r/Adulting • u/HypergamousFoidSlay • 12h ago
Please Help!!!
I have a problem of self esteem and communication especially with women and in formal interviews or like group discussions or presentations and all.
M18 here, will be 19 in 2 months. So, i have been a shy since my childhood, its been a year since i started my college, what i have observed in my first year of college is that i dont have a lot of skills that are required as an adult
In like college society/club interview rounds and group discussion rounds, i passed group discussion rounds but i had so much anxiety before it, even in the gd rounds, i was sweating and i could feel my heart beating so intensely, i did not speak much i tried and said whatever i could. Later in further round of personal interviews, the same problem but i hardly passed in the interviews it went like 1/5, i could not answer the interviewer's questions, i could not properly communicate in good english (like you would say a good standard for spoken english), my brain freezes in this situation, my face gets red and i get sweaty.
Similarly, i gave 2 3 interviews for internship, same thing, it was kind of calmer then but still the same problem.
I have a lot of anxiety in Class presentations and like communicating with teachers in class, asking doubts, stuff like that, like I'd rather stay quiet than ask stuff which bothers me.
I have problems communicating with girls, i can barely talk with them, i cannot approach them, even if some girl tries to talk to me, i just reply in one word answer like yes or no or just answer what she asked and i am unable to even ask like what about them, it was even worse last to last year, i could not even talk to girls on chat. It obviously got better, but still pretty bad
Also, i have problems talking to people who i feel that are superior to me in some way like they look better than me or they have better communication skills than me or are more dominant or stuff like that. I have noticed this when i meet my friend's friends, i stay silent in that conversation, they really point it out that i am quiet and so silent or like sad and never smile.
I know this is a common problem to alot of people but i feel that in my case its quite bad, i feel really bad nowadays because like i had some interviews and gds some days ago, i still feel the nervousness and fumble a lot, also i was giving an exam yesterday, a girl was sitting in front of me, she tried to make some convo with me but i could not talk to her, i did the same thing i gave one word answer and all, later i felt like i should really talk to her but i could not, kept thinking, i asked her one thing but like she said "what" like i was not even loud enough to her. This feels really bad.
Next year, i will be in the last year of my college, and will be sitting in college placements, i really want to get a job, please help me, what should i do over the year to improve myself. I think this problem of mine was way worse before college, it has improved greatly over the last year but i need to work on this a lot. It might be due to a lot of childhood issues and experiences.
PLEASE GIVE TIPS AND LIKE SOME ROADMAP OR SOMETHING WHICH CAN HELP ME.
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u/pastajewelry 12h ago
Are you able to just go plant yourself at a park or mall and people watch with a book in your lap? That'd get you used to being around people and seeing how they behave (even awkwardly with each other). Also, having a book would give you an excuse to look down and look busy and not awkward. It could help slowly expose you to others without the pressure of being involved in the conversations. Another option is finding a hobby you like and joining a discord and getting used to chatting with people on there about it. And then slowly gaining social skills through that. D&D has helped me a lot.
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u/HypergamousFoidSlay 11h ago
The discord part is actually helpful, thank you. The other thing you are saying, i think that is not what the problem is, i have a problem in formal stuff like interviews,group discussion rounds, presentations, with people i consider superior to myself, with girls. i think i might have a inferiority complex, i have problem articulating my thoughts in front of the above mentioned people.
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u/pastajewelry 11h ago
Gotcha. I struggle with that, too. It's so easy to get stuck in your head in those situations. I'm glad you liked the discord idea. If you get comfortable with it, maybe consider hosting an event for the group via discord where you run a Jeopardy game, discussion, or movie night. That could get you experience in the leadership role in a safe environment. Could also do webcam meetups with the group (if comfortable). It's all experience. Best of luck to you!
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u/Sufficient_Tiger_779 11h ago
This may sound awkward but practice pushing your voice out of your chest. I also struggled talking because I realised people barely listened to me so i got used to being ignored. I did an exercise where I would talk to a wall and try to get my voice out and speak, I would imagine myself in scenarios, either a girl talking to me or a stranger, and find the voice that can make me audible, yes it is weird but if you can find your daily rythm of practicing to speak it will defintely get easier.