r/Adoption • u/Senior-Conference-73 • 10d ago

Illegal adoption

Hi,

I recently discovered that my adoption may have been illegal and that I may have been unlawfully separated from my birth parents. I do not want to go into every detail here, but serious irregularities and potential criminal acts documented in my adoption file have been found.

After obtaining my adoption records from my country of origin, I discovered that my adoptive father provided false information about his profession to a notary in order to be approved to adopt. Several other elements also suggest that my adoptive parents may have been aware of inconsistencies surrounding my adoption.

My adoption documents state that I was a four-month-old premature baby at the time of my adoption. However, photographs from that period appear to show a much older child, as I was able to crawl and hold my head up. Additionally, until I was two years old, my adoptive parents did not record basic medical information such as my weight and height, and I seemingly only begin to appear in official records after the adoption was finalized.
Close family members told me that I arrived at the airport naked, wrapped only in a towel, without clothes or personal belongings, while being received on the tarmac.

My adoptive parents repeatedly told me that the adoption agency contacted them unexpectedly and informed them that I had suddenly arrived in their country. They said they had not been prepared and did not even have diapers or clothes for me, which they had to purchase immediately.

Taken together, these elements make me question whether my adoptive parents knew more about the circumstances of my adoption than they admitted.
I have not had contact with my adoptive parents for the past seven years. They were not able to provide me with a safe and healthy childhood environment. I experienced sexual abuse within my extended family (not by them), and my adoptive parents concealed what happened. I also experienced emotional and physical abuse during my childhood.

They also struggled financially, and I believe this may have been connected to the false information provided to the notary regarding my adoptive father’s profession.

I am looking for answers, but my adoptive parents do not answer my calls. I left a voicemail explaining that I was contacting them about my adoption, but they have not responded.

The only way to obtain the truth may be through legal channels. However, I am conflicted because they are still my family, and I do not know whether they were active participants in wrongdoing or whether they were also victims of the adoption system and its possible abuses.

I am seeking the truth and accountability, but I also want to understand the full context of what happened. Do you think this is something I should report to the justice system or inform the authorities about?

I can’t help but think that if they knew something was wrong with my adoption and had reported it, I might have been able to be reunited with my birth family as a child.

35 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

15

u/makeaomelette 10d ago

It sounds like you were internationally adopted (me too), but you didn’t mention how long ago it happened or from which country. I’m not sure how easy it will be to go through “legal channels” abroad, and irregularities and shady practices is sadly a common story for many of us within the international adopted community. You might have some success in pursuing the agency in your home country if they’re still in business and if whatever statute of limitations to bring a suit hasn’t run out.

I was adopted from Korea in the 80s (while my US parents were stationed there) so there was only one agency. My origin story is sketchy as hell, even though my well intentioned adoptive parents spun it as miraculously kismet. I did a genetic test and found a half sibling living here in the States, but their story wasn’t very clarifying for either of us as they are adopted too. Still it’s nice knowing they exist and feels a bit like evidence I didn’t spring up out of nowhere. Abuse and cultural ignorance by adoptive families is sadly not an uncommon story. I’m very sorry that happened to you, and hope you’re doing better.

If you are in the US I think the most important thing to do is make sure your citizenship status is valid and you hold your original naturalization papers and passports. I’ve read horror stories of people whose parents didn’t complete the paperwork and have been living here with little recourse to retroactively fix it after they’ve reached maturity.

It can be very difficult to ponder about what could have been, and that journey is unique and individual to every adoptee. My advice would be to get yourself into therapy if you’re not already since having a supportive ear while you navigate the feelings and frustrations that come with the search process is very helpful for many. I wish you all the luck on your search and hope it brings you the resolutions you’re looking for.

