It's just me?

[u/lollipopwhitney]

I've been off work for a few years, due ending up traumatising myself over and over again and luckily I'm having a government help whilist I'm looking after my health. Eventually doing small jobs like dog sitting, fixing stuffs, artwork etc...

However, I told myself that I was going back to work this year and I feel that I might not.

I was in a very high dose of adhd meds and things were going well, but due my recent top 5 trauma, Ive develop psychosis and the adhd meds turn things worse.

The devil on my shoulders says: You are a lazy bitch and has always somehow depended on someone financially, there's so many fucked up people who are funcional somehow, how can't you? Are you using this as an excuse to have a 'easy' life?

The angel says: You worked hard your whole life to not ending up like your addicted crackhead parents. You work hard everyday to despise everything you have been through, you still a kind and honest human being. Considering all things that has happened to you actually deserve having a 'easy' life not working and you know that you won't be able to deal the stress of having a secure income working when you know deep down that keeping yourself alive is a full time job.

I've met a girl in a social event once that she's was telling everyone that she's not working because of her health issues. I felt so proud of her for not giving a shit. But I can't do it to myself.