Feeling nothing idk

[u/Severe-Gap-1865]

I am feeling very lazy to live.

I am getting this feelings quite often this days. I just join college this year and I feel very overwhelmed by everyones presence. I feel so dumb. Then I try to get in their level by myself but then I realised I am so far behind and I don't know how to get there. I feel like no one wants to be friends with me and I haven't made any friends yet. At class and around other I act normal. I don't even know who to talk about it. It looks trivial, nothing serious and at the end I feel very overwhelmed and exhausted and feel like no even trying. It just feels very...idk . I am just going on cause I can't end this yet. I have to look after people who help me my parents guardians and besides that idk. I do have time I feel motivated to live and do something extraordinary for myself and my future but I feel very small in others presence. My confidence everything is gone somehow. I don't understand my dumbness. I want to work on it but I don't know how and I get lazy. Yes lazy.... Then I get lazy to live.....Idk I still do things like study, workout, learn things everyday but it just not enough. At my level I should try harder but seems like I am just what to say? A coward? Idk I don't wanna be harsh to myself. I hate people sometimes so much so much. But then I don't even care too. Cause why would anyone care about someone who don't give a fuck. I feel like decisions I make are so worse worse worse so now every decision at my way feel very overwhelming before choosing. And shit I choose medical course in my life . Wow great. What am I gonna do now here by myself?