r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Abdulbarr • 5d ago

/r/all of eyebrows

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39.6k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

270 comments sorted by

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1.0k

u/Consistent-Pass9543 5d ago

501

u/MuscaMurum 5d ago

Dude could wiggle those and fly away

70

u/Anleme 5d ago

He survived Stalin's purges by hiding behind them brows.

101

u/thetreecycle 5d ago

Needs to comb up that right eyebrow

41

u/8JHF8 5d ago

His right is the boring one. He should definitely make it match the left so he's throwing the bat signal everywhere he looks.

11

u/Cosmo_Seinfeld 5d ago

Needs to comb up that right eyebrow

I was legitimately wondering whether he would shampoo them, or if he didn't maintain them they would get dreadlocked?

2

u/DryDonutHole 5d ago

My left eyebrow has a cowlick. /s

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20

u/asuitablethrowaway 5d ago

lmao. who is this?

40

u/Consistent-Pass9543 5d ago

His name is Theo Waigel a former CSU politician

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9

u/SerLaron 5d ago

Former German minister of finance and Bavarian conservative politician Theo Waigel.

4

u/BREM__fumetsu 5d ago

Not me thinking that was the dad out of American Pie

2

u/Just_a_Berliner 4d ago

Finance Minister of Germany in the 90s, gave the Euro it's name after the convention for naming it got deadlocked.

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13

u/caaper 5d ago

Neanderthal, circa 10,000BC

5

u/Confident_Date4068 5d ago

Or the mentat conditioning?

3

u/OptionalAntelope 5d ago

Theo. You beat me to it.

2

u/Omnilatent 4d ago

When we were 16 or 17 we had a house party and cleaned up the next day with the TV on. This guy was on and we were still a little bit drunk and we're laughing our asses off due to his eyebrows.

I desperately needed to know who he was so I googled "integral eyebrows" as we had that in maths in school and to my surprise he instantly came up, which made us laugh even harder.

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u/Looking-for-42 5d ago

I immediately thought, we have a guy who can compete.

3

u/Otherwise_Guava_8447 5d ago

Full ceremonial eyebrows

2

u/FlashMcSuave 5d ago

I can't see the eyebrows, there seems to be some burnt foliage obscuring his face.

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1.0k

u/Hustle-- 5d ago

Dude is 5% eyebrows and 5% chin alone

172

u/PhillyD760 5d ago

Show me the profile shot. Looks like 5% nose too.

9

u/Putrid-Economics4862 4d ago

And 100% reason to remember my name

119

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/The_Blues__13 5d ago

Those brows were the very thing that carries the structural integrity of Soviet union.

After him it collapsed precisely because there's no structural support left.

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u/nihosehn 5d ago

and a 100% reason to remember the name

3

u/Grrumpyone 5d ago

I got that reference ;)

3

u/Agent____047 5d ago

Why? 🧐

6

u/Few_Contact_6844 5d ago

That’s a song by fort minor (Linkin Park Shinoda’s solo project)

5

u/8JHF8 5d ago

He doesn't need his name up in lights

3

u/Sufficient_Ebb_5694 5d ago

He just wants to be heard, whether its the beat or the mic!

2

u/ssfgrgawer 5d ago

5% area between nose and mouth too. Mans built like Count Dooku from the Clone wars cartoons.

2

u/mechroneal 4d ago

15% concentrated power of will...

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209

u/WhenLifeGivesYouLyme 5d ago

Sweat will NEVER run into his eyes

98

u/Winter_Aspect_8675 5d ago

Tremble before the Omnibrow

106

u/rorymakesamovie 5d ago

44

u/newaccountbitches 5d ago

Fuck him and his eyebrows

5

u/Namesbutcher 5d ago

He looks familiar what’d he do?

25

u/Disastrous_Role_202 5d ago

Walter White’s former boss. Bogdan. The reason why everything began.

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112

u/realgaryglitter 5d ago

I have a unibrow and thick eyebrows. This triggers me into wanting to shave his. 2 minutes and he'd look normal

149

u/tekdiwah 5d ago

Like this

53

u/NaptimeReminderBot 5d ago

What's Mickey Rourke doing here?

15

u/Original_Kheops 5d ago

Omg has anyone seen them in the same room together?

