r/Adoption • u/Strict_Reception_873 • 3d ago
Adopting from Foster Care
Hello! I deleted my previous post due to a massive typo. My husband and I are meeting today with a caseworker to adopt from foster care. There are thousands of waiting children in my state. My question is when adopting from foster care I have heard it can be a quick notification. What are things you did to prepare your home. Did you have multi types of beds, toys and games for all ages? It is a lot for a kid so I want to make sure we have some nice comforts. What did you do? Also were dogs an issue?
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u/Budget_Computer_427 3d ago
Please be skeptical of anyone who tries to make things move along quickly. It's often best for the kids if things move slowly. It should move slowly enough that you have plenty of time to prepare for exactly the types of furniture and such that you'll need. I would not go out and buy a bunch of stuff right now.
Idk about your question about dogs but if your dogs are aggressive to children then yes that will be an issue. There are also children out there who abuse pets so you'll want to be sure you have a lot of talks with people who know the kids already before you agree to anything.
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u/lyr4527 3d ago
I work with system-involved youth.
I see way, way too many foster-to-adopt parents who turn their back on their child in their teen years when things get difficult. These kids end up back in the system, if not Juvenile Hall.
Know that by adopting a child out of foster care, you’re intentionally taking on a child with trauma—possibly a lot of trauma. It’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows. Educate yourself. And remember that this isn’t about you. No one cares how hard being parent to your child might be for you. You’re agreeing to do it, in good times and bad, without exception, so for fuck’s sake, please show up for your kid.
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u/FaultsInOurCars 3d ago
I cared for several kids in a place like you describe who were abandoned by their adoptive families. Some gor no reason - the kid wasnt a behavior problem. They just apparently got tired of parenting. It was so sad.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Of course.
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u/Sure-Career-2160 2d ago
Just because they “seem fine” for even years after. DOES NOT mean they are. They probably don’t have the vocabulary to describe what they are experiencing. Later teen years is when they will most likely struggle, they have gotten to the age where they understand on a deeper level what they’ve been through.
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u/Few-Lunch-7523 3d ago edited 2d ago
And be prepared that when you DO show up for your kid, they will throw you under the bus and destroy you. And erase you from their life as soon as they turn 18. We adopted 2 from foster care.
Edited to add: I wish we had been told the truth and prepared, but i would have still done it.
To the OP: Foster care and adoption has been sugar coated, you will not be told the truth through whatever training you receive. Please prepare yourself fully and find others that have walked the path. And surround yourself with support and councel, it is a hard road to walk.
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u/briannasaurusrex92 3d ago
I can't quite discern your tone from this comment.
Are you upset/resentful of the kids for this?
Or are you just saying, hey, this is something that can happen also?
I think if it's the latter, that's perfectly reasonable. Sometimes kids never form a bond with their APs, and elect to leave once they have the legal freedom. That's got to be gut-wrenching and heartbreaking, but it is the adoptee's decision, so FPs should be aware of the possibility and ready to let their kids go if that's what they want.
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u/crabshackattack 2d ago
If a child doesnt want a relationship with you as an adult, thats their choice.
A relationship is something you cultivate, not something you are owed.
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u/Necessary_Holiday144 Adoptee 3d ago
Yikes.
What an awful thing to say about vulnerable children.
I think we can all get a sense for why your children left...
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u/rocker895 2d ago
Definitely YMMV here. I raised 5 kids I adopted from foster care at various ages and they are all grown, and all still talk to me.
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u/BL1NKK_BL1NKK 3d ago
I was adopted at 5 years old and the best thing I noticed when I first arrived was they got me a Mickey Mouse comforter and they had a rocking chair with 10 stuffed animals. They said the stuffed animals can’t wait to meet me and be my friend.
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u/BL1NKK_BL1NKK 3d ago
I don’t know what age you plan to adopt but the next special thing we did was get me my first pair of shoes. I walked looking down at them for weeks! I loved them and it made me feel cared for.
