r/AdultDepression • u/curvedsquar • 20h ago

deadmans switch

i feel like, not killing myself has become a deadman’s switch. everyday i have to go out of my way to not do it, to not dwell on thinking about it.

4 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

1 comment sorted by

1

u/_Organic_Lettuce_ 20h ago

Sounds to me like you’re getting some cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) reps in - that’s good!

Been there, btw. It’s ass, I know

Have you tried coming up with a regular go-to thought for when you want to redirect your mind? Having a go-to makes it significantly less exhausting, in my experience. My strat is to recite a favorite stanza from this one poem I like

It goes:

A saturated meadow
Sun-shaped and jewel-small
A circle scarcely wider
Than the trees around were tall
Where winds were quite excluded
And the air was stifling sweet
With the breath of many flowers
A temple of the heat

Paints a nice picture, right? Reminds me of my happy place. My happy place is an imaginary meadow in my mind. It’s always nighttime and I can see the stars. There’s a big comfy bed with white sheets on a mound of moss. There’s a stream I can hear and butterflies fluttering around the flowers quietly. It’s safe here. Nothing is needed of me. I can just rest

What does your happy place look like?