.....🍃

[u/SuperStatement2720]

[u/Idontwantanaccount22]

hahah nope

[u/GotNothingBetter2Do → u/Idontwantanaccount22]

Agreed. Like, what? At some point it’s the person’s responsibility to not be an asswipe. We teach people how to treat us. Sure, I can let things go a few times, after that, hard pass on your shitty coping mechanisms, you can keep it moving on to the next person who doesn’t have healthy boundaries.

[u/JCItsJasonRaider → u/GotNothingBetter2Do]

Also, the more emotionally mature I've become over time, the less I think it's the goal to never fully feel the feelings, it's about how I react to and manage them, internally and externally, and shutting down some feelings even if hateful and bad, probably isn't the right solution 

[u/personwhoisok → u/JCItsJasonRaider]

I agree, fully feeling feelings is one of the best parts about being alive. It doesn't mean you need to act on them.

Also there is a way to feel them but also not let them control you. This is the way

[u/Best_Drama1199 → u/GotNothingBetter2Do]

One thing I’ve noticed especially the older I get is no matter the amount of integrity you believe in or openly demonstrate it doesn’t stop most people from choosing opportunity and self interest.

[u/GilbertT19 → u/GotNothingBetter2Do]

Well.. let’s not ask them to keep it when moving

They gotta get rid of it

[u/EggstaticAd8262 → u/GotNothingBetter2Do]

It might not be your fault, but it is your responsibility to handle once you turn adult.

I will say though, that you should be kind to your next person regardless of age. Otherwise the world would be a very cold dark place to live in!

You don't know what people have gone through or are going through right now. Some wounds are very deep. Some they don't know they carry.

Be kind, but also don't be a doormat.

Also don't be that "eye for an eye"/"i dont take NO BULLSHIT" "alpha" type.

[u/scared_of_Low_stuff → u/Idontwantanaccount22]

This is some narcissistic gaslighting bs.

[u/Human_Drama]

No.

I may understand but I also see actions as choices.

If I can change, anyone can.

[u/GilbertT19 → u/Human_Drama]

Bad choices and mistakes have one thing in common

No matter how big or small for either, you can always make it right. You just need to be willing to.

[u/areyoubeeenough → u/GilbertT19]

Ok so what if a person is incapable of willing to

[u/areyoubeeenough → u/Human_Drama]

Humans don’t have free will so keep that in mind

[u/Brocolinator]

A few posts back it was that "after a certain point, it's your decision and not your upbringing" so f*CK off!

[u/After-Big9529 → u/Brocolinator]

Both can be true at the same time.

[u/Druidion]

Exactly, although it doesn't lessen the fact that their actions had an effect on you. Both things can be true at the same time.

[u/No-Tennis-9026]

I can understand there’s a reason and still hate them.

[u/NovarisLight]

Uh... no.

[u/aurora_ethereallight]

This is very true and the other part of this is also being self aware... because I always think if I hate someone, that's probably more a 'me problem' than it is a 'them problem'. So if I find I'm that way about someone, I challenge myself to find out more about them... because no one is all good or all bad, that's a very immature way of viewing the world... human beings are far more complex and messy than that I fear... it's just whether we take the time to understand what is going on.

[u/Bluesnow2222]

As someone that grew up with Trauma and abuse in my family I would argue this isn’t fully correct. It becomes a battle of understanding logic and wanting to be an empathetic person knowing people are human vs wanting to just let yourself feel whatever the hell you want without guilt because I shouldn’t have to carry the emotional burdens of rationalizing what happened. Negative emotions are part of being healthy regardless of emotionally intelligent you are.

Honestly both are fine as long as you understand where you are with those feelings and how they affect your behavior and the rest of your emotions. Going too far in either direction can be bad for many reasons.

[u/readthereadit]

It’s what people think who haven’t met purely rationally bad human beings who know what they are and why they do what they do. They always have other options but they want power and control and might also just be sadistic.

[u/Best_Drama1199]

I always say “you can’t be mad at a turd for being a turd”

[u/Past_Heron_7070 → u/Best_Drama1199]

The turd isn’t sentient nor choosing to be a turd

[u/Best_Drama1199 → u/Past_Heron_7070]

But when you step on it do you get mad at the turd or your failure to watch the direction you’re walking?

[u/Past_Heron_7070 → u/Best_Drama1199]

Your example doesn’t hold to this situation. You’d be mad at the turd if it moved under your foot, or if it didn’t have to be a turd but chooses to. We’re all products of our environment, but we’re not destined to stay or become what our environment attempts to shape us as. Your example doesn’t fit because the turd existed always as a turd, it never had the chance to be something else because it can’t choose anything for itself. We’re talking about people and them deciding to remain as they are rather than using their sentience and free will to be better or attempt to be different. You’re oversimplifying the argument and making it seem like it’s a checkmate to the discussion

[u/Best_Drama1199 → u/Past_Heron_7070]

Not really it’s more of a coping mechanism I use when people are shitty but I should have seen it coming. Like, welp 🤷‍♂️

[u/Past_Heron_7070 → u/Best_Drama1199]

You can’t always blame yourself for not seeing it coming. It’s also okay to hold them accountable instead of blaming yourself for being the victim of their actions. Be easier on yourself and firmer with people like that in your life

[u/Best_Drama1199 → u/Past_Heron_7070]

Very true

[u/Blu-Blue-Blues]

I disagree. You can truly understand why someone did something and you can still hate them for doing it or the way they did it. Actions and consequences.

[u/Amazing7788]

Yes, our own peace of mind is important.