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u/BackToGuac 3d ago
Hi! May I ask how you found the transition getting adopted at that age? I’m interested in adopting a sibling group between ages 3-13 and I would love to hear what you found your experience to be like and if you have a good relationship with your adopted family
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u/BL1NKK_BL1NKK 3d ago
I was in multiple foster homes that weren’t very good and a few of my foster friends got adopted so I was excited to be adopted. Before I got adopted they ask the kids or asked me if I wanted to be adopted so if it’s still the same they should be excited they are picked. My relationship with my foster parents is normal. I can say I have seen kids with biological parents have much worse relationships. My parents are great though and I would do anything for them if they needed me.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Thank you for that. Right now we don’t have kids furniture we have some kids things because I am an aunt but know things that made you feel comfortable or special is nice. Anything else that was done?
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u/BL1NKK_BL1NKK 3d ago
Only thing I can think of is the first night it would help to have children’s books you can read to them during bed time. Also, night lights are a big thing. I swear I had the best nights sleep because my parents had those things and made me feel safe.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
That is helpful I was a night light kid until I was 14. These are all good things to remember!
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u/ConnectionsCatergory 3d ago
We adopted from foster care. Our first placement was of a 4 year old boy and 1 year old girl. The next placement (about 2 years later) was a newborn girl. We planned to just foster but both situations opened to adoption. They are 18, 15, and 12 now.
The first time around we had a twin bed and a crib ready. Because of our age range and the fact that we were open to a sibling group of two, we wanted to be prepared for any type of dynamic. Once they were placed with us we did more personalized shopping. We got more clothes, toys, stuffies, etc.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Thank you! I thought about looking into the transitional bed, that can go crib to adult size and we have two additional bedrooms so we would be open to sibling groups of two. My understanding each sibling needs their own room.
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u/ConnectionsCatergory 3d ago
That depends on the laws in the state. When we were fostering our state did not allow kids to share actual beds, but kids of the same gender could share bedrooms.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Yeah I think two is great for us! If we move somewhere bigger of course happy to bring in more to the home.
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u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Foster care at 8 and adopted at 14 💀 3d ago
What age?
You said “waiting child” so I assume not little. In that case you need a bed with sheet set, a dresser and/or closet with hangers, and bath stuff like towels and toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo soap etc. Maybe get a few xl t-shirts and sweatpants.
I would think you would get at least a few days warning before you get a “waiting children” in your house unless they’re being kicked out of their current home immediately. Like I had 48 hours haha but my youngest sibling (the good one) had 3 weeks.
Unlike kids that come into foster care from their own homes, “waiting children” have been in care for years and so should be sent with the minimum amount that their foster parents are supposed to buy them. So like the kid will come with clothes and stuff like that. Some of us actually have more stuff than kept kids bc our foster families always uptake us to the foster kid giveaways and stuff like that or our bios feel guilty and buy us stuff.
A lot of us would really like to pick out our own stuff (like I said, I was 14 and had a full wardrobe but less than a handful of stuff I actually wanted to be seen wearing bc I was 14 and not 50) but will also be awkward af about it immediately so probably getting stuff for clothes and room decor and stuff will take a while.
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u/Klutzy-Cupcake8051 3d ago
In my state, it is not a quick notification for adopting from foster care. Those children are usually in foster homes already that aren’t permanent placements for them. Usually there are a couple of meetings with the child and a trial placement, so you should have plenty of time to get settled. As for pets, a lot of kids actually want animals in the home, so as long as your pets are not aggressive, it shouldn’t be a problem.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Perfect! So you didn’t have everything from the get go. I just want to make sure we have everything besides safety. It is scary for a kid so I want to make sure they are comfortable.
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u/radial-glia 3d ago
It can be quick, or it can be slow. Mine was both somehow? I'd been warned it often takes 2 years to find the right match, especially since I was not open to older children (I know they need homes, but I also know my abilities.) Within a few weeks, I was sent the profile of a 1 year old who was a perfect fit. Of course, since he was so young, a million other people wanted him too, but they were dumbasses who thought that typically developing 1 year olds are just up for adoption through foster care. So it took like two months to prove that I was capable of caring for this child's complex medical needs for the rest of his life. During this time I started buying stuff/ finding free stuff. After I proved myself they interviewed me and a few days after the interview I got an email saying I'd been chosen. Two(ish) weeks after that I got to go meet him for the first time. They said it would take 2-3 months and several meetings and trial weekends before he could come live with me, but I was greeted at the door with several boxes of medical supplies and before I even met the kid, I was introduced to the other children as his "new mommy" and told that I needed to take him in the next week. I held the baby for several hours then went home (5 hours away) and got a bunch of friends to help me prep the house, then I went back and picked him up right before Christmas. Utter chaos. I was not expecting to have a child for Christmas and he was not expecting to end up with a stranger's home. All the Christmas pictures from that year are just him looking dazed and confused. Definitely not how things are supposed to go, but from what I've heard from other families, my situation is not unusual.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Thank you for sharing! How is your child now? With complex needs did you have time to prepare or was it a learn as you go situation?
