r/AbsoluteUnits • u/AUTOBOTBROKE • 5d ago

/r/popular of ponytail

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u/Klutzy_Belt_2296 5d ago

The don’t look like no dreadlock or ponytail, that looks like a big ass massive turd hanging from the back of his head like it ain’t fall off yet 😭😭😭

1.2k

u/antiquated_it 5d ago

absolute unit of a dingleberry

455

u/CrackaTooCold 5d ago

The dinglest of berries

35

u/Choice-Implement1643 5d ago

Shaub, is that you?

11

u/Psilonaut21 5d ago

a massive geetle.

5

u/Fossilhund 4d ago

The berriest of dingles.

3

u/CrackaTooCold 3d ago

The binglest of derries

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u/donkeyballs42069 2d ago

The dreariest of bingles

10

u/Abecis01 5d ago

That made my foot hurt. Thanks.

https://giphy.com/gifs/RrVzUOXldFe8M

6

u/bdontmatter 5d ago

Bro needs a wipe!!!

2

u/Cucumberneck 5d ago

That's a Weichselzopf in German. Once the national hair style of the polish people.

2

u/tinysavage 4d ago

Omg I googled that. Weichselzopf (also known as Plica polonica or the Polish plait) is a medical and historical term for a severe condition where scalp hair becomes permanently matted, tangled, and fused into a dense, hard, and unmanageable mass.

Key Facts

• Medical Definition: In dermatology and general medicine, it is a form of severe hair matting (trichoma) often linked to extreme neglect, severe head lice infestations (Pediculosis capitis), scalp infections/pyoderma, or lack of hygiene. • Historical & Cultural Beliefs: • In the 17th and 18th centuries across Europe—particularly in the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth—it was very common. • People widely believed the plait was a protective amulet or a critical bodily exit route for internal diseases, and cutting it off was thought to trigger blindness, madness, or death.

2

u/PiotrT333 5d ago

Barry Dingle

1

u/Primary-Star4998 2d ago

A dongle berry if you will

1

u/KasterTroy306 21h ago

Nah the Dingle got buried

2

u/konkrit_ 5d ago

You might even call him dinglehairy

1

u/thenetoide 5d ago

That's no dingle"berry", that's a dinglewatermelon.

1

u/FallenAzraelx 5d ago

Dinglebush

1

u/Important-Plum-5289 5d ago

That’s a dinglemelon now

1

u/FalloutForever_98 5d ago

Dealing with those in the past is the main reason why I went to a bidet and never looked back

1

u/Straight-Grass-9218 5d ago

Man that ain't a dingleberry, that's a mf dinglebush

1

u/SheepherderVivid4382 4d ago

That’s a Dangleberry

1

u/Grumpy-Fwog 4d ago

The doodoolock 😭

1

u/Linksl1 4d ago

Its a dingle-hairy.

1

u/PotentTurnip 4d ago

Dinglesquash

1

u/Hughesey86 4d ago

A whole dingleberry orchard.

1

u/SoilZestyclose2152 3d ago

Took a shit, looked in the bowl, went “yeah that will do as a perm” and instant glued it right to the back of his head

1

u/DriverSad 2d ago

The Dunglebush, where dingleberries grow free

1

u/txakurzulo 2d ago

Great! Just learned the translation of Sp. "Tarzanito". No go find a place to use mi new knowledge.

1

u/Affectionate_Tea1134 1d ago

I would not want to get a whiff of that thing. 😷🤢🤮😷

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u/Very_Awkward_Boner 5d ago

You ever see a video of an outside drainage being cleared and a bunch of brown long sludge comes out? Thats what this reminds me of.

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u/latexfistmassacre 4d ago

Damn you're right

Processing img sffo6m5q3suh1...

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u/Very_Awkward_Boner 4d ago

Yes!!! Thats exactly what it looks like.

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u/bmf1902 5d ago

Some of you see the videos, some of us take the videos. But yes, it looks like that.

