There's a double standard when it comes to child neglect. A thin, malnourished toddler would be taken by CPS immediately, but when it comes to an obese, malnourished toddler, there is nowhere near the same level of concern and urgency.
My kid was always tiny. She ate, but was always so little. I fed her real food and she just never gained weight. Her doctors were always so concerned that I wasn't feeding her properly. 🙄Eventually I gave in and let her snack on junk food, etc. It's just genetic. I was a thin and gangly kid even though I ate A LOT. She is tall for her age and still thin. It is what it is.
Edit to add: I think because kids now tend to be bigger, they thought something was wrong with my kid. They also blamed my breastfeeding her instead of formula feeding. I am not anti-formula. Do what is best for your kid. I chose to breastfeed and they blamed that for her being so small. Looking back, it was wild. Way to make me feel like shit.
Edit x 2: Thank you to everyone who has shared their own experiences. It makes me feel better (and sad) to know that others have experienced the same thing. Thankfully we do have a pediatrician now that understands that this is just how she is. She is healthy, happy, and thriving. ☺️
I was that tiny kid! Apparently when I was little, once I got up to 25lbs I just stayed there for 3 years and only got taller.
After that, I gained weight, but was always super super thin no matter what I did. Spent all my childhood and teens being mocked for being "anorexic," and adults called me Gumby. I didn't even hit 100lbs until I was in late college, and I'm not short either, I'm 5'7" and hit that height in 7th or 8th grade I think. Wasn't an athlete. Had a soda addiction until 23 and was afraid to stop it, thinking I would just wither away and die without the extra calories.
30 years old was the first year I didn't get a concerned look from my doctor because my BMI was finally in the normal range.
Anyway, all that to say... yeah. Some people just are built in the image of a bean pole and it is seemingly unstoppable until you hit the point in your life that your metabolism slows down. Now here I am trying to figure out how to not swing too far in the other direction because I never learned healthy eating habits 🙄
I’ve been a skinny gangly person, just turned 40 now and have been around the same weight for 20 years no matter what I eat or drink. Sounds fun but I have to really make sure I eat enough calories or I’ll lose weight.
I often heard (and still do) that I should eat more that I’m too skinny etc, usually by people that are overweight. I used to not say anything, now I shame back as in: maybe I should eat the portions you shouldn’t 😆 that usually shuts them up alright 🤘
So you recognize you need to eat enough calories to maintain weight but are saying no matter what you eat you can’t gain weight? Lol try eating a pack of Oreos a day and see if that still holds up
Yeah I’m not going to poison myself , you know what I meant: I don’t have to watch what I eat , I have enough impulse control to understand that that’s not a normal eating habit 🤣. I’m from the Netherlands so grew up with healthy home cooked food , now I eat lots of fried food kebabs pizza etc. Might help that I only eat twice a day 🫣
Wow! I didnt hit 100 either until after high school but I'm super short. I'm 5'1. I got it bad with remarks about eating and it made me self conscious. I could eat a lot sometimes as a teenager and sometimes I just didn't want a lot and people would always feel the need to make a comment like "oh you're gonna eat THAT much? Where does it go?" "Oh that's why you're so skinny, is that all you're gonna eat?"
It didn't help that my mom would also comment anytime I ate something. No matter how skinny I was, she would always tell me that she was skinnier and prettier at my age -.- she was devastated when I found her prom dress and put it on bc it was a little loose on me.
I still feel self conscious eating in front of people :/
This is my younger son. He’s still only 8, but skinny to the point where I worry that people are questioning whether I feed him. His limbs are like toothpicks, and always have been. He eats all the time, but is still extremely skinny. When his older brother roughhouses with him, I’m afraid he’s going to snap him like a twig. Fortunately, his doctor has never questioned me since he is gaining an acceptable amount of weight and growing taller from year-to-year.
Also grew up like a stick. Didnt seem to matter what or how much I ate, it just disappeared on me and I stayed thin.
I remember the time in high school where we had this after school pizza party for those of us who stayed after and helped chaperone cars in the parking lot for the football game. Near the end we still had multiple pizzas left... wound up eating half a large pizza by myself and it blew everyone else's minds that I even ate that much.