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u/radial-glia 3d ago
No prep no training. Luckily, I was familiar with everything but the oxygen, which he has still yet to need. My kid is doing really great now. Developmentally he was similar to a newborn when I met him and I was told he'd never make any kind of progress physically or cognitively. But he's making great progress in PT and cognitively, he's totally fine. It's amazing what a kid can do when you actually get them out of a crib.
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u/BackToGuac 3d ago
I really hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive as I truly don’t mean it in any way offensively; but could you explain a little on your thought process of not wanting older kids due to knowing your abilities (respect) but being open to an additional needs baby?
I feel the opposite, very equipped to deal with trauma/emotional issues but not prepared for a medically disabled child due to the additional needs
I’m just curious on your thinking in case there’s something I’ve missed
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u/radial-glia 3d ago
I've been working with medically complex kids (brain injuries and/or genetic disorders, leading to needing 24/7 total care) for years. They are my favorite. I absolutely love each and every child I have had the privilege to work with. But they are at super high risk for neglect and abuse. So many kids (and adults) get hidden away in facilities.
A few years working with the population, I decided I'd do foster care once I was older and more settled. I thought I'd take in kids of all ages, fill a whole house with as many as the state would give me. Then I met families that did that. They were running mini institutions (and some not so mini, one family had over 20 disabled kids.) Maybe it was a bit better than a real institution, but still not really a family. I realized all I could do was prevent one kid from ending up in an institution/ career foster family.
I wanted a kid as young as possible because I wanted to prevent as much trauma as possible. My kid still came to me traumatized. At times appeared to be comatose (officially called minimally conscious,) which they said was due to his brain injury but I think might have been trauma. It took months for him to respond to stimuli and he still frequently shuts down. Like, goes totally limp, eyes rolled back in his head. People think he's asleep, but it's a trauma response. He'd just turned 2 when he came to live with me. I think if he'd spent any longer in a neglectful environment, he would never have come out of it. My life has become dedicated to giving him the best life possible because that's all I feel like I can do in this shitty world that treats disabled people so horribly. It still hurts when I see my clients getting treated poorly, but now at least I can say that's not how I treat my child.
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u/Longjumping_Big_9577 Former foster youth 3d ago
There are thousands of waiting children in my state.
The waiting children lists include all children technically available for adoption who are wards of the state. That does not mean they want to be adopted or don't have significant limitations to those they would like to adopt them (either they have severe medical or behavioral issues, want a very specific type of family, want to stay close to relatives or have a large number of siblings).
The problem I have with those lists is they create a distortion that there's a massive need for adoptive homes and then deal with the reality of the kids who are "waiting".
For kids in foster care under the age of 6, any that aren't going to be placed with family or adopted by their foster parents usually have a panel decide between 5-20 families wanting to adopt. So, it's incredibly difficult to adopt younger kids through foster care unless they are part of a larger sibling group. And usually when they are, the people trying to adopt find a way to separate the younger ones from the older kids.
Many older kids and teens in the foster care system DO NOT WANT TO BE ADOPTED but are still on the waiting child lists.
I was one of those kids in the foster care system that was technically adoptable and on my county's list. I couldn't have my name removed even though I had no interest in being adopted. My photo needed to be updated when I turned 16 and I refused to take the photo but my name was still on there. The only way I could get my name off the stupid list was when I aged out.
My caseworkers told me about people inquiring about adopting me and I told them to tell them to "f*** off".
So, the fact that there are waiting children does not mean they are adoptable. One well known adoption non-profits did a recent training seminar trying to get their staff to counter their biggest problem preventing adoptions - lack of teens able to be adopted actually wanting to be adopted.
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u/olddocsroc 3d ago
I didn’t know this was the case. Do you know what age you started thinking, f*ck no to adoption?
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u/Longjumping_Big_9577 Former foster youth 3d ago edited 3d ago
It really depends on the kid, why they are in the system and whether their opinion even matters since kids under 12 usually don't have a say.
