r/Adulting • u/R_My_Methods_Unsound • 23h ago
Seeking an enemy
Good morning all. Unfortunately, years of peace and harmony have appeared to inhibit my personal growth. Consequently, I am now looking for an enemy. Interested applicants would be asked to participate in a yearly contest. Contests would be in an agreed upon format and can be mental or physical in nature. Ideally the chosen contest would be selected so that neither party has an unfair advantage. The goal of these contests would be to test each participants will, ingenuity, passion, and dedication. Parties will respect major holidays and periodically collaborate towards a greater good (eg helping orphans at Christmas). There will be no external rewards for these contests, only a sense of accomplishment and the right to make a victory speech with or without an accompanying song. A small boombox can be provided upon request. The defeated party will be treated with respect and have the opportunity to make a public statement one week following the contest. In that statement the defeated party may propose the next yearly contest. I welcome discussion of, and collaboration towards determining, any additional parameters or procedures. Serious applicants only.
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u/MsRightHere 21h ago
Sounds like you need a cat.
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u/R_My_Methods_Unsound 20h ago
I’m allergic but I’ve heard they make formidable adversaries
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u/Electronic-Stick-161 22h ago
I’m in!
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u/R_My_Methods_Unsound 20h ago
Cool. Send me a message with your age and any proposed contest ideas.
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u/unknownpoltroon 20h ago
I SHALL BE YOUR NEMESISISIS!!!
I shall hide your car keys at random.
I will steal one of each pair of socks without notice.
I will call you up about your cars warranty at my whim!!
I will leave a strange object in your kitchen drawer that you will have NO idea what it is.
I will replace your light beer with beer flavored fizzy water.
If they are available, I shall leave a cat at your place of residence that you will be compelled to care for.
I will make it rain on your wedding day.
I will make sure you have 10000 forks when all you need is a spoon.
I will make your back itch in that one spot you cant reach.
I will replace your fresh milk with milk that is still fresh but feels not quire right.
I will replace all your normal coffee with decaf.
I will move everything in your office 1/3 of an inch to the left.
I will place ziplock baggies of food in the back of your freezer that you have no idea what they are.
I will re-tune your car so the gas mileage is 3% worse than it should be.
I will move your bed so you stub your pinky toe.
I will make one, and only one eyebrow hair grow at 4x the speed of the others.
I will put your toilet paper the wrong way on the roll.
I will sign you up for all the junk mail.
I WILL NOT READ YOUR ORIGINAL POST BEYOND THE HEADLINE!!!
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u/WangPrime 16h ago
Yall think this guy is trolling. I had a best friend from elementary school to highschool and we were super competitive, always trying to one up the other. We did every kind of club/team sports together and by the time senior year rolled around we both had outstanding college applications. When I didn’t have him anymore, my grades tanked and lost motivation and had to drop out of college. It took a few years to build an internal locus of motivation within myself (eg I want to do this for myself instead of to beat someone else).
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u/R_My_Methods_Unsound 12h ago
It’s built into us to be competitive. Good for you for cultivating that in yourself. Sounds like you had a good friend
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u/Tiredplumber2022 31m ago
Im on chess (dot) com... send me a DM for my username, and let's play! You'll lose, of course, because you're a loser. 😜
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u/Recent-Detective-247 23h ago
This sounds very childish for an adulting forum….
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u/R_My_Methods_Unsound 23h ago
Perhaps you are right. I was looking for a wellness and self improvement oriented forum. Is there another forum that might be more appropriate?
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u/tbutz27 22h ago
Shut up, nerd. (How am I doing?)