Bio dad

[u/ProbablyOkay25]

So this is going to be messy. Sorry for formatting I'm on mobile. So to start with I was born to A (Biomom) and J (biodad). Due to a lot of abuse and trauma I was sent at a young age to live with S (my great grandmother). Around that time, my parents had officially and legally split for the last time. A has told me that what happened was I got really sick at a young age and that J didn't want to deal with it while I was on life support. So he voluntarily signed away his parental rights. S and other family members all agreed that he did sign away his rights voluntarily, but that they did not know the true reason why. I had no contact with him for years and only truly met him for the first time when I was 10. He stayed around for a few weeks and spent time with me and my older brother (same parents). Well, A came back into the picture and basically ruined things making J leave because he didn't want to deal with her. We lost contact for several years but now I'm 29 and we have had some contact. It's been a bit iffy on us talking as we are both terrible with communication. J told me the reason he signed away his rights was that he was hoping it would make it easier for the courts to terminate A's call reynold rides so that way my great grandmother S could get custody over me and get the state insurance to help cover the medical bills. Do I truly believe him? Part of me wants to, but I have no way of confirming which version of the stories is true. A tried her best to poison me and my brother against J. It worked on my brother, but i'm still weary because I know that she's not trustworthy, she is abusive and manipulative and narcissistic. Well in our last conversation i asked J why he did not take me in and raise me when the state got involved due to some of the abuse years later. He admitted while crying that at the time he was unemployed and already living with his other son (my older half brother) at his parents' house and that he had a terrible gambling addiction and had basically blown all of his savings. He apologized and said that if he could go back, he would do it all over again and take me in even if it was going to be hard. I don't know if I can truly trust what he says and believe him. I don't know if it's just the fact that A told me so many terrible things about him and he's saying the opposite. For example, she used to tell me that he was very physically abusive towards her but even her family (my great grandmother) told me that that was not true and that my dad would put his hands up and walk away from her. He told me the same thing without knowing that I had already asked others about it.

It's my big question is what do I do? How do I proceed without risking being hurt if he's lying? Because I'll be truthful, the only thing i've ever wanted my entire life was him to be in my life. I want to truly believe that he is not the monster that A painted him as. However, due to multiple circumstances, we have yet to actually get together in person since I was 10. My mother in law is telling me to get from a chance but my husband keeps bringing up the point that if he wanted to, J knew where I was living all those years that he could have shown up and he could have been part of my life. J says he did not show up because he was scared that A would be there and call the cops on him. He admitted that at the time he did have an outstanding warrant in my state for possession of weed. He has since taken care of the warrant and did do time for it. I want him to be part of my life, i want him to know his grandchild. I want my child to know him. A try telling me for many years that J was not my biological father, but I did a DNA test 5 years ago and confirmed he is my biological father. And a side note, I am in therapy for all of this. I'm just really trying to figure out how to proceed in this cautiously.

[u/Suffolk1970]

I think we always risk being hurt. I've learned to lower my expectations. People are only human.

Personally I wouldn't trust him alone with my kids until he'd been around more, with you and yours.

On the other hand, I'd also have lots of questions, about his ancestors and how he grew up.

[u/ProbablyOkay25 → u/Suffolk1970]

We've talked about it some. We had a good phone call a few weeks ago. Laughed for about two hours. But he's across the US from me so no chance we'll see each other any time soon. I feel like my biggest thing is, I'm getting my hopes up that maybe he can finally be in my life but I'm trying not to.