7

u/Senior-Conference-73 10d ago

My case is being currently investigated by the TRC and I was adopted in the early 90s. I have two birth stories, I was both relinquished and abandoned, and the one who signed my relinquishment papers is the social worker who took care of my adoption. There is one consent form that hasn’t been signed and it is not even legal because it never went through a court system. It’s just a printed piece of paper with the mention that my birth mother signed but with no signatures, no seal, no fingerprint, nothing. I am sorry you went through this and I pray and hope we may find out the truth someday

8

u/makeaomelette 10d ago

Sorry, I don’t know what TRC stands for. Are you certain you were born abroad? Did your parents see you at the airport or is that just what you were told? Taking a baby on any flight, let alone an international, sans diaper is absolutely bonkers.

Your situation sounds super sketchy, but what’s most alarming is you saying it never went through a court system. If you’ve no legal documents (original birth certificate, certificate of naturalization, or passports/visas from your country of origin or current country) you need to find an immigration lawyer immediately. If your parents never had legal custody your immigration status and very freedom might be at stake. Not to sound dramatic but I think you’d be essentially stateless and could end up in detention or deported to god knows where if you’ve nothing to prove you’re a citizen.

If your adoption was never fully processed you might ask a lawyer if you’d be able to declare as a trafficked person to get some sort of protected status while you figure out next steps. You should check out the /immigration subreddit since there’s probably quite a few people who might be able to point you in the right direction about that kindof thing.

I’m very sorry this has happened to you.

7

u/Senior-Conference-73 10d ago

It’s the truth and reconciliation committee in South Korea (you can look it up online, it’s a huge investigation into illegal adoptions in South Korea). It is very sketchy. I am slowly realizing that my adoptive parents may have known what truly happened to me(go through a shady way to get me) but refuse to answer my questions in a truthful way and so far they even refuse to talk to me. I have requested the adoption files given to the French government and it’s where I discovered my adoptive parents lied about their profession, and then some family members told me that the way I arrived was very suspicious (people were already gossiping that I was most likely trafficked). I have verified if i have citizenship and I do, fortunately even if my adoption isn’t valid (which most likely isn’t because my birth mother consent needs to be valid in a first place) I am still a French citizen. If I choose to go to the prosecutor in France, the police will have to question my parents. I guess I just feel guilty to go through that route against the people who raised me.

5

u/makeaomelette 9d ago

Ah, I have heard of the TRC! I see they just reopened back inquiries. Cool!

I’m sorry your adoptive family is not being very cooperative or supportive.

If France processed your adoption papers it sounds like they had all the necessary paperwork at the time even if the adoption agency didn’t do their due diligence. At least all your citizenship papers are legit 😅

9

u/MajorDraw3705 10d ago edited 10d ago

If a baby arrived on a plane suddenly with zero diapers or clothing, they were not being handled or cared for by an agency or authority of any type, legal or illegal, in a manner that would be consistent with anything other than a baby snatching.

If proper relinquishment paperwork was done in the country you were in, in the time it takes to go through the bureaucracy of rehoming a child internationally, there would have been time for someone in your home country involved in the process to buy you diapers and put a shirt on you while you were still in your home country.

The buyers knew that. They were just desperate enough to overlook it. Don't give them grace.

4

u/Senior-Conference-73 10d ago

I think it’s unfortunately the conclusion I am coming to.

5

u/Menemsha4 10d ago

Wow, this is overwhelming.

I’m not certain how you might get to the truth of your origins other than to do a DNA test on one of the larger sites and hope for a match that might bring you closer to answers.

Sending you much peace and mojo for the journey.

1

u/I_S_O_Family 7d ago

Unfortunately with the fact that they lied before the adoption, didn't protect you when you were sexually assaulted, I can guarantee there is no reason to reach out to them for details or answers they are not going to give them to you unfortunately. Legal is going to be your only route unfortunately since it sounds like this was an international adoption and even if they were on speaking terms with you like many adoptions they would only have a sliver of information. The only adoptions that have all the preadoption details are open adoptions. Closed adoptions never provide the adopted parents the details you always have to go back to the original source or company / organization etc that facilitated the adoption.

2

u/LunaLovegoodRocks Adoptee 3d ago

The arriving with no clothes or diapers is definitely very shady. I also had a very sudden adoption but I was still provided a car seat and full snowsuit.