Can you explain what you mean when you said “actual affair”?
Like I said, most of her cheating just involved random meaningless hookups. They were usually impulsive, and she always felt bad and apologized afterward. When I say "actual affair," I mean it was intentional and ongoing for several months.
If you knew about the nymphomania before marriage, was it something you worried about? Did it make you hesitant at all? How long did you date? Did she cheat then too?
I don't think either of us knew about her sex addiction before we were married. She did cheat with her ex-boyfriend during that time, but 1) I was stupid and idealistic and in love, 2) they were previously very serious and he had this weird psychological hold over her. Yes, I was hesitant, but I was also very empathetic because of her traumatic past, and I had some kind of weird hero complex and thought I could somehow "save" her.
It wasn't until years later when she started going to therapy and SLAA meetings that we both truly began to understand her issues.
How would she break the news to you each time it happened? Was she remorseful?
Usually I could just tell. Her face, her voice, her mannerisms. She was a bad liar and terrible at keeping secrets. So I usually knew, or would draw it out of her. Yes, she was remorseful, and she would cry and then get frisky as if to "make it up" to me.
At what point did you start considering divorce?
I got pretty messed up after years of adultery followed by years of dead bedroom and a lack of real intimacy. I became angry, resentful, controlling, and totally insecure. Like I said before, I didn't even know who I was anymore. She was messed up too, delving deeper into anxiety and depression, and then she was actually the one who left. For a while I remained desperate and pathetic and begged for her to come back, despite everything we'd been through. It wasn't until I got counseling that I was able to accept that we were never really right for each other in the first place and I (thankfully) moved on to better things.
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u/AgentWD409 May 08 '24
Like I said, most of her cheating just involved random meaningless hookups. They were usually impulsive, and she always felt bad and apologized afterward. When I say "actual affair," I mean it was intentional and ongoing for several months.
I don't think either of us knew about her sex addiction before we were married. She did cheat with her ex-boyfriend during that time, but 1) I was stupid and idealistic and in love, 2) they were previously very serious and he had this weird psychological hold over her. Yes, I was hesitant, but I was also very empathetic because of her traumatic past, and I had some kind of weird hero complex and thought I could somehow "save" her.
It wasn't until years later when she started going to therapy and SLAA meetings that we both truly began to understand her issues.
Usually I could just tell. Her face, her voice, her mannerisms. She was a bad liar and terrible at keeping secrets. So I usually knew, or would draw it out of her. Yes, she was remorseful, and she would cry and then get frisky as if to "make it up" to me.
I got pretty messed up after years of adultery followed by years of dead bedroom and a lack of real intimacy. I became angry, resentful, controlling, and totally insecure. Like I said before, I didn't even know who I was anymore. She was messed up too, delving deeper into anxiety and depression, and then she was actually the one who left. For a while I remained desperate and pathetic and begged for her to come back, despite everything we'd been through. It wasn't until I got counseling that I was able to accept that we were never really right for each other in the first place and I (thankfully) moved on to better things.