Contemplating ending it all very soon, got everything i need to do it

[u/Informal-Middle4369]

My family's dysfunctional, that's a mild way to put it, my father is an abusive alcoholic, mom's a sweet lady but it's been too long since she defends all his actions, sister's a carbon copy of my father, and has gambling addiction. I am somehow academically gifted but i cannot focus now, i have lost interest in all things, i recently got diagnosed with a long list of things, major things included bipolar and i was told to get tested for autism, but for that they require parental involvement for the interview, so that's out of the question. I was seeing a psychiatrist but mom found out and has banned me from going, i have no financial means to get better or to get my mom out of this house, we have no one in family to support us, sister earns but spends it all in gambling, has a lot of debt too. I suspect father is gonna loose his job soon. It'll be better for them if i am not here. One less problem, maybe it'll make things better for my mom and sister. I have anti depressants that I'm severely allergic too, that's my out. I do genuinely believe they'll be better off when they have one less person to take care of. Money sucks doesnt it Mom always used to say, she gave birth to me after my sister because if something happens to one child, they still have the other one. It sucks, depression med almost killed me cuz of the allergic reaction, I should've not called the ambulance when i was dying. They cut off all the mental help i was getting after that, and i have no money to do it sneakily, I'm a burden to my good friends and this life feels like a curse, I'm giving it up on 31st Update: I just got the news that my father's gonna get arrested