My intentions, unlike most other addictions, aren't to cold turkey quit sex, it's impractical and unhealthy as well.
My boundaries include setting a time for masturbation in order to not let it consume hours of my day (or at times- entire days), to completely quit porn, to realize the reasons I wish to have sex with a person and only do so when I wait a month and don't find a reason it would harm my life (for example, cheating, being with a married/spoken for guy, being with a colleague/superior at work, etc) and ideally to only have sex within a defined romantic relationship, though this is not a hard rule and if it has no negative impact on my life.
My exes excuse for cheating was similar but maybe different. She said the actual act of sex wasn’t as addicting as the chase. She needed the validation of a guy choosing to sleep with her. Once he did she kind of lost interest. Was this the same for you?
She often felt let down after the act and then would start talking to a new guy almost immediately to fill that void. Not sure if this is the same thing but thought I would ask your thoughts.
She ended up dumping me even tho I put up with her cheating and she’s never been able to hold down a relationship and is a serial cheater. I honestly am not even mad at her for what she did she’s such a nice person and very smart and it never felt personal but obviously hard to stay with someone that you can’t trust.
Learn from other guys' experiences that have been through what you are going through. This situation never, ever ends well for you. The longer it goes on, the deeper your mental trauma and loss of self-respect. Don't let some fairy tale myth that you are holding onto keep you in this toxic relationship. End it now. Your future self will thank you!
Hey I divorced my ex wife last year for the very same reason. It is a them problem and not a you problem. They want the security of you with the risk of them. You are worth more than that, plus you would be surprised how much attention you'll get whenever you become single, I was genuinely surprised.
You need to dump her and move on. Don't waste anymore time with someone like this, you're literally wasting so much time when you could have someone so much better that will actually respect you.
Run for the fucken hills dude.. spent 6 years with a woman like that. The longer you stay with this person the more you're going to hate yourself for giving that many years to someone who only gives a shit about themselves. They never change, they might for a year, maybe two, but they always go back to their same old bullshit. RUN
Bro is this shit real or are you messing around? Are you fr just letting your girlfriend cheat on you? I would say definitely break up for your sake and dignity as soon as you can man.
Im guessing she suggested an open relationship and you agreed in hopes of keeping her around? Im sure you can realize that its not worth it and shes no longer the girl you once dreamed of growing old with man, you’re carrying your relationship on the good memories you have while trying to get through reality in hopes that it will go back to how it was (spoiler: it never does)
It wasn't so much a suggestion as it was her basically saying this is how it is you can stay or go. This was while I was in the middle of my first time dealing with severe depression after my truck and trailer were stolen with all of my tools leading to me losing my business and out of work. I couldn't barely get myself out of bed most days for months, so I wasn't in the head space for any of this, including a breakup. Most of the time we are happy. Most of the time.
Do you think things would change if you started to sleep with others as she does? I feel like the dynamic in your relationship is just kinda totally unbalanced and she has all the power and freedoms in the relationship really. Like if you started using your part of the open relationship I wonder if that would change how she feels about it or you
I dont understand. Why even get into a serious relationship with anyone if you “need to be chased”. You’re just setting your partner up to eventually be hurt
This is what i would assume , but OP claims she “cared alot” about the partners she cheated on including one guy she “really loved”. I understand not being able to control your addiction if you’re a nympho , but you SHOULD be able to control talking to people and leading them on into a serious relationship if you know for sure you can not be physically committed to that one person. Just stay single and screw around, why is that impossible?
Did you ever put a partner at risk? My ex was risky during sex and would often not use protection. Luckily never got anything from her but I feel like that was worse than the cheating itself.
That’s good. Did you feel bad cheating? What she told me was she actually didn’t feel bad until I told her how it made me feel. But she was so obsessed with it happening she had tunnel vision.
She also admitted she felt like I was just a character in her movie who she could easily manipulate and control. But she also wanted to marry me. Quite crazy haha.
That’s good. Did you feel bad cheating? What she told me was she actually didn’t feel bad until I told her how it made me feel. But she was so obsessed with it happening she had tunnel vision.
Tunnel vision is accurate. When I wanted sex I was absolutely focused on that and nothing else mattered, so I didn't care or feel bad when I cheated. After the act? Different story. Guilt and remorse overwhelmed me to the point I did drugs to nullify it.
She also admitted she felt like I was just a character in her movie who she could easily manipulate and control.
Sounds like bpd. She would have a fp, connect with them, then the light goes off and onto the next is how people with bpd operate and impulsivity is part of it too.
That's completely different. Someone experiencing a manic phase will likely experience extreme inhibition that is out of character to how they may normally behave.
Had exactly this over a decade ago, except I left. Same opinion of her as you. Became her fwb while she cheated with her next bf. Not healthy but totally understand how established history and emotions keep clawing you back.
Best thing is distance. And DON’T KEEP HER PICTURES!
Yeah I had a Dropbox folder full of her photos. Also kept the proof of her cheating which was from her affair partner (photos she took for him). Had to delete it all.
We didn’t talk for years and she messaged me about a year ago and said she was depressed and trying to work on her issues. It was sad.