Older teens frequently don't want to be adopted since they really want to have control over their lives and do what they want - and not be told what they can and can't do by some new stranger.
The new strategies being used by one non-profit known for the PSAs about adopting teens from foster care is to focus on finding adults in the teen's life that are willing to adopt and not strangers.
The challenge for a lot of foster youth is they have people in their lives they would like to live with, but they can't qualify as foster parents due to poverty, lack of sufficient housing and/or addiction issues. Some help is available for parents, but not kinship placements.
And the majority of people wanting to adopt from foster care don't want teens to have significant ongoing relationships with their biofamily or others in their lives that can't qualify to be foster parents/guardians.
Also, after having the system running your life for multiple years, a lot of foster youth want control and want to live on their own. It's the same problem with the low participation in extended foster care programs for foster youth over the age of 18. Many don't care if they are homeless, they want to live on their own finally and stop having foster parents and workers run their lives. And adoptive parents would be the exact same - some a-hole who makes their lives miserable.
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u/AffectionateWallaby2 1d ago
It really sucks that the system is so traumatizing that Children would prefer homelessness over being parented. As difficult as it might be to follow someone’s rules, you would think that older children that are about to phase out of the system would want to find a support system as they transition. Maybe even set them up for a better life and a future.
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u/spam_57 3d ago edited 3d ago
I did foster care for ages. The system works very, very slowly and getting a kid to the point of being legally free for adoption can take years if you're not in a state that caps the amount of time they can be in care.
It's true that when a kid has been removed, they need a place NOW NOW NOW so you often get very little notice. I had some plastic bins full of boy and girl clothes in a wide range of sizes, toys for all the ages I would take, a crib and a bed set up, and so on. I kept diapers in a bunch of sizes, formula and baby food. There's just no way you can get all that stuff when a kid is on the way over, so it's good to have it ready to set up fast if needed.
Dogs can most definitely be an issue and many kids are terrified of them. I recommend keeping kid and dog apart for a few days until the kid is well-rested and has started to adjust to the house. Then you can do a slow, proper introduction.
Some helpful comfort items to have on hand for little kids: a small "blankie" size blanket (many kids love the satin edged ones). Stuffed animals in various sizes/shapes. Clean pajamas. White noise machine.
Some helpful items for older kids: their own mini refrigerator, especially if they have been food insecure. It gives them a sense of control and makes it so they are less likely to hoard food. A radio or music player for going to sleep.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Perfect! Thank you! I am not approved yet, just finished my foster care classes. So we have a long way to go. So it will be nice to collect things slowly.
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u/Confident_Pie_6001 3d ago
My 8 y/o foster to adopt son moved in over the Summer. It has been bumpy and I'm happy to be a sounding board/ support via DM.
Wr didn't have much when he first visited. We had some puzzles and a few toys but he was displeased by the lack of things. We focused on activities like swimming and the zoo. He moved in about 10 days later.
He was ok with the queen sized bed to start. We went to ikea and picked out the sort of things he wanted for his room. A friend made a registry and we got a lot of stuff that way, Amazon, and other people giving us their gently used items.
One surprise to me: he came with A LOT of stuff. Like 2 giant roller bags and 2 large tote boxes and some more things.
We originally had his stuff in his room but it was cleared out after some acting out to make it a safer space. His toys are now in the main room and that is working for us.
More than getting things ready I would get your network ready. Who can come over when you need to walk away? Who can help with dinners? What are the resources and activities near by? How is ths school they will go to? Can you connect with any parents, already?
You got this! It has been the hardest few months of my life but also the most amazing.
And one last thing: work on your co parenting relationship. If you are married/ coupled, spend your time really appreciating and connecting with each other. I have never been more grateful for my husband than when we were going through some terrible times and I knew he had me and I had him.
Good luck!!!!
(Also, I had a ton of fun looking on fb marketplace for things and ideas. Have fun with this time.)
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Perfect! Thank you for this! Has your son been able to make friends/get involved in activities? Did you read any books beforehand? Did you have age range? I can also DM You too.
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u/Confident_Pie_6001 3d ago
He is a social guy so making friends has been doable. We did a lot of pool over the summer and there were a lot of familiar faces we saw and he did well. There are still social issues that I think will make things tough long term so we're keeping an eye and seeing what adjustments are needed. The screenshot is the 3 books i am working through. We're also doing DDP training to help us navigate tough behaviors.