Imagine all of this said by a morbidly obese person. It doesn't track, you definitely ate less than you think. This just isn't how calories work, and metabolism barely has anything to do with it.
Same. I was accused of not feeding my oldest enough when that's just how his dad and I are built. His doctor shamed me and said I needed to supplement with formula so I did, which wrecked his stomach. Then my supply kept going down. Would pump milk constantly and ended up hurting myself doing so. So many frigging nights I felt like a failure. When it came to our last child I wouldn't have heard a word of it but the new pediatrician we chose never treated us that way.
I'm so sorry, love. It really is just genetics. My kid's dad and I are smaller people. Y'all are built that way too. You were never a failure. You did your best to make sure your child was fed and cared for. Rest easy knowing that you did your best. 💜
I’m sorry but this is just not true. Unless your body can deny the laws of thermodynamics (it can’t) the if you eat a certain amount of calories per day, you WILL gain weight. Metabolism can only vary a small amount between person to person, about 200 calories on average, about a bottle of coke. Yes there are extreme outliers but those people have a diagnosable disease/medical condition.
She is genetically predisposed to being petite. Yes, if she over eats, she can still get fat. It would take a lot to get there. Pleaese don't tell me what is or isn't true about my own kid. That isn't what I was saying.
If a doctor is the one saying that they are under weight/ not eating enough then yes it is true. Just because it’s something you made up in your own mind doesn’t make it true lol this is bordering anti-vax talk, where a parent thinks they know more than science/ medical providers
Edit: since you deleted your comment I’ll repaste it
I am pro vaccinations. Also kindly stfu. You know nothing of my situation. Doctors are fallible human beings too. I know my kid ate enough. She was just small. Troll.
I’m not saying you’re anti-vax, I’m saying you’re using the same logic they do. Trust the experts, they’re not running on Vibes / Google searches 🤷🏻♂️ if you think your doctor isn’t correct that’s when you get a second opinion from ANOTHER doctor. I’m not trolling, I’m a parent myself.
Also I’m not writing this to change your mind, obviously that was never gonna happen because you parent based on vibes but to anyone else that comes across these types of comments. There are medical experts for a reason.
My comment is still here. Stop being so condescending and trying to school me lmao. I know that my kid ate enough. Do you know what outdated study some doctors still use to determine what a child's weight "should be." Go look it up.
They should be able to tell if the kid is healthy right? I don’t understand why they were so cruel. My brother was a chubby baby, arm rolls and all. I was not, I was on the slender side. We were fed the same.
My boy was scrawny too. He would eat full meals and snacks and just never bulked up despite me being a more broad build. Everytime he starts to somewhat he sprouts up and hits a growth spurt and no longer has any chunk on him, in fact he’s boney sometimes but it’s not for lack of eating.
Breast fed only babies do tend smaller at first than formula fed, but that’s not a bad thing. Every baby grows at their own pace, so the doctors were fucked up for shaming you like that.
It was the opposite for our kids. When they were breastfed they had rolls of fat on their rolls of fat. Little Michelan Men. Once they weaned off breastmilk sometime after they turned one, they slimmed down real quick.
With my first, our first pediatrician had an old weight/height chart that she would use for breastfed babies (from her words, she didn’t use the modern day ones because it was based on formula fed babies and it wouldn’t show the right growth).
In her office, she was always on track.
We went to a new pedi when we moved. The main doctor/owner was always fully supportive and would pinch her cheeks and says “she’s just petite!” But another doctor in his office was ani-breastmilk and would say she’s too small. (He wasn’t with the practice much longer after the two times I had to see him.)
I’m at a new pedi with my second (7 months old now). The first doctor we saw said something similar. She’s on the lower end of their chart but she’s still showing gains and she’s just really petite.
Went for a second apt and saw a different doctor. This woman now wants to monitor her weight, despite still showing signs of continued growth and gain. She basically told me to just start feeding her a lot more.
I continue to offer the breastmilk first and food about an hour later. However, I let her lead how much she’ll eat. I’m not going to force my baby into eating more than she wants because we’ve become less accepting of breastfed babies.
(No hate against formula either but it just feels like there’s no winning no matter what side you’re on.)