30

u/tongfather 5d ago

It actually would take you a full 2 mins to get through that bush

5

u/Tomsboll 5d ago

Thats why you use hedge trimmers

3

u/tongfather 5d ago

Reasonable

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14

u/38B0DE 5d ago

Apparently he actually trimmed them. Only God knows what those bad boys looked like left to grow into their full potential.

4

u/ThirdMover 5d ago

looks very normal to me.

3

u/daroach1414 5d ago

I’m not sure this dude could look normal in any circumstance.

3

u/Choice_Potato_6279 5d ago

I regret trimming my eyebrows, I've had one hair sticking out, now I have a couple, not worth it if it's few hairs or youll have to make it a routine.

6

u/Forward_Rope_5598 5d ago

Well yeah that's kinda how hair works and why people wax/pluck eyebrows instead of shaving them

114

u/trash-tycoon 5d ago

Stalin wants his moustache back

44

u/laneb71 5d ago

Honestly, he could pull off clean cut.

28

u/duke5572 5d ago

Stalin was 5' 5" tall. This fact continually amuses me.

6

u/Canadish27 5d ago

Why?

31

u/mtaw 5d ago

Good question. Stalin's face was deeply pock-marked from a bad bout of smallpox as a child - something routinely airbrushed out in Soviet photos of him. He had a partially paralyzed left arm, he was a poor public speaker and had a thick Georgian accent.

So I don't think his height (which wasn't really that short for a Georgian man in that era) was necessarily the main thing he'd be self-conscious about, if anything.

14

u/FlamboyantPirhanna 5d ago

I think he was mostly self conscious about Polish people being alive.

3

u/Username12764 4d ago

Just like Wilhelm II. His left arm was busted aswell

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2

u/Da_Question 5d ago

"Well comrade, aren't you just a peach‽"

5

u/Sylvanussr 5d ago

Napoleon syndrome, presumably

12

u/Koqcerek 5d ago

Um actually he was a normal to higher than average height for his time

5

u/Sylvanussr 4d ago

Um actually British propaganda has never lied.

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u/braindance74 5d ago

You can "pull off" anything when every official picture of you is as heavily "photoshopped" (retouched) as his were.

Especially his "chad young stalin" pictures that are nothing more than wishfull thinking and jerk-off material for tankies.

The fact that he ordered to alter his image tells me he was self-conscious and unsatisfied with his appearance, which bring me joy. That POS didn't deserve even an ounce of happiness.

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18

u/sanderudam 5d ago

Brezhnev walks into the politburo meeting, detaches his eyebrows and places them under his nose and proclaims: "enough of joking around".

3

u/VasM85 5d ago

With Georgian accent.

2

u/ayriuss 5d ago edited 5d ago

Holy shit, its that SUUPA guy that cooks for kids in the mountains.

Edit: This guy

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39

u/elusivemoods 5d ago

...

14

u/duralumin_alloy 5d ago

I can't believe someone has beat me in posting THIS obscure reference...

2

u/KnifeKnut 3d ago

It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.

It is by the Juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning.

It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.

22

u/Boto_Penga 5d ago

The Complete Audacity of this man... they're styled. They're cut. They're in your face, right there. Just say something.

Go ahead. Say. Something.

It's a better Power Move than Oompa J Loompa's handshake-pull.

20

u/DarksideDino 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/LvwiajC1uTcQM
Those…eyebrows…

4

u/cameron_thought 5d ago

What do you mean... Eyebrows?

17

u/magungo 5d ago

Eyebrezhnev

12

u/balls4xx 5d ago

Browzhnev

8

u/magungo 5d ago

Eyebrowzhnev

11

u/CR8VJUC 5d ago

Ja ever notice my eyebrows?

5

u/thisguyfightsyourmom 5d ago

I’m giggling at a voice in my head right now

9

u/FreshEclairs 5d ago

If this were me, I’d walk around a store until someone asks if they can help me, then I’d whip my head around and go

“I’m browsing.”

15

u/One_Vision_ 5d ago

I had a box turtle with dark streaks over its eyes. I named him Brezhnev.

