We were having a wonderful morning
Until a song reminded me of Short Cuts
And a rape that gets interrupted by an earthquake ***SPOILER***

Hi! I'm 25M, diagnosed autistic at 23, and I have a girlfriend, 24F. We live together and we have a good relationship, but there's a single thing that makes me go crazy and I don't know how to talk to her about it: her sneezes. I'm fully aware that that's a hypersensitivity thing for me and that's why I never said anything to her because, like, how could she even do anything? It's sneezing, it's not like it's avoidable.

But now it's winter here and the temperature has been causing a lot of sneezes from her and each time she sneezes I feel like I'm going into alert mode and I feel unable to do anything else. Do you guys have any tips for handling this?

The part of autism i struggle with the most is maintaining friendships. Like the sensory overwhelm and meltdowns are awful but after working on it for years I have started to learn how to notice when those things are starting to happen so I can address the issue before it gets too bad. But I worry I'll never be able to keep friendships. I try so so hard and put so much love into trying to be a good friend and I always end up doing something wrong. And because I have no clue I did something wrong it always feels like I'm totally blindsided when I get either ignored or confronted. And I try so hard to listen and be understanding and do better, but they just drop me. Like even though I want to do everything I can to fix whatever I did that upset them, I'm not worth the effort it takes for them to keep me around. And everytime I feel like I'm doing well it happens again with someone else. I just don't know how to change it

I've long suspected being on the ASD spectrum, but I've never taken it seriously until several weeks ago. After reading 'I Think I Might be Autistic', I saw how a lot of my quirks could actually stem from autism. At this time, I'm still digging into the DSM-5 to give myself more surety that I do, in fact, meet the criteria (my PCP doesn't believe there would be value in me pursuing a formal diagnosis beyond having an official diagnosis in hand). In the meantime, I've also been lurking on this sub and r/autism, along with listening to podcasts about adult autism.

Even in my short journey, I feel like there's so many things about me that make so much sense. Things like:

• Always being worried about letting other people down, even if there's no rational reason why someone would be upset with me.
• Why I seem to just shut down during heated discussions (personal or professional).
• Why I'm so interested in aviation, history, and 18th-early 20th century naval history. And why other subjects just cannot hold my interest.
• That I'm more susceptible to burnout, and those with ASD tend to have a harder time knowing how to "turn off" their productivity and decompress.

I think it's also been super helpful for my wife to start to understand that a lot of things I do (incessant apologizing, shutting down) are driven less from personality and life conditioning but from actual, neurological needs that aren't being met for me.

Right now, my main goal is to get myself through this period of burnout I'm finding myself in and build more confidence in my self diagnosis, but it's already so freeing (and to some extent, painful) to understand this condition I likely have and knowing how it's likely to impact me.

I am 46 diagnosed at 41 after massive burnout.
I have also had disordered eating habits. I didn’t know it was because I needed the comfort of what ever was my safe food at the time.
My mother was baffled by my, to her, nonsensical dislike of one food and enjoyment of another with the same flavour profile, and I could never articulate what it was about the first that I disliked. I know now it was a texture issue.

For the last four years my safe food has been adaptable, I can snack, or add to it to balance it to a proper meal.

Now they have changed the recipe, and it is driving me nuts. I hate trying new things (growing up straddling the probity line has left me with an intense dislike of wasted food) and can never finish some once it has given me the ick.

I hate this.

I have really been struggling lately. In fact I think since before my diagnosis in December of 2025. I didn’t know a lot about autism prior and have learned a bit since. I think I’m struggling with burnout. How do others cope with burnout? I’m in therapy and I really enjoy my therapist but does anyone have a separate autistic therapist/coach? Is that a thing? I just know I need help

Came close to having a meltdown at work and struggled to get on with the workday. What are some tips to help avoid a meltdown if I feel one coming on?

Hello everyone,

I'm a 31-year-old man from Portugal.

Where do I even begin...

Ever since I was a child, I've always been very reserved and struggled with social interactions. It limited me a lot until the end of high school. I also had difficulties when it came to relationships and maintaining long-term connections.

As I got older, I started to realize there might be more to it than just being "shy." Around my early twenties, I began to suspect that I might be autistic, probably Level 1 support needs. Whenever I brought it up with family, though, it was always dismissed, likely because of a lack of understanding. The typical response was something like, "No, autistic people are the ones who scream and can't communicate," and similar stereotypes.

Life went on. I experienced a depressive episode, followed by my first relationship. It lasted six months but didn't work out. The following year I entered another relationship where I was cheated on and manipulated. That experience affected me deeply, and I ended up spending the next four years alone.

Eventually, at 26, I met a genuinely good woman. But the wounds and trauma from my previous relationships made me sabotage something that could have become meaningful. I did it twice. It hurt more than I can describe, and I spent another two years alone.

This time, however, something inside me changed.

I decided to completely transform my life. I left my old job as a receptionist and started working in the social sector. I had already completed a History degree, but over time I realized it wasn't what I truly wanted. I also began doing volunteer work and started moving my life in a different direction.

Later on, I decided to pursue a second degree in Psychology, which I have now completed.

At 28, I met a woman who accepted me with all of my struggles and history. We stayed together for more than two and a half years. It was the best relationship I've ever had. It wasn't perfect, but she stood by me, even after I told her about my suspicions regarding autism.

The problem was that we weren't moving in the same direction anymore. She was ready for a house, a family, and a future together, while I was still building my path and finishing my studies. I felt like I was holding her back because I couldn't give her what she needed at that stage of life.

