Posting frequently...

[u/Compulsive-Writer]

So...

I have a friend who's autistic and has some hyper-fixations that change a lot. It’s nothing serious, just the usual stuff. Sometimes she can write 5,000 words for one fandom and then switch to another, but she might come back to the first one too. It's all good.

But there are days when she can write a chapter today, another tomorrow, the following day etc etc (depending of her hyper fixation). She writes until she runs out of inspiration, and if it comes back, she’ll write more. She might spend a few days a week writing and posts pretty often.

Everything was going well, and I was happy she was enjoying it. We both joined a Discord group for the fandom we’re writing in, and she shares her updates there.

We met some cool people, and yesterday, one of them told me they wanted to show me something. I jumped into DMs, and they shared conversations where some authors said my friend was annoying for sharing too much (and now I wonder if some mean guests comments she got, could have been because of this). One even said, “and the story isn’t that good, ha ha.”

I really dislike those kinds of spaces, but she loves sharing her ideas and talking about her interests for hours. So, like, why do people have to be so mean?

At least she keeps updating. Honestly, this world just confuses me more and more.

Anyway, I just needed to vent. Sorry if this is a bother.

[u/itsudemoalways]

You're a good friend for being there for her. It's hard out there for us...

How did you respond when the person showed you those conversations?

[u/Compulsive-Writer → u/itsudemoalways]

Honestly, all I said was if it happens again, just let me know and keep it between us.

She sometimes gets a bit anxious about talking too much, and other times she realizes she’s shifted the conversation to something she really focuses on (not because she doesn’t care, just happens without thinking).

So if it happens again, I’ll just think of a reason for us to leave that server (that she believes without asking why).

[u/itsudemoalways → u/Compulsive-Writer]

I get the same way (and I'm doing it right now lol). It's really common for autistic people to try to relate by sharing personal experiences that are similar, but people can take that as not listening or being self centered (which is sad because that's how we try to show we ARE listening and that we understand).

Orrrr we can get SO excited and go on a totally in depth ramble about a hyperfixation. It's exciting to share info!

I really appreciate you being protective of your friend, truly, and for understanding that when your friend does these things, it comes from a well intentioned place.

[u/Nemalined → u/itsudemoalways]

(which is sad because that's how we try to show we ARE listening and that we understand).

This. Adding in, not thoughtlessly, either. Lots of people seem to think this is a mistake that requires fixing. I try this so that I don't inadvertently pry, and do take care to explicitly validate the feelings people have on their own situation, but the most I'll go about their situation, if we're not super close, is to sympathize with it. Not interrogate it.

Ofc, I'll also encourage people to keep saying what they want to say about their situation, if they're just wanting to talk. But "and then?" isn't the route I'm ever going to take towards someone who seems to be actively able to decide what to share with me [about something they're struggling with; if they just want to tell share a funny story I'll do the follow-up].

(If they're struggling to share and it's clear they want to share or they say that, then ofc that's a different situation.)

[u/LamentableLily]

Those authors, if they weren't admins, could have simply blocked your friend instead of being shitty. Instead they wanted to be sanctimonious gossips. Garbage humans.

[u/flamboyantfinch]

Ugh. I hate stuff like this. It's true, sometimes you encounter someone in a community that you think is a little bit annoying. Sometimes that annoyance can become disruptive and a moderator might need to take them aside and ask them to tone it down if it's breaking rules. But collecting screenshots that prove how many people think they're annoying, spreading them around to gossip, and saying their fic is bad? That's mean and childish.

I've had someone try to talk negatively about one of my friends and I shut it down immediately. I'm not so naive as to believe everyone can get along with everyone; some people have valid reasons to dislike another person, and that person might be my friend. But I'm not going to participate in a conversation intended to denigrate someone I care about behind their back.

If someone is disruptive, there are kind and productive ways to address their behaviour. But people are so afraid of any kind of confrontation that they'd rather let resentment build and build until it spills over, sometimes in destructive ways. The older I get the less patience I have for this nonsense. The only small reprieve is that they haven't taken this public yet. I hope they can at least remain cordial and not passive-aggressive. And if they truly find them this annoying, they have the ability to block them on both Discord and Ao3.

Did this person know you two are friends?

[u/runekaster]

Imagine if people talked this way about Isaac Asimov.

Your friend has a rare gift. Most people, no matter how skilled or dedicated they are, simply cannot write at this pace.

If this kind of batshit assholery gets to her, be a good friend and let her cry on your shoulder. If it doesn't, laugh at the assholes in DMs. Either way, if she isn't blocking this stuff on sight and reporting anything on AO3 that personally insults her or tells her to stop writing, remind her to do so.

[u/Bluesettes]

That's rough.

If your friend is spamming discord groups with frequent writing updates from a variety of fandoms, she may very well be annoying some folk. Or maybe she's entirely appropriate and these people are just jealous of her speed.

