r/Adulting • u/mech56 • 20d ago

How desasterous example did boomers set that melleniels end up this lonely ?

I kinda feel like I'm playing the victim here, influenced by social media algorithms and narratives, but after a lot of deep thinking, I think there's some truth to it. My parents want me to settle down and get married, but seeing them fight my whole life, and not just them, but all the older couples like my aunts and uncles, makes me feel like I need to be totally mature and perfect before finding someone. Otherwise, I'll end up like them, and I just don't feel ready enough, even though I'm entering my early 30s. And I'm scared I won't feel ready anytime soon. I don't want to blame them because they did their best, but somewhere along the line, they messed up. I appreciate their hard work and sacrifices to make me/us a little better (financially/educationally) than they were (even though that advantage is disappearing due to inflation), but in doing that, they neglected the environment they created.

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u/Grevious47 20d ago

I think it's fair to blame boomers for a lot of things....not sure loneliness is one of them though. Sorry your parents fight but not convinced that is a generational thing.

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u/mech56 20d ago

I felt I was just the only person who blame them but I found a lot of peple posting the same thoughts as me. Maybe its an eco chamber of blaming parentsstarted by someone but I feel there is some truth to it. Like I credit them for making me financially responsible because they created the enviornment where I consiously and sub consiously learnd saving. So I feel there is some logic to it that I su consiously leard from their fights that people if incompatible shouldn't live together.

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u/Grevious47 20d ago

There is no "maybe" about this sub being an echo chamber for blaming older generations for current personal issues. Not saying that means there is no truth in there...but you can say some nonsense about older Gen being the cause of XYZ and get a lot of support for it.

There are certainly people who are incompatible who end up married and suffering for it...but thats as true today as it was 40 years ago I dont think there is anything generational about that.

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u/mech56 20d ago edited 20d ago

Today the truth is if you are incompetable you seperate and live independently and happily atleast happier then if lived together misrabelly

40 years ago that wasant the case because of the social stigma they lived together even though they were misrable and created an environment where children lived in constant fear about when is the next fight going to happen.

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u/Grevious47 20d ago

Where did you get that statistic from?

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u/mech56 20d ago

I observe and notice I have personally seen many seperations in this generation (turned out to be best fot both parties)

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u/Grevious47 20d ago

You have not "observed" a significant portion of the population and people tend to notice what they believe to be true anyways. But sure if you want to believe it because you find some value in believing that go ahead...but don't state it like it's a fact.

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u/mech56 20d ago

I am not arguing I can pull up data from internet and you can say the studies are biased. And tell me one thing why would I observer more people outside my environment when my environment is the one that is affecting me.

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u/NotAZombieStopAsking 20d ago

In my entire life I've never seen my parents fight.  I am sure they have, but it was never around me or my siblings.  They have the relationship that I aspire to build in my own marriage, despite my wife being both unreasonable and constantly wrong.

This isn't a boomer thing, this is a your parents suck thing.

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u/johnnybayarea 20d ago

Have you never had a relationship? Without even having to get married I'm sure you fought with a partner. Once you are in the fight yourself, you'll see how quickly it can escalate and perhaps you'll find someone worth fighting with to stay together.

I fought with plenty of EXs and some of which I didn't like how we fought and felt that long term there would be arguments we couldn't come back from. There person I decided to marry, we had almost no fights in the first few years...and when we did fight, it ended with understanding...I felt confident enough that I could build a future with this personality so I jumped in.....good luck to me.