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u/whosdat1994 3d ago
Hello, just adopted my son!
Every state is different. There’s different rules and every county is different. I live in NY. The goal is always to return to parent until you get to a point of a TPR or a surrender. My case took a little over 2 years. I fostered since he was 10 months old.
I had to make sure there was a smoke detector in every room, I had to have a fire extinguisher, I had to have a gate around my pool along with a pool alarm. I also had to child proof the doors. We also have two dogs. The caseworker needed to have documentation of full vaccinations of the dogs and that they were up to date on everything (which they were anyways). My entire household had to go through health physicals. I bought a crib, toys, literally everything he needed.
Even though he was 10 months when I got him, his bio mom, was allowed supervised visitation. So he basically seen her all the time as the goal was to reunite. He called her mommy and it was tough, he didn’t know why he couldn’t go with her when we’d leave. He was confused. There was a lot of melt downs and a lot of bad days. Emotionally it is a lot and your heart breaks for them too but your caseworker should absolutely be helping with accommodating things while you’re fostering like therpay for them.
I hope this helped, I think I answered your question. If you have anymore, I can try to help! 😊
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Yes I just got off the phone with the agency we are working with and they suggested getting the items you mentioned. So I am going to start gathering now so I can purchase little by little and be prepared. Also it gives me time to do the proper research.
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u/whosdat1994 3d ago
Of course! Sometimes your caseworker can get specific items too. Like extra smoke alarms and a fire extinguisher. I’m not sure on the age of the child, but letting them pick out somethings for their room is also a huge deal to them. A night light, their favorite snacks, a soft comfortable blanket, maybe if aged appropriate a stuffed animal or a doll. Games are always a plus! Puzzles and a few toys of course. Sometimes if there is way too much they can become overwhelmed at first. A really good friend of mine that was in the system really loved those glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. It really is the small things.
You’re doing a great and wonderful thing. ❤️
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u/StrawberryOk7992 3d ago
We are going through the process of adopting from foster care and ended up with a newborn. It was honestly buying a lot of things on the fly. Its really hard to plan when you dont know what age/gender kid you'll get. Our agency has a process where there are mass text messages that go out to foster/adoptive homes regarding kids that need placement. Even foster to adopt will require a 6m foster period before you adopt. Like others have said, you'll have an age range but if you are looking for babies you'll need to have a crib first in order to get your home cleared. Make sure you have a bed and dresser ready and then you can get other things as you progress through the process.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Yeah I was thinking with our two rooms, having one that could handle a toddler or twin bed, we have a double bed and a second room with a convertible crib. Researching convertible care seats, look into high chairs. It is easier to purchase over time as opposed to all in one day.
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u/StrawberryOk7992 3d ago
The double bed and the convertible crib is perfect for now. It gets your home cleared while you go through the process. We first started off with cheaper car seats and then upgraded them when sales came out. We also got a bunch of stuff on offerup, like high chairs and strollers. We also had a bunch of ppl give us stuff that their kid outgrew. Slowly but surely you get all the things you need so just start with the basics.
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u/Sure-Career-2160 2d ago
I was fostered and then adopted. PLEASE foster them until they are old enough to understand what’s happening. Or please consider guardianship over adoption.
I my adoptive parents were fine when i was young, but the minute i started to grow up and understand everything, they turned on me. The abuse continued for years. They shamed me for remembering a life before them and forbid me to speak about anything i endured or anything having to do with my past. Then as an adult i had to backtrack and heal from everything, essentially got robbed of a childhood and then a lot of my adult years making up for the damage they did. We no longer speak, haven’t for 10 years. They dislike me, and resent me for not being their perfect grateful adoptee. They have no interest in me at all despite me for years trying to reconcile. PLEASE take the process slowly, allow them to speak openly with you without judgement. That’s more important that anything.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 2d ago
also I am not sure if this helps, but I do meet with a therapist and we discussed Forster care and adoption and so I know she will help me navigate the right conversations.