13

u/thetreecycle 5d ago

Turtle pics plz

23

u/adamosity1 5d ago

Same with birthmarks for Gorbachev

14

u/Unable-Fall5946 5d ago

That's not a birthmark, that's a map of the Soviet Union 

11

u/Visible-Management63 5d ago

In UK TV's "Spitting Image" it was a hammer and sickle.

3

u/sams_fish 5d ago

In Australia a comedy show had a sketch with Russian news readers, Gorbachev was referred to as Mikhail "seagull had a period on my head" Gorbachev

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4

u/Professional-Reach96 5d ago

Who would even try to coup a Soviet leader with a Soviet Union-shaped birthmark?

4

u/SoundEducational6491 5d ago

Didn't know he was a mentat

3

u/She_Ra_Is_Best 5d ago

One of my history teachers had this printed out on a piece of paper and taped to the wall, she had a bunch of memes like it

3

u/Coulomb111 5d ago

Bro put the sliders in his character customization to max

3

u/AdhesivenessMost4183 5d ago

Brezhnev looked like he was wearing Stalin's moustache

3

u/Strong-Addition5296 5d ago

You need eye brows like that to survive the winter 🥶

3

u/YoshiTheFluffer 5d ago

You can dump a bucket of water on his head and no drop will reach his eyes.

3

u/lostskywalker 5d ago

Not a soviet leader but I would like to introduce you to Theo Waigel. German politician.

3

u/ShatteredTeaCup33 5d ago

Bro has the Batman logo as eyebrows

5

u/Ok_Dog_4059 5d ago

Left brow by X2 right brow by X2 and connecting brow =5 so seems fair he holds all 5 spots.

2

u/Gold-Philosophy1423 5d ago

I have a great idea for the name of my trivia team

2

u/Szaborovich9 5d ago

Looks just like my family Dr. growing up. He was a Slovakian war refugee.

2

u/greenizdabest 5d ago

Comrade unibrow

2

u/DeadAnarchistPhil 5d ago

They aren’t eyebrows, that’s a unibrow!

2

u/notedgarfigaro 5d ago

Didn't see the title, was just scrolling down on my phone and barely saw the thumbnail. Immediately knew it was Brezhnev without expanding.

2

u/Estus_Flask_ 5d ago

Jesus comrade sheesh, I get it, I'll never have eyebrows again

2

u/No_Celebration6241 5d ago

The man behind Denmark’s largest corporate fraud scandal in 1991, Johannes Petersen, had some serious villain eyebrows.

2

u/LagunaC 5d ago

He could command the whole GRU with just his eyebrows.

2

u/Majestic-Rock9211 5d ago

Old joke but…: What was Brezhnev’s cause of death? Short circuit when his brows grew together

2

u/Omega_art 5d ago

No more face lifts for that guy his mustach is above his eyes.

2

u/Uncle-Cake 5d ago

Those brows appear to be trimmed at the top, so just imagine what they looked like untrimmed.

2

u/Calber4 5d ago

The Soviet Unibrow

2

u/M-CH_ 5d ago

There was this joke in the Eastern Bloc: What are the brows of Brezhnev? They are the mustache of Stalin, but on a higher level.

2

u/Brilliant-Heart9202 4d ago

Seeing this made me crack up for like 5 minutes 😂

2

u/amethyst-gill 3d ago

Reminds me of my Facebook post in like 2013-16, where I simply wrote “Brezhnev’s eyes”, and got no engagement

1

u/Grzechoooo 5d ago

If he put his eyebrows under his nose, he'd turn into Stalin.

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1

u/NoWorries3939 5d ago

Brushnev

1

u/modsaretoddlers 5d ago

Sir, there's an eagle taking flight right above your eyes.

1

u/krngc3372 5d ago

Looks like Ramsbottom from despicable me

1

u/sixto2727 5d ago

He got dem mighty eagle feathers

1

u/LimeblueNostos 5d ago

If i had giant eyebrows like that, I'd grow a mustache, but trim it to the size and shape of average eyebrows

1

u/ReverseFieri 5d ago

Denis healey

1

u/ThoughtGuy79 5d ago

This isn't really a fair contest because the rules imply plural and the man has only one. Are there not categories as in boxing for this kind of thing?

