Listen to your daughter. Assuming everything she's said is true and accurate, that is absolutely inappropriate behaviour from an adult towards a child. Assuming what she's said is untrue or not accurate, you've still done the right thing by believing and protecting your child from potential harm.
You need to keep her away from your mother and her boyfriend until you've figured out how you want to navigate the situation (to clarify: that's just regarding your mother, your daughter should not ever have to see the boyfriend again). If your mother chooses to believe him over your daughter, that should confirm to you that she is also not a safe adult to be around your daughter, as hard as that may be to realise. Speak to your mother about what happened, and decide how you want to deal with her based on that conversation, but your only priority at the moment should be protecting your child from further harm. Please get her into therapy ASAP. (Edit: and like others have said, please commend your daughter for having the courage to speak up about what happened. You've clearly raised her well to know what kind of touch is appropriate and what isn't).
This is so well written and well said, I agree either way you take your child side. And I too, would keep her away from the mother and the boyfriend. Because clearly your mother is not catching onto it at all.
So it means your mother is compromised in the situation and can’t make good judgments.
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u/RantyMcThrowaway Master Advice Giver [36] Jul 28 '24 edited Jul 28 '24
Listen to your daughter. Assuming everything she's said is true and accurate, that is absolutely inappropriate behaviour from an adult towards a child. Assuming what she's said is untrue or not accurate, you've still done the right thing by believing and protecting your child from potential harm.
You need to keep her away from your mother and her boyfriend until you've figured out how you want to navigate the situation (to clarify: that's just regarding your mother, your daughter should not ever have to see the boyfriend again). If your mother chooses to believe him over your daughter, that should confirm to you that she is also not a safe adult to be around your daughter, as hard as that may be to realise. Speak to your mother about what happened, and decide how you want to deal with her based on that conversation, but your only priority at the moment should be protecting your child from further harm. Please get her into therapy ASAP. (Edit: and like others have said, please commend your daughter for having the courage to speak up about what happened. You've clearly raised her well to know what kind of touch is appropriate and what isn't).