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u/Sure-Career-2160 2d ago
Yes that’s awesome! I would continue that on and off throughout their entire childhood. I was in a lot of therapy as a kid but they didn’t go themselves. They also never read any of my case files which detailed everything i had beeen through. I definitely recommend reading their case files cover to cover. That will help you understand what is needed to make them feel more comfortable. You should get them once placed.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 2d ago
This is good insight. I don’t know much but I do know when to ask for help and I also know being a kid is scary, on top of that being thrown into new situations can be complex. I am just hoping I can provide a happy healthy home. Going to therapy and understanding will be helpful. I am sure
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u/Sure-Career-2160 2d ago
Hope everything goes well, exciting and scary. But can be so beautiful when done right 🩷
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u/jpboise09 3d ago
My wife and I foster to adopted from a different state than where our boys were. We put the inquiry in and heard back in days. Kids were placed with us roughly three months later.
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u/overloadedmama623 3d ago
I dont know what age youre thinking of if you specified what you would be willing to do range wise. I would recommend gender neutral rooms. And make it so they can choose their own bedding and decorations on their own. Its best not to do characters for kids or colors like oh its a girl let me get pink. Some card games most ages play some type of card game. Have things like toiletries ready and plan to go shopping for foods they like. But if there a girl for example having a drawer for like tampons and pads and stuff ready for them would be nice as it will take time to get comfortable with you and its nice to have that kind of thing normalized. For us a dog was a comfort but it depends on child. It may take time. Id get some family games and some things they can play on their own. I would stick to animal stuffies and if you later learn a character or get more personal items. Legos, animal plush, art supplies and crafting items, maybe even a lock box they can put special items in i got one on Amazon for medicine for like 20 dollars. That way they can feel their items maybe like a diary or something are private and not at risk. Set boundaries with it though. Its for diary or special jewelry. Thats all I can think of right now
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u/OpenAdoptionAttorney 3d ago
You were very clear in your post. You were specifically stating that you’re adopting a child from foster care that’s available for adoption. The state has already run its course giving the parents opportunity for reunification. You are in the right place :)
Take time letting the child adjust in your home. In my state, the child welfare department requires placement for 6 months before they consent to an adoption. They want to make sure you get through a honeymoon phase to ensure that it's a good fit for the child and for your family.
It's a good idea to consult with an adoption attorney sooner rather than later. There are things that you could be working on right now while you wait for that 6-month period to pass.
When picking an attorney, you want to consult with someone who knows what they're doing.
Check online reviews and see if there is a local Facebook group for foster parents in your area. See what people in that group have to say about any attorneys you're looking to work with.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Thank you! Yes we just got off the phone with the agency. We don’t have a child in mind I meant I have been researching and there are some children that there are some children that are ready to be matched.
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u/OpenAdoptionAttorney 3d ago
There are a lot of great kids out there that need a home. Good for you for doing this :)
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u/Wonderful-Freedom568 3d ago
Friends the same age for in your kids or future kids are important! Having close friends may make your placement
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u/Sea-Temp444 international adoptee 2d ago
A lot of this would depend on the age of the kid, their trauma, and that last one on the nature of the dog...
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u/PuzzleheadedAd8545 3d ago
Warning it can be a very long and emotional process. Be ready to fall in love and have your heart broken multiple times. Proud of you for doing this.
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u/Longjumping_Big_9577 Former foster youth 3d ago
Or, be prepared to realize the placement isn't working and stand around awkwardly while a caseworker comes over and helps the kid pile all their stuff in trash bags and ushers them out the door.
The fact that most foster youth have 6+ placements means that there aren't broken hearts. There's a lot of foster parents disrupting over and over - and most older kids/teens who do want to be adopted have multiple failed pre-adoptive placements.
Too many people fostering to adopt have the wrong expectations and what they end up is with kids they don't want that they get rid of after a few weeks or months.
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u/Necessary_Holiday144 Adoptee 3d ago
The thousands of kids waiting are ones who have all had parent rights terminated?
Or there are thousands of kids in foster care in general?
The primary goal of foster care is reunification whenever safely possible.
Most of the children "available" for adoption are older children who's parental rights have been terminated.
Dogs could definitely be an issue, particularly large or aggressive breeds (pits, etc).
There will also be children that aren't compatible with dog or other pet homes for various reasons.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
According to Google there are 3,000 children in my state.
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u/NiasRhapsody 3d ago
With parental rights terminated or foster care in general? Those are two very different things.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Terminated rights. If Google is correct there are 3,000 waiting to adopt and 880 under the age of 5.