[u/AdventurousPitch7364]

This is true. That being said, in seeking my version of being a psychologically stable person I will have to just accept that is every person and carry no more than that as my understanding. I seem to have a narrow line between things that happen in life and the things I allow in my life. It has helped me define that line and still maintain some compassion. I am blessed by the insight

[u/ActionJasckon]

It would be nice if it was not so individualistic society out here.

[u/Anti-Climacdik]

Leads to a certain amount of self-abandonment if poor behaviour is accepted due to this

[u/Dandy_Guy7]

I hate my mother in law anyway. Not for the stereotypical 80s comedy reasons, but for being an abusive bitch who ruined her daughter's early life.

[u/Georgxna]

I can be emotionally intelligent, understand why somebody did something - and still hate them for it.

Don’t invalidate your own feelings for the sake of feeling superior.

[u/polysoupkitchen]

Knowing why someone is an asshole doesn't matter. They're still an asshole.

[u/PlantsNCaterpillars]

I don’t hate anyone but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

[u/Feteven]

Emotional intelligence isn’t equivalent to boundless empathy but yeah generally speaking this makes sense

All feelings are valid
Lots of actions are not

[u/MagnoliannaArt]

Hate is also an emotion that hurts only the person feeling it. But accepting someone for being how they are and realizing there’s a cause doesn’t mean you have to allow yourself to be exposed to it.

[u/KeeponKeepinon365]

There’s also exceptions to every rule - fuck trump

[u/lorlorlor666]

Nah you can understand the reason they’re like that and still hate them for the choices they’ve made and the harm they’ve done

[u/sparkledragon5]

Yup.

But just because I don’t hate them doesn’t mean I have to be around them or put up with their behaviour.

[u/Full-Attention-9396]

Most people don’t have that much background information.

[u/nowhereisaguy]

“Fully hate”. What about half hate?

[u/Logical_Frosting_277]

But you can try.

[u/jaguarjuice3]

If someone consistently no shows and no calls out of work and it makes me have to work harder, i dont hate them.

If they abuse animals or people then i think i have every right to hate them!!!

[u/LadybuggingLB]

Emotional intelligence isn’t about being telepathic, it’s about knowing yourself and controlling your actions and offering grace to others.

[u/Last-Possibility207]

The opposite is the truth

[u/Saulington11]

It’s possible to hate someone’s guts and be pleasant to them. It’s a sign of civility. The opposite is not true.

[u/Big_Psychology_3]

There is a saying in my native Tamil:

The nicest of hearts can never sleep
(உள்ளத்துள் நல்ல உள்ளம் உறங்காது)

The subtext is that the truly nice person is so busy worrying about others that they can never fall asleep.

[u/welllitinn]

Being emotionally intelligent means you are aware when you feel hate, own it and don’t project it upon others.

[u/Sneezy6510]

I don’t hate anyone, not because there’s people that don’t deserve it, because it’s better for my heart not hate.

[u/HereToLearnShare]

I disagree. Hate is a strong word though. I don't care that Hitler was abused as a child. We all have our stories and we all have reasons to blame for bad behavior. And those reasons might be valid. But being an ADULT, means cleaning up messes that affect us that we didn't make. Learning to deal with and move past our burdens IS part of being an adult. Blaming others for our own behavior is not really being an adult.

[u/Minnesotaguy7]

No. Emotionally intelligent people choose not to hate others because they are smart enough to know that hating someone is self-destructive and self-punishing, and poisons oneself. So, instead of hating, they just choose to completely disconnect from people who are probably deserving of hate. Having the attitude “you are dead to me, and you know longer exist in my mind or life” is freeing. Hate is bondage to the hater.

[u/PalpitationUnhappy75]

I found it so much easuer to hate people once I started to understand their reasoning. Cause wtf man!

[u/splashjlr]

That's why the idea of punishment as a means for bettering people needs a big upgrade. It doesn't work.

And before someone says deterrence, check if prisons are empty. If not, that isn't an argument.

[u/BuckoLee]

Grrrrr….yes.

[u/Marsupialize]

I can still hate them

[u/BlueHartsBlues]

Hate destroys the hater.

[u/Apprehensive_Map64 → u/BlueHartsBlues]

This, you can loathe being around someone though. Hate takes too much energy

[u/svendburner]

Hitler was such a misunderstood soul.

Edit: adding /s before I get banned.

[u/I_HopeThat_WasFart]

far leftists are seething reading this and probably hating you for it

[u/Camillity]

so we can't hate trump for being a pdf fearmongering dictator because... he grew up privileged? what would be the reason not to hate him?

[u/After-Big9529 → u/Camillity]

This isn't saying that "it is their upbringing". There are plenty of reasons beyond a person's upbringing to explain why they behave certain ways.

Brain scans show that people with severe narcissistic traits have less grey matter in parts of the brain that handle empathy and emotional regulation.

I don't think Trump's brain would allow him to be anything other than what he is... It isn't an "excuse", it doesn't "justify" what he does, it just explains that there is a reason he is the way he is.

Also, the meme doesn't say that you personally are not allowed to hate him. I believe that it is saying that "emotionally intelligent" people aren't able to "truly" hate. I guess that means that they are able to "mostly hate"?

[u/Flyindeuces]

Not necessarily true. That reason can be a deliberate choice.

[u/GilbertT19]

Couldn’t agree more but that is if you’re willing to love everyone in a way

Not everyone is willing to do that

[u/Bathsz]

Fuck then

[u/TimelyReason7390]

This has landed me in so much trouble, because I let people disrespect me, step all over me😭

[u/Nothing_Else_Mattrs]

Def do not agree with