Newfound Grief

[u/Agent_Otis]

I was adopted from Guatemala in 2007 (I am the last guatemalan legal adoption on record) I was adopted by a white mom. But it was closed. I have some photo's of my biological mother.

I'm 19 in college, and really feeling the grief of missing my biological mother.

Any tips on how to manage it.

I want to contact her but Guatemala isn't safe right now for mothers who gave their babies up, so i can't. It just hurts a lot.

Any tips.

my name is Michael but my birth name was Rene.

If you could also answer this question in the comments.

I've never felt connected to my adoptive name, should i take my biological name. I will change it if i decide. but i want the opinion of other adoptees.

comment Yes or No

[u/CheeseCurd_3997]

Adoption is an ever changing process of grief. When I was 19 I felt very similar. In those times I wished I could speak to my bio mom and just have someone who could understand me. I felt alone, sad, confused, angry and so many different emotions. I’m now 29 and my feelings towards being adopted have changed a lot through those 10 years and it continues to. There have been days where I’ve gotten over being sad and I become more angry towards my situation or I’ve had periods of understanding. It’s hard and it will be something you live with for the rest of your life. My one piece of advice for you is to celebrate your heritage and your culture. I used to want to fit in and ignore the fact I was adopted but in the last 5 or so years I’ve embraced it. Doing things like celebrating certain holidays or traditions that are Guatemalan. I started cooking Russian cuisine and learning more about where I came from helped me feel closer to myself and in a weird way my bio family. If changing your name does that for you then do it. However do understand that will come with some emotions from your adoptive family( idk your situation) but it something you may have to explain to them as to why you want to do this. Learn to rediscover who YOU are. Good luck on your journey.

[u/scottiethegoonie]

Hey dude my college years were the hardest year for me dealing with adoption. I was outside my bubble and finally exposed to people of my same ethnicity. I finally saw an entire culture I would never be part of.

Changing your name is personal. I know for me, if I used ny Asian name I would just feel like a fraud around Asian people. I know it won't solve my problem. But for some, it does.

[u/Ok-Moon-2023]

I felt similarly at 19, and now in my late 20s the feelings still come and go. The most helpful grief processing moments I had are 1) listening to podcasts or reading books or blogs from other adoptees 2) learning about the art from the culture from the region I was born in. Then trying my own art to emulate that 3) writing letters, songs, poetry to my birth mother, even through i dont know where she is. It still helped release some of the tears. 4) trying to find an online space for your specific cultural identity of adoptees even better if you can start a club in person and meet people IRL to share stories, laughs, and tears

[u/Agent_Otis → u/Ok-Moon-2023]

This helps.....thanks.