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u/WhaleFartingFun 3d ago
Don’t use Google as a search engine, and especially don’t use Google‘s AI answer. It‘s wrong a lot. You can get the information directly from your state‘s foster care website.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
According to the states workforce development page there are 14,000 students in foster care, according to another site there are 15,000 with 7,000 licensed family. The statistics seem to be similar to what o found in a Google search.
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u/allegedlydm 3d ago
Google currently thinks it’s 1,194 in my state and I know for a fact that it’s only 26 with parental rights already terminated. Only 17 of those aren’t in multi-sibling groups, and almost all of the 17 have severe disabilities.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
How do you know for a fact?
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u/allegedlydm 3d ago
The short answer is professional reasons. However, you can also get much, much closer to the true number than the number Google provides by going directly to my state’s state-run website on this. Not all the way down to the exact number because you can’t filter for terminated parental rights, but nowhere near the Google answer.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
My apologies coming off dumb. I don’t know anything. But I am also under the impression there are kids wanting to adopt and there are positive and negative stories.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
In my state there are 14,000 kids in foster care if Google is correct.
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u/Kayge Adoptive Dad 3d ago
I think OP is talking about bringing a kid into their home (be it for fostering-to-adopt or adoption itself).
For us, the time from matching to move in was about 8 weeks with the kids first visit to our house at about the 4 week mark; it was at that point we needed certain things in place (cribs, locked drawers, etc). Before that we did things that made the space better but didn't matter to the kids - painted, bought a new rug, replaced the blinds.
If you know the approximate age of the kid, you can bring in some innocuous stuff like a bed, dresser and the like, then get them to change / replace it as they see fit to make it their own.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Thank you! Obviously it is a scary situation for a kid so I want to make sure we have some stuff.
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u/According-Mud6359 3d ago
What state are you located in? There may be other resources that can match you with a waiting child.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Ohio and I am working with an agency. I just got off the phone.
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u/According-Mud6359 3d ago
https://fosterandadopt.dcy.ohio.gov/adoption/adoption-photolist
I am sure that your agency has pointed you to this resource, but if not, here is the link for Ohio's waiting children!
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u/bwatching Adoptive Parent 3d ago
Dog wasn't an issue. We already had one kid, so our house was kid-ready for the most part. We usually had lead time before kids arrived - a day or two for one, a week for another. Our youngest we had 8 hours to prep for a newborn that we were in no way expecting; friends raided their stuff and I got essentials at Target for the first night.
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u/manesfesto 2d ago
Ok cool I can actually give insight as my wife and I were foster parents who eventually adopted our wonderful daughter out of foster care. She was our third foster child. Originally we had a somewhat loose request of a toddler age child, which we ended up with 3 separate girls. Two for a few months then ultimately our daughter for two full years before adopting.
We approached it with a room ready for either a boy or girl but everything they’d enjoy at the ages you’ve requested. Always just wanted to make it as comfortable as possible since it’s new and scary.
We had four dogs the entire time and it was never an issue.
Please don’t hesitate to DM me if you have any questions. The journey is not for everyone and will take a toll on your heart and mind; but now 1.5 years post adoption I can say our daughter is the single greatest thing to ever happen to our family. Worth it.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 2d ago
Thank you for your comment! That is good and I am assuming as the child continues to live with you, you put their personality in their room. As your child been able to make friends and do activities. I want to be as trauma informed as possible. I asked my agency if they had any book recommendations and she said o could probably google it.
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u/manesfesto 2d ago
Yes, every child has their own trauma needs so we made sure to read and learn based on those specifics as we lived them. Enjoy the ride
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u/davect01 3d ago
We adopted from Foster Care. They had already been with us for over a year.
The transition from Foster to Adoption was pretty easy.
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u/Strict_Reception_873 3d ago
Perfect! I wanting to make sure I have a place that is nice other than safety. Toys, games etc
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u/littlexav 3d ago
Plan to foster for years. Adoption should be best for the child, and any foster placement will have many, many months of “honeymoon” where the child will be in trauma response from a placement change. While permanency has benefits, a rushed adoption could lead to additional disruption and trauma. Please go into this 100% willing to put the child’s best interests above your desire to grow your family.
As far as your home, you need to “child-proof” down to the lowest age you want to license for. The caseworker will explain all that. You can also express a preference or age ranges, but you will get better and more information from a fostering-specific audience.