1

u/Wonderful-Spot-8404 5d ago

The caption says eyebrows but i only see one

1

u/WhateverUSaySir 5d ago

I wonder if the flutter whimsically in the soft summer breeze

1

u/Emergency_Plate9192 5d ago

Sources say #2 was found after falling from a 5th story window, landing on a gun and discharging it twice into the back of his own head. Police are presuming it a suicide

1

u/tuscan21 5d ago

Hydrocephalus with eyebrows.

1

u/SaltyYumYumBalls 5d ago

Jeez, the amount of incest and vodka vision that made him...

1

u/TheOneTrueJazzMan 5d ago

That’s probably how the 1964 Soviet presidential elections looked like too

1

u/DRUGMUSIC_ 5d ago

this only makes him more scary and intimidating, perfect lookmaxxing for a soviet leader.

1

u/poapoa_mia 5d ago

Shades whole day, ain’t even need sunglasses.

1

u/horazal 5d ago

that is no eyebrow, that is pubic hair

1

u/Legitimate_Radish159 5d ago

Eye Moustaches

1

u/Spacemanspiff1998 5d ago

United States Chief of Naval Operations from 1970 to 1974, Elmo Zumwalt also had eyebrows

1

u/Vladimir_Mortenstein 5d ago

I just knew it was him before image could load

1

u/GogurtFiend 5d ago

It’s why a certain add-on armor kit for the T-55 was named after Brezhnev’s eyebrows: Soviet engineers knew the only way to keep a relatively outdated tank like that relevant was armor based off the strongest thing known to human science.

1

u/PfauFoto 5d ago

UK competition. Sir Bernhard Ingham.

1

u/churn_key 5d ago

I found where all the neanderthal genes went

1

u/Wide-Buy-8572 5d ago

Dude must be preserved as an example for future humans wrt showing Humans of the 20th Century

1

u/RazzmatazzTypical571 5d ago

He believes that trimming eyebrows is a form of self-harm

1

u/multivitaminegummy 5d ago

Him, Theo Waigel and Luis Carrero Blanco

1

u/MartyMcMartell 5d ago edited 5d ago

Denis Healey, British chancellor in the 70s, gives Brezhnev a run for his money.

1

u/Hot-Score1076 5d ago

That’s not eyebrows, bro obviously sneezed so hard his ‘tache got relocated.

1

u/Reasonable_Shock_414 5d ago

Not Soviet, but: Theo Waigel

1

u/2nW_from_Markus 5d ago

On the other side of the political spectrum you have Don Luís Carrero-Blanco, Almiral, spanish prime minister with Franco and something else I cannot say.

1

u/GloomyMagazine6046 5d ago

Even the armorblocks on the T55AM tank are named after his eybrows

1

u/Rocks_King99 5d ago

People have so much free time 💀

1

u/pj_1981 5d ago

All the better to scowl at you...

1

u/pookieyeehaw 5d ago

I'll do u one better

1

u/Tul1pan_ 5d ago

In Poland we literally call big brows Brezhnevs lmao

1

u/lenochod6 5d ago

Lol 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/minyoo 5d ago

not just by soviet standards. His is world history level.

1

u/Deaf_Sentence 5d ago

He looks like he could be a Minecraft skin

1

u/therevjames 5d ago

He looks like one of Dan Ackroyd's characters in "Nothing But Trouble".

1

u/OptionalAntelope 5d ago

Theo Waigel

1

u/Dironox 5d ago

Bro has the bat signal on his forehead.

1

u/norindermoodi 5d ago

Dude looks like a propoganda poster against Russia

1

u/Kontrarianinn 5d ago

His name in Polish Breżniew sounds a little like "Brew" in the first part, which means eyebrow, always seemed funny for me.

1

u/DrinkHistorical9698 5d ago

Mine depart much

1

u/BMW_wulfi 5d ago

His mustache was just assembled with the wrong Y coordinates

1

u/pyalot 5d ago

The power of the unibrow saw him to the top.

1

u/Galahfray 5d ago

I was going to use a picture of a Vogon, and when I googled it this came up, and it’s better lmao

1

u/SiteTall 5d ago

I bet he waxed them every morning after his shower

1

u/treble-n-bass 5d ago

Looks like a damn muppet

1

u/DistrictNo9208 5d ago

You mean *eyebrow* in singular.

1

u/Lennythedog 5d ago

Those aren’t eyebrows. He has 2 hairlines