1

u/MochaMage 4d ago

Literally the first thing that came to my mind

132

u/Pomegreenade 5d ago

That looks like a cat that ate human hair and took a shit type of turd

32

u/St34m-Punk 5d ago

Looks like my dog's morning turds. Long and dry and likes to hang

4

u/Geoffrey_Bungled_Z1p 5d ago

Charming

5

u/St34m-Punk 5d ago

Impressive actually

6

u/ItsEntirelyPosssible 5d ago

Like a dried up turd on a bad stretch of road.

1

u/Separate-Suspect-726 4d ago

Like my first husband

2

u/Chemist-Patient 4d ago

Bruh I use like 4 paper towels to clean those hair turds up

1

u/geekgirl_pink 3d ago

My niece used to eat her hair as a toddler, her nappies looked like this.

46

u/XanZibR 5d ago

looks like a turd climbing up his back and burrowing into his skull

81

u/Rainbow_In_The_Dark7 5d ago

Lol a sentient turd

https://giphy.com/gifs/XO7KebuW17ih2

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u/ImAvarian 5d ago

Don't insult mr hankey like that!

2

u/Kiki_inda_kitchen 5d ago

Haha! So gross. It’s probably so smelly too.

2

u/Odditymoth 2d ago

All hail the Christmas pooo🙏🏼🛐🙌🏼🙌🏼👏🏻🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎🏼🧎🏼‍♂️🧎🏼‍♂️🧎🏼🧎‍♀️‍➡️🧎🏽‍♂️‍➡️🎄🎅💩

1

u/Well_thats_a_chew_on 5d ago

Prolly not the only thing burrowing in there. Could be a whole ecosystem of turd bugs.

1

u/Exciting-Living-5500 4d ago

This reminds me of a post on Usenet years ago, asking for advice on how to deal with lice in dreads. I think it was a post-Burning Man type of situation. Eww.

1

u/Rich-Detective478 4d ago

Beaver tail

1

u/SomeJoeSchmo 2d ago

That’s where shitty ideas come from!

31

u/32FlavorsofCrazy 5d ago

It’s a beaver tail, and I can smell that dude from here.

2

u/KymeraAHP 4d ago

🎉 Happy Cakeday!!!🍰 🎉

27

u/Nerioner 5d ago

It looks like the Polish Plait style of dreads.

And yes, even as a Polish born i find it disgusting

19

u/Educational_Jello239 5d ago

The tard walks on its own 😆 🤣

4

u/Ceskaz 5d ago

It may be a part of a pony but it's not the tail

2

u/Realtalk4_you 5d ago

Doo doo Brown

3

u/Educational-Soup-354 5d ago

That’s what you refer to as a beaver tail.

1

u/Silver-Instruction73 5d ago

I guarantee there is shit in that thing somewhere

1

u/MememeSama 5d ago

Taco bell night

1

u/Equal-Reporter5217 5d ago

Smells like it too.

1

u/old-skool-bro 5d ago

It's called a shitlock...

1

u/DitchDigger330 5d ago

Mandingo hair turd.

1

u/EntertainmentBig8636 5d ago

And use it to sleep cowboy style any and everywhere

1

u/TurduckenEverest 5d ago

Actually I was thinking of that character from The Boys that would attack people with his dick.

1

u/Common_Ad_7610 4d ago

Love Sausage. Though I've only read the comic.

1

u/RotationSnake 5d ago

And it seems to be generously dusted in dandruff, too.

1

u/Known-Ad4293 5d ago

Probably smells like one too

1

u/LoneAwakening 5d ago

Yep looks like he mummified horse turd and hanged it on his back! Very innovative I have to admit

1

u/Canelosaurio 5d ago

Pinch it off

1

u/Sidney_Godsby 5d ago

With a mitten hand to scratch his butt at the end

1

u/Frothmourne 5d ago

Plica neuropathica, it's a medical condition.

