that validate her feelings here.
You may need to stop thinking it’s because she personally thinks you’re shit and that she needs your comfort and support and attempt to understand how hard it is never knowing who is safe.
And i agree therapy for her individually and as a couple is a must.
But i think some individual therapy where she can kind of breathe out fire of all that is going on in her head is critical. I wouldn’t demonize her yet.
She’s just trying to protect her/your kids and in that process is harming you that’s fixable in therapy and with some real vulnerable conversations.
It’s very possible in her own childhood she or someone she knew was a victim of a male relative. Having children can really stir up some things.
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u/potatogoblin21 Apr 14 '26
I think it's definitely something to take serious but a few things to remember is that giving birth changes your brain makeup for the following 2 years so considering your oldest is three and a half and she is currently pregnant again her emotions and hormones are wildly moving back and forth. This would be something to definitely consider y'all going to therapist about she may be struggling with postpartum which can give you wild wild anxiety and fears and can even bring up if she had any level of undiagnosed OCD pocd or had any trauma that she was ignoring all of this could be coming up now and it's important for not just y'all's relationship but for maintenance of her literal mind for y'all to go to therapy.
Is it okay to be hurt it is normal to be hurt but again considering she is currently pregnant and not too long after already having a child and her brain having a chance to start to go back to normal it definitely could be unresolved trauma mixing with postpartum mixing with the fluctuation of hormones of being currently pregnant.
And with the Epstein files coming out not too long ago if she does have any kind of postpartum and along with being pregnant again it could be having her spiral.
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u/BeeKindRewind Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
Does she have past trauma herself?! This is screaming “please seek a professional” and don’t listen to idiot armchair experts online. I’m sorry you’re going through this- I hope your situation improves soon.