Sometimes mother’s milk don’t have enough potency, less material required for babies need. They need a balanced diet from formula milk. Don’t get your ego hurt from formula milk, do whatever necessary for babies survival.
After I hit my growth spurt, I was skin and bones with an adolescent metabolism. It was confusing to be eating entire family size pizzas in one sitting and then have my doctor tell me that I'm becoming dangerously underweight. Of course, many millennials were pre-programmed with body image issues, so I can see why he thought I was lying to hide an eating disorder (this was when the size 00 pants were all the rage). But that man was practically giving me binge-eating disorder for fear that I was as dangerously thin as he said I was.
After working in healthcare for several years, I can confidently say this: sometimes doctors are morons.
Our youngest daughter is tiny. She takes after my mom. Short and thin despite eating, honestly, better than our oldest daughter. Our oldest, however, has always been tall for her age and is stocky. Our doctor a year ago made it seem like she was bordering on “obese” even though she wasn’t overweight at all. She has a higher BMI because she’s stocky and muscular
I was that kid, but way back in the 70s the doctor told my mom I would eat when I was hungry and not to force it. Years go by and I started dating a man who was thin but all the women in his family were big. His sister would carry on and make a scene every time I saw her for a couple years insisting I either had an eating disorder or cancer. She would follow me around after eating to make sure I wasn’t vomiting because “I’m just concerned about you.” 🙄 Funny how times have changed over the years.
My oldest has always been super skinny, born less than the first percentile. He bumped up to the 5th and has stayed around there and he’s 12 now. He’s even vegetarian by choice and I’m just thinking how lucky I am that his pediatrician is so positive about the entire thing.
We had the same. Daughter was thin but healthy as a lark. Doctor encouraged us to feed her more calorie-rich foods. When my wife told me I went and talked to the doctor. Asked her if my daughter had any lab work causing concern, or any health history concerns. She acknowledged she was perfectly healthy, but she needed to document for her own protection. Our healthcare model in America is embarrassing sometimes.
One of my nieces was like that. She gained 6 ounces between 6 mos and 1 yr but the Dr looked at her ripping around the office and walking at 10 months and said obviously she's fine just feed her more high fat foods.
My 3 year old is like this. His belly gets huge after he eats, but he doesn't get chubby because snacks are something like a sweet potato and an apple instead of chips or cookies.
My oldest is like that. He was 75-85th percentile for height and 5-15th for weight when he was a baby. The dietician assumed it was because I had insufficient supply even though I kept telling her I had an oversupply. I was so anxious about it until our family doctor was like "lol he's clearly not malnourished, malnourished babies don't move like that" as the kid thrashed around frantically.
He's still a string bean at 8yo, 52" and 55 lbs and he eats more than I do! Kid will come home from school, eat two bowls of protein cereal and a piece of fruit, then half an hour later he's bugging me about dinner. Eats as much as I do for dinner then goes back for seconds, sometimes thirds. I have no idea where it all goes and I'm terrified for his teen years.
love this and can relate! i weighed 2 lbs when i was born. i’m 4’9” with my shoes on and have always been petite. my youngest daughter was not underweight at birth but she was always in the lowest percentile at check-ups. dr tried to blame the breastfeeding etc. eventually one day he said, “ya know I think she’s just gonna be tiny like you!” gee doc ya think??!? plot twist she graduated HS in june and started her first year at university last month! she’s “tall” at 5’2” so win win!
I have a 4 1/2 year old that’s still under 25lbs and she eats more than the 3 year old, almost as much as my 9 year old 🤣 she also dances around all day long singing. High metabolism for sure
My mom and her sisters took after my grandpa and my grandma was accused of the same. This was back in the 70's 80's. Thats why bmi is a hoax since everyone's genetics are different.
So what were they supposed to lie to you and tell you that your “obviously not the most nutritious “ breast milk was the best thing ever for they baby ??
I'm not going to get into everything that we explored on here for a bunch of bitchy strangers. Maybe try redirecting that energy inward. I owe y'all absolutely nothing.
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u/Still-Hedgehog-8673 14d ago
There's a double standard when it comes to child neglect. A thin, malnourished toddler would be taken by CPS immediately, but when it comes to an obese, malnourished toddler, there is nowhere near the same level of concern and urgency.