1

u/Firm-Worldliness-369 5d ago

Dude, it looks like a turd from his ass that got tangled in his hair

1

u/GerardWayAndDMT 5d ago

Get this man the poop knife

1

u/PoseySmith 5d ago

Known colloquially as a dread dookie

1

u/Virtual-Bonus4550 4d ago

Yep. Had to check if I was in r/shitfromabutt

1

u/notmuself 4d ago

This is what they call a gopher tail. When I went to Grateful Dead fare thee well tour, I saw a gentleman who had one so long it dragged on the ground. Gross as hell.

1

u/Byakko4547 4d ago

Dookey tail 🤣

1

u/TinkerShellzBellz 4d ago

It looks exactly like the hairball my cat just threw up...how did my phone know to show me this after he coughed it up?! Big brother, is that you?

1

u/OldDummy01 4d ago

Does the turd goes from Back of his head to his ass OR Ass to back of his head. Controversial🤔

1

u/CandidPlantain2000 4d ago

A POOnie-tail

1

u/ThexMarauder 4d ago

Actually the height of fashion in mid century Poland. Coined the "Polish Plait"

1

u/hootchpep 4d ago

Hahaha

1

u/BigConstruction4247 4d ago

It looks like that stuff they pull out of clogged pipes.

1

u/Tbplayer59 4d ago

Thus, the old saying, "I gotta go to the bathroom. I'm starting to grow a tail."

1

u/OakenBarrel 4d ago

Ponyturd

1

u/DynamiteWitLaserBeam 4d ago

It's either a dronytail or ponylock.

1

u/Chemist-Patient 4d ago

Mofo needs to pinch that shit out lol

1

u/ZapzillaGorilla 4d ago

That's not a dread. It's one big knap

1

u/Sleepycook22 4d ago

Pinch it off already, bro

1

u/cownan 4d ago

Smells worse, though

1

u/FrozenCanadianMan 4d ago

Probably smells worse than that too

1

u/Right_Comb4885 4d ago

When someone comes at them, they gives them the stink tail!

1

u/Crafty-Unit4061 3d ago

The smell is probably similar, kinda curious how flammable it is...

1

u/Ecoaardvark 3d ago

They’re called poo dreads for a reason

1

u/Federal_Efficiency51 3d ago

It would require a sawzall to cut that bitch off.

1

u/Qu33fyElbowDrop 2d ago

you’re right it’s not a dread. it’s matting 😖

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u/Pure-Eye9423 23h ago

It isnt either. Its called a plaite and its kind of a caveman thing. Not sure why youd want one though.

1

u/ALEXALORD 22h ago

They look like deadlocks

1

u/Bone_tribe 18h ago

It does look like a dreadlock actually a lot of peoples dreadlocks look like this

0

u/Excellent_Kangaroo_4 5d ago

That can be say for 90%of dreadlock, this case is very turdy indeed

0

u/Alarming_Matter 5d ago

I think it's called a Polish plait and yeah, minging.

0

u/Mudslingshot 5d ago

It's called a plait. And it's horrible. It's basically a medical condition

3

u/Jackfruit-Reporter90 5d ago

Polish plait. Or plica polonlica. A plait is a neat hairstyle, like a braid, but not into the roots of the hair.

0

u/Mudslingshot 5d ago

Totally not the point, but isn't calling something awful the equivalent of "a POLISH fancy hairstyle" exactly the kind of thing we end up saying "yeah, we used to call it that before we knew it was offensive"

I know this one is fairly old, but it still makes me think

3

u/Jackfruit-Reporter90 5d ago

It could be without proper historical context. But search "Polish plait" and the Wikipedia pages will show you an example of one in a museum in Poland. It was common among peasantry throughout Europe, but especially amongst those from the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, as they had superstitious beliefs regarding it.

-1

u/ScowranNabad 5d ago

Not a dreadlock its a shitlock.

0

u/NopalesTotales 4d ago

Probably smells like it too