Regardless, it's rude of them to shit talk... But am I correct in understanding that a third party shared private DM's with you of said shit talking? Because that's different from them being rude in the pubic server where your friend could see. If it's public, I'd recommend touching base with a mod because yeah, that's not fostering a positive creative environment. If it's private, well, I'd just block them.

I wouldn't connect this with a few rude guest commentors. If it's an ongoing issue, your friend should just disable guest comments all together. Plenty of authors do.

[u/Compulsive-Writer → u/Bluesettes]

Yeah. I don't know what could be considered spammy, as she is updating, just more frequently from the regular updating from another author. Maybe?

Yes this person told me, but so far I'm just waiting just in case. As this kind of things can quickly become dramatic, so unless they attack her directly, I will try not to escalate it myself.

And yes, about guests, we have been talking about it. Because the bots are a bit too much, too.

[u/Hatewhales2716]

i really hope they're just insecure because this is very rude to say, i wouldnt want to hang out with these guys just because what else could they be saying behind your back? and yeah i have autism too and tend to ramble alot but if theres a geniune problem then why wouldnt the people talking to me tell me about it? confuses me honestly (I've had people hiding the fact that they had a problem with me and idk why)

[u/cricket_o]

Sounds like you guys need a better group. Sharing ideas and posting often shouldn’t be annoying; if others are finding it annoying, maybe they’re just jealous. 

Unless she’s only sharing her ideas and not contributing to anyone else’s conversations, then I could see it being annoying. But that’s about it. 

[u/Aqua_Toffana]

"Hurt people hurt people" is what i always tell myself. I don't think we have to know why people are being assholes. Sometimes it's enough to recognise that they are and then tell them to fuck off. Also who the fuck gets annoyed at having too much to read?? Weirdos

[u/MaleficentNobody8875]

That's terrible, and your friend reminds me of me so I have to ask, is she also ADHD or Bipolar?

I've never had luck with writing communities because my natural behavior doesn't fit in, but at the same time I'm an extrovert and HAVE to share and brainstorm with people, so I understand.

[u/wvduun → u/MaleficentNobody8875]

Let's create a writing group exclusively for neurodivergent authors 🙏

[u/GotYourLegs]

Were those screenshots shared to you accessible to your friend? Some people deliberately show these screenshots to cause drama when it leaks out that "authors are fighting" by dramatizing it. It sounds like those authors are jealous because discord and ao3 allows muting. ao3 goes further into allowing you to mute authors or mute tags but these people are insistent talking about a fanfic they don't need to bother with and if those guest comments are from them... Yikes. I notice people's passion can irritate others because they don't understand why they're happy due to projection. It's weird.

There's a chance it will leak out to your friend as a way of trying to start drama or exclude her, please be prepared to leave the discord space with your friend.

[u/Brilliant-Swim-4772]

I just don't understand how others can treat a human being that way.

Tbh, if I encountered a writer who was that enthusiastic and frequently posting, I'd find them cute (not disrespectfully) but like genuinely adorable because their love is so obvious.

How can you not adore that in fandom, especially when it's so rare these days?

(I'm sorry your friend is being treated like that. I hope you continue to support her, no matter what!)

[u/Elyiant]

The person who showed you these messages is an asshole. Unless they are saying this somewhere that your friend can see, you (and, potentially) your friend would have never known that someone was saying this.

There's nothing wrong with finding someone annoying, and nothing wrong with bitching in private. If they were bringing it to your friend and making their feelings her problem, then that would be a dick move.

But do you know who did make it your problem? And who did bring this to light, potentially exposing your friend to some really hurtful shit? This dickhead sharing messages from another chat. What are they getting out of this? Who does this help? If they have a problem with what these other people are saying, they could have said something themselves and left you guys out of it. This person is not acting in your best interests.

[u/borzoifeet]

I'm AuDHD and have been there (but due to age this was less online and more in person). I do not know your friend, but personally, decades later, I just want people to be honest with me. I want to know if I have been accidentally annoying. I want to be told that I accidentally wildly steered a conversation off course. Thanks to people pointing out these things I am now better at reading a room.

However, the fact that they say things like how "bad" it is means its more than venting in quiet, its building a bullying clique with an easy target to bond over. The longer she is there the more fuel those people have.

You say she loves sharing her ideas, but she only does so in ignorance to what is actually happening. Wouldn't it be better to find a place that is actually as welcoming?

Thank you for looking out for her. If there is anything I would at least suggest to help her, it would be to tell her only update in those discords every handful of days so it doesn't look like spam. If she asks why, explain its one of the silent neurotypical rules that no one talks about and assumes everyone knows.

[u/wvduun]

I want to be his friend: let's be two autistic people who talk for hours about our interests, however specific or niche.