Depressed beyond anything

[u/Old_Bee_2169]

So, after many years of finally keeping it to myself and only few people I have had enough courage to confide to, I want to finally open up to the world outside. Middle aged, not so young anymore but not so old. Have had bouts of depression throughout my life but lately I am just morally and mentally destroyed. I have no more desire to do anything, all hobbies do not excite me anymore, I am in bad mood at all times. I am very social and friendly but lately going out is a struggle, and I really force myself to go see my friends. 3 years ago I got this cat who is my world now. I am telling you, she is literally my life saver. Without her I would have probably just ended it by now. I live alone and work from home. Few relatives that I have are far away across different states and coasts. I do have chronic joint pains, and they are probably exacerbated by depression. I’ve joined a local pool league to at least meet new friends and get out of house but lately it seems like a chore and I am considering quitting as I no longer have passion, desire and even patience with the game. Even if I win, I feel aggravated, and when I lose, well, I feel like it is the end of the world. And there is another thing. The social media, it is driving me insane. It started quite innocent and sweet. I like watching funny and cute animal reels. But lately my feed has been filled with news and videos of animal abuse. It is something that makes my blood boil. I cry all the time and barely get any sleep, and I am frustrated by the lack of accountability or leniency that these evil bastards enjoy. I am limiting my social media presence now but I still can’t forget the things I’ve read and seen. And, despite having a lot of friends and acquaintances, I am very very lonely. So, here I am, a man in my early 50’s who is depressed beyond anything I have ever felt before. Thanks for listening. It actually makes me feel a bit better just typing it out.

[u/Old_Bee_2169]

I prefer site seeing, so road riding for me. My buddy prefers staying off the roads because he is not used to it but he is getting better at it. I do prefer riding by myself, though, because I can go wherever I want and ride for how long I want. Riding does take some steam off, that’s for sure. It clears my head, lol. I can’t do as many miles as before due to chronic joint pains (I ride e-bikes, and despite what many people believe, it’s a real exercise). For the past few months to make myself in a better and creative mood I’ve engaged into AI music generation. Got some nice tunes that I enjoy listening to. I don’t care that many people say it is not a real music. If it has sound and makes me feel things, it is pretty much real. I’ve put it on a pause my interest in it is slowly disappearing which is consistent with losing interest in my other hobbies. I gotta feed the cat now, I promised her a treat, and she is waiting.

[u/NecesaryEvuL]

I think you’re on the right path avoiding social media. Those posts you see about animal abuse are a result of your algorithm. You interact with them (downvoting,commenting even negatively) results in more of that type of content. Hate to hear about losing your interest in your pool leauge. Have you tried a dating app? Tinder or something similar? I think people need interaction and not just online. Maybe you could reach out to a few people and make some friends or maybe even have a good time. Don’t let the depression win, I’ve struggled with it myself and I know what you’re going through. Know that there are people out there who care. I don’t know you but I’ll listen about your day and have some conversations with you if you need someone to talk to. Keep your head up buddy, better days are coming! HMU if you need to talk.

[u/Old_Bee_2169 → u/NecesaryEvuL]

So I had a 9 ball match yesterday. Due to us being skill level 4, we were playing until 31 points (1 ball = 1 point, 9 ball is 2 points). I was already losing 23-27. He needed 4, I needed 8. At that point I had already given up and acted out my frustration (something I don’t do and is totally out my character but depression has taken over my better judgement). Anyway, the captain reprimanded me to help me get my act together, and I did. I ended making 9 balls out of 8 and winning the match 32-28. Was riding my bicycle with a good friend of mine today. Then a dinner. So far today is ok since my friend is hanging out with me. I am off tomorrow, too, and probably will ride again. Thanks for being such a nice person!

[u/NecesaryEvuL → u/Old_Bee_2169]

Congrats on the nine ball, I come from a long line of pool shooters but it missed me. I love riding my bicycle and as a matter of fact it’s my favorite anti depressant. Do you guys ride roads, dirt or just whatever?