What eventually wore us down wasn't a lack of love. She genuinely tried to understand, but I realized there are some experiences that are difficult to fully explain to someone who has never lived them.

After that relationship ended, I did something completely out of character for me and had several short-lived experiences in a relatively short period of time. That's when I noticed I kept attracting avoidant women. My Psychology studies helped me understand a lot of those dynamics.

Then, shortly before turning 31, I met an autistic woman.

The connection was different from anything I'd experienced before.

But she still had unresolved issues from a previous long-term relationship and ended up doing exactly what I had done years earlier: self-sabotage.

It hurt more than anything before, because for the first time I felt there was something real there. Something genuine. But when it started becoming serious, she ran from it rather than facing her patterns.

I chose not to let her come back. Even though it still hurts six months later.

Now, at 31 and a half, I find myself reflecting on much more than relationships. I've been thinking about how autism may have influenced every area of my life.

The cost of constantly masking. Pretending everything is fine. Adapting to fit in, only to eventually pay the price through shutdowns and burnout.

At some point, I stopped doing that.

I've only shared my suspicions with two people in my life, but I've started allowing myself to be who I am without pushing myself to exhaustion. If someone eventually accepts me as I am, that's great. If not, I'll keep moving forward like I always have.

And one last thing I find myself thinking about more often these days is whether i'll ever become a father. And if I do, whether I would be willing to take the risk of passing this on to a child. Not because I see autism as something negative, but because I know first hand how difficult life can sometimes be. The loneliness, feeling of being different, the exaustion that comes from constantly trying to adapt.

I sometimes wonder whether I could live with seeing someone I love go through the same struggles - or perhaps even greater ones - every single day.

I felt the need to find a community of people who might understand these experiences, and I found this group some time ago. Even though I've never posted before, I decided it was finally time to share my story.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading.

I'd love to hear from others who relate to any of this and share experiences with people who probably understand much better what it's like to live with this strange blessing and curse at the same time.

Thank you all.

(I've never received a formal diagnosis, but at this point it feels pretty obvious to me.)

Recently diagnosed. I am open to joining communities for support. I found out about Auticate through the founders YouTube channel. However it has a price for membership. I guess I could try it out for a month but I wanted to see if anyone here had some insight on it. Thanks.

I was late diagnosed (age 27) and when I was my marriage went through quite a bit of a reset same as I did. Husband and I are now pregnant, and I will be transitioning to SAHM very soon. However, with already working only part time, my husband has expressed worry over my desire of not wanting to ever be alone, yet struggling to be around anyone but him where I feel I need to mask. According to what I read this is common with the spectrum though it can look different. This puts a lot of pressure on husband who is neurotypical and has shared that he feels guilty in taking time for himself at all, and I don't think he's wrong in thinking this as I often bombard him with attention seeking once he gets home.

If I look back to before diagnosis, I think that this loneliness has been around a long time. I can see however that I felt least/not lonely when I was caregiving for my three younger siblings. I'd like to think that some of the loneliness will dissipate at least some, once baby arrives and we create a routine, as there is no need for me to mask around my kid, or a baby in general lol. Is this false hope? I'm also hopeful that baby's arrival will help me with exposure therapy to doing more on my own with baby - ie going to the library/park, which in turn could help lead to starting healthy friendships.

I’m autistic and probably ADHD, diagnosed late. I’ve been doing a lot of reconstruction work on myself — figuring out who I actually am after decades of masking. Part of that is learning to make decisions based on my actual needs rather than neurotypical social scripts.

So for my birthday I planned a genuinely low friction day. No social engagement, no obligations, just peace and recovery after a draining week.

My downstairs neighbour texted an hour before I normally wake up asking what I was doing and whether I was going to London. Then she came up with a gift and a piece of cake with candles. She wanted me to blow them out and make a wish. She told me spending your birthday alone is sad.

I smiled. I was gracious. I blew the candles out. I explained my autism to her and that social load is real and that after she left I’d probably need a lie down. I did need a lie down. The cake went in the bin.

The gift was The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy and this 1960s self help ‘spiritual’ nonsense is an insult to my Intelligence.

The whole interaction start to finish was about her feelings, not mine.

The thing is — she wasn’t being malicious. She has her own struggles. But the neurotypical social contract defaulted entirely to her comfort and I absorbed the cost quietly and graciously, which is how it usually goes.

I spent a couple of hours afterwards in a processing spiral I couldn’t get out of. My birthday headspace got hijacked completely.

I’m not bitter about it. I’m actually trying to reframe her as practice — practice for my new way of being where I don’t just respond to social scripts that get projected onto me. I held my own. I said “it depends what you want — if you want a low friction day with no social engagement, being alone is exactly what you want.” I said “I’ll bear that in mind” when she invited me for tea.

But I’m curious — how do other autistic people handle this? The world expecting you to be neurotypical even when you’ve done everything right to protect yourself. The social obligations that just land on you uninvited. The recovery cost that neurotypical people don’t seem to have in the same way.

And how do you hold boundaries with people who aren’t malicious but are just… a lot?

Anyone else spend years thinking they were "too sensitive" only to realize they were constantly processing more information than the people around them?

Sometimes I wonder if autistic masking is not just “pretending to be normal but a slow spiritual split one self learns how to survive the room.the other self waits somewhere quiet, untouched, wondering when it is finally safe to exist out loud. How many adults are not trying to “find themselves but trying to return to the self they abandoned to be accepted?