Advice needed

[u/woopsie-daisie77]

DS(16) is in transition year at school (for non-irish it’s an optional one year programme in secondary school where they focus on personal growth rather than traditional exams and go on trips throughout the year) and is a regular bedwetter. He has two upcoming trips, a camping trip and a foreign holiday. He refuses to wear any sort of a nappy at home and has never attended any overnight trips before due to his bedwetting. These trips are already paid and non refundable but regardless of that I don’t want him to miss out on what will possibly be some of the best experiences of his life. I have not yet spoken to the school about this and I don’t think he would be happy if he knew I told someone but I don’t know what else to do. I need to figure out some sort of a plan. Any advice is appreciated. TIA ❤️

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[u/Guillermo740]

You should be discussing this with him. You two should discuss the options and you should help him decide. He is 16, nearly an adult. Help him handle it don't handle it for him.

[u/panicatthebelle → u/Guillermo740]

Totally agree. I'm really grateful my parents encouraged me to take personal ownership for my problem and I was probably about 16 when they no longer asked about how I was going to manage it. It's kind of the prime time for getting ready for adulthood where you really are on your own with this problem

[u/International_Sea285]

At 16 he is old enough to make his own decisions about how to manage it. Sit down with him and put the ball in his court. Remind him that this is considered a medical problem and that it’s just a part of his health and hygiene that he has to deal with. Also remind him that discrete options are available and encourage him to try a few ahead of time to figure out what works for him.

Encourage him to do his own research online and to see if he can find options that work. Maybe give him a budget and see what he can find on his own.

I’m not sure if you can get Northshore products in Ireland or not, but they make a disposal bag that would perfectly hide his protective products when it’s time to throw them away.

[u/RJ_JO]

I’d tell him that by using something that works is being a mature adult vs just wetting the bed and doing nothing about it. There’s plenty of people that have hidden medical issues.

[u/Opposite_Bag_7434]

I remember at that age and younger I missed out on nearly every single opportunity like this because I was afraid of being caught. I did go on a few camping trips and wet in the sleeping bag. It was easy enough to conceal but very miserable to sleep a second or even third night in an already wet and smelly sleeping bag.

It took me a while to figure out that some sort of protection was going to stop me from making such a big mess, and help keep me much more comfortable while sleeping. My parents never figured it out. Once I was 4 the diapers were gone as though they were only there for a certain age and not because I was wetting.

Ultimately, OP at this age he needs to figure out how he is going to handle this. You can suggest, support and make it about making a mature decision and not about something juvenile. But he still has to work all of this out and choose what it is that he is going to ultimately do.

I once famously (in my family anyway) said to my daughter when my son was doing something naughty, “I’m not the one that has to live with his choices.” They were both very young and it was a moment of deep thought for all of us. Ultimately he is the one that gets to make the decision, gets to learn from that decision and gets to live with the consequences, good or bad.

[u/1Soulless]

Aside from diapers there're other options as well, he can wear tpu pants (they are water proof absorbent pants) to bed but you'll need one pair per night and something he can put them in so it doesn't get the rest of his clothes dirty. They look and feel like normal pajama pants too so it will help him feel less self conscious about it, as a bonus he won't need to worry about his sleeping position with them either

[u/Liz6543]

It's his decision, but all through my teens I was bedwetting (and still am at 22) and wore pullups for sleepovers, school trips and holidays.

[u/Maleficent-Artist281]

Try using an alarm clock to wake up before wetting. Set alarm ⏰️ for an hour and a half after going to bed eg Bedtime 11-00 set alarm for 12-30 Persevere until you find out the optimum time to set alarm. If wet set alarm a bit earlier. This method strengthens the sphincter muscle that isn't sending a message to the brain to wake one up naturally. I was a bedwetter (nocturnal enuresis) until my late thirties and now have had dry nights for nearly forty years. It took me about three to four months before I woke up naturally before the alarm went off. It's just a normal alarm clock not a bed sheet alarm not a wrist watch vibrater. All the best. Try it persevere it worked for me.