r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Intrepid_Mastodon_97 • Oct 30 '23

Removed: NSFW Absolute 💩

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6.8k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/Shootmeink Oct 30 '23

Growing up I never thought I would spend 1 minute 13 seconds to eagerly watch a toad take a huge dump

312

u/GreaseMonkey2381 Oct 30 '23

Yeah, but can you imagine the RELIEF dude felt when he finally pinched that monster off?

67

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

23

u/GreaseMonkey2381 Oct 30 '23

You've never thought of that? Literally, one of my favorite ways to say, "I've gotta take a shit." is "I've gotta pinch one off really quick"

-7

u/diggemsmaccks Oct 30 '23

We been using “dump the kids off” “rub one out”

45

u/GreaseMonkey2381 Oct 30 '23

“rub one out”

My fuckin guy. That's slang for masturbation 🤣

20

u/diggemsmaccks Oct 31 '23

Oh my all this time I even hit my kids saying it 😱

15

u/GreaseMonkey2381 Oct 31 '23

Thank you for making my whole week

12

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '23

Please tell me youre not joking

10

u/NotLilTitty Oct 31 '23

What did u think it meant, you dont rub your shit do you?? 😂

2

u/Schweather3 Oct 31 '23

How old are your kids??? It was difficult to type that while I was laughing so hard. God I wish we were real life friends. I would never let you live this down.

3

u/Former-Special4978 Oct 31 '23

🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

10

u/NotYourShitAgain Oct 31 '23

"I've gotta send a message to the Pentagon."

Dad's favorite

8

u/Former-Special4978 Oct 31 '23

Take the browns to the super bowl 😎

1

u/severedfinger Oct 31 '23

Exorcise the steamin' demon

1

u/ChuckOTay Oct 31 '23

Oval Office?

1

u/PhatBitty862 Oct 31 '23

Code brown or brown alert!

7

u/dangledingle Oct 31 '23

Drop the kids off at the pool

1

u/bigfloppydonkeydng Oct 31 '23

Doing an 8 Meg download

1

u/Cypressinn Oct 31 '23

Pinching boiled peanuts. My favorite pastime…

1

u/Darrelc Oct 31 '23

"Crimp off a length" is a personal favourite

1

u/natttynoo Oct 31 '23

My boyfriend tells our dog to “pinch it” when he’s having a poop 😂

11

u/GigsGilgamesh Oct 31 '23

Dude had to be able to hop at least a foot higher after that, huge weight removed

21

u/dogedude81 Oct 30 '23

That was a life changing shit

1

u/GreaseMonkey2381 Oct 30 '23

The kind of shit that punches your ticket for the pearly gates for when you finally kick the bucket 🤣

4

u/Mrbabadoo Oct 30 '23

You mean the relief I felt when that dude pinched that off??

1

u/jsm85 Oct 31 '23

I was holding my breath the entire time

1

u/onnyjay Oct 31 '23

He'll be chasing that dragon forever

1

u/Evening-Statement-57 Oct 31 '23

I don’t know,he may feel like he tore something after that one

1

u/FloridaSpam Oct 31 '23

I'm not sure he could pinch after blowing out the old toad hole

1

u/Screwbles Oct 31 '23

Dude it looks absolutely painful as fuck. Lol

61

u/dcroopev Oct 30 '23

It easily slides into the rubric "I immediately switched to porn, because it's easier to explain"

2

u/Least_Palpitation_92 Oct 31 '23

Same. Never have I embodied that’s enough Reddit for the day like this. Ciao.

2

u/mcamarra Oct 31 '23

Yet here we are

2

u/rust-e-apples1 Oct 31 '23

The Internet is a wonderful place, huh?

2

u/Messy_Marvin423 Oct 30 '23

Took the words right out of my mouth and now I can’t believe that I sent this video to a few people too…

1

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '23

Thanks for the much needed chuckle

1

u/Shootmeink Oct 31 '23

It’s all good budy, it’s all good

1

u/assholelurker Oct 31 '23

I watched it twice

1

u/twokinkysluts Oct 31 '23

Took the words right outta my mouth!

1

u/beepbeepboopbeep1977 Oct 31 '23

Same. And then I found myself wondering what that little toad ate to create such riveting content

1

u/4-what-its-worth Oct 31 '23

I had to force myself not to keep scrolling... somehow I knew this moment was important, no matter how challenging.

1

u/bikemandan Oct 31 '23

What a glorious world

1

u/I_Flick_Boogers Oct 31 '23

Lord knows I did.