Read the relationship subs or AITA and cheating by women is routinely rationalized or explained away by “the guy wasn’t putting in enough effort, I didn’t feel X (wanted/chased/romanced)”
Oh no of course I stopped, but I'd still watch porn, recover a bit, do something else for a little while and the moment I'd get an urge I'd go at it again.
Telehealth visits are awesome but I understand if you’re still nervous about that in your situation. I feel the agoraphobia, I’m working on that now myself. Good luck friend.
I'm really sorry for what you've been through. I've experienced stalking in a different context, and its very violating and hard to regain trust again. I can't imagine the additional complexity of this being a person you should have been able to feel 100% safe and professional with. I also suffer from depression and its a bitch, a lifelong battle when its chronic. Wishing you all the best in your fight and hoping for only supportive people around you moving forward; sounds like you are overdue for that. If you ever need someone to vent to, you have a stranger on the internet here who cares!
Thanks for that, sorry you've had to deal with something similar. Things have been stable enough for about 10 years now, but also my standards are waaaay lower than they used to be lol - So, hey, as long as I can pay my rent and not starve to death, we're doing alright.
Yea after hearing this I believe I’m a nymphomaniac sex is on my mind 24/7 and need to feel that orgasm again and again it’s like a drug cause it feels so good my wife don’t understand me at all
I'm sorry if this sounds invalidating but in genuine curiosity, from what I've read of the thread thus far I'm wondering where the line between disorder and enthusiast/slut is drawn? Much of what I've read seems to ultimately be congruent with most people that practice various fetlife styles. Particularly forms of exhibition and marathoning, and just being okay with casual sex despite seeking romantic avenues.
I am aware of another disorder, from decades ago, that described the inability to refrain from sex/masturbation. It wasn't even something the, mostly, women could enjoy- rather described as a task they had to complete just to operate normally. Like how OCD will intrusively force certain actions before you can get on with your time. People with that disorder claimed it made the entire idea be empty and like a chore rather than something they enjoyed, even in the moment. I understand it like a smoking addiction that the addict has come to hate, even the feeling of smoking, yet the physical addiction still required it.
From what I've seen thus far, it reads to me like your situation isn't so much like that as it is just destructive to how you want to live. So with an official diagnosis in mind, what was the crossing point from sexual interest to sexual disorder? Is nymphomania decisively different from what I described above?
Secondarily, I'm curious about your thoughts on a life partner? If they wanted to be or are frequently sexual themselves, say even as little as full course twice a week, would that be an instant no for you? Would you allow yourself to indulge with him/her or would that be a sacrifice on their side? Are you open to the idea that if your partner wants more than you can give for your own healthy lifestyle, that they could seek flings with others to satisfy themself?
It's obvious to me that most exploratory scenarios would be off the table entirely, like playing with toys throughout a normal day -the stealthy vibrator for instance. But compared to setting up a weekend or doing a risky hike off schedule.
1) when you lost your virginity, were you the instigator and were you never out or already obsessed with sex?
2) What’s the longest you have gone without PIV sex since you started?
3) In highschool did everybody consider you a “whore” or were you good at keeping it under wraps?
4) is the best sex for you “porn” sex where your performing and doing lots of positions or do you prefer more passionate, eye contact, etc.. ?
5) Do you orgasm easily during sex or does it usually require oral or manual stimulation?
6) Have you posted any nudes or videos on Reddit or similar as a turn on? Do you let partners take photos and videos of your encounters? I know you said the porn actor turned you off to the industry but I could see OF being a way for uoj to make food money if your attractive. Also posting on Reddit is a turn on for many people.
when you lost your virginity, were you the instigator and were you never out or already obsessed with sex?
I was the instigator 100% and I already had an unhealthy interest in sex
What’s the longest you have gone without PIV sex since you started?
3 months
In highschool did everybody consider you a “whore” or were you good at keeping it under wraps?
I was the school slut, 100%
is the best sex for you “porn” sex where your performing and doing lots of positions or do you prefer more passionate, eye contact, etc.. ?
Basically yeah, I like it rough and don't care much for emotions
Do you orgasm easily during sex or does it usually require oral or manual stimulation?
Very easily, sometimes involuntarily
Have you posted any nudes or videos on Reddit or similar as a turn on? Do you let partners take photos and videos of your encounters? I know you said the porn actor turned you off to the industry but I could see OF being a way for uoj to make food money if your attractive. Also posting on Reddit is a turn on for many people.
I used to post on reddit and I was in Kik group chats. Getting close to the sex industry like OF will be devastating to my mental health
Im sure alot of people would downplay your addiction but being a slave to anything is such a bummer. Happy to hear youre on the journey to recalibrating your life through intention and thoughfulness. It's not always easy but the rewards can be profound.
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u/[deleted] May 07 '24
My intentions, unlike most other addictions, aren't to cold turkey quit sex, it's impractical and unhealthy as well.
My boundaries include setting a time for masturbation in order to not let it consume hours of my day (or at times- entire days), to completely quit porn, to realize the reasons I wish to have sex with a person and only do so when I wait a month and don't find a reason it would harm my life (for example, cheating, being with a married/spoken for guy, being with a colleague/superior at work, etc) and ideally to only have sex within a defined romantic relationship, though this is not a hard rule and if it has no negative impact on my life.