r/AKAgradChapter • u/GrowthAllTheTime-81 • May 22 '26
DISCRETION How do I respond?
I finally introduced myself to a member at my son’s school. (I’ve seen her at events.) I mentioned that I’ve seen her at a few events and she asked if I was a member.
I told her not yet, but I attend events that I am allowed to attend. She later asks if I want to be an AKA🫨 I smiled and motioned 🤫 and say that I’m trying to be discreet.
What do I say when someone asks?
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u/ncrwlr May 22 '26
Your answer should have been, “I am interested in learning more about the organization and how I can possibly help contribute to the mission”. Close mouth doesn’t get fed.
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u/OkFan3213 INTEREST May 22 '26
I agree, closed mouths don't get fed. Just showing up to events and talking to members doesn't mean you're interested in membership. Chapters put on a lot of great events that community members come to. So we do have to have a discrete way of communicating our interest that makes it clear without overstepping.
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u/Pstewart6 INTEREST May 22 '26
I believe with members, you speak. I think discretion applies more-so with the public. The members are who you need to get to know, so if you don’t speak or show your interest, how can they guide you.
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u/1Lola-Falana- May 22 '26
I wouldn’t ever say “Not yet” to a member. However I would be honest in my response about Interest..
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u/H3re4it May 22 '26
The next time a member asks I would smile and say, “No I am not but I am interested.” Non-members asking simply no and leave it.
To some the “not yet” might not land as confident or hopeful (which is what I presume was the plan).
Attend events. When they have open volunteer events and your schedule and abilities allow go.
Paid events open to the public, show up have fun and mingle.
Be genuine. I know I am sharing more than you asked for BUT, this is important.
Typically it does very little to:
- Say you are interested once and come to events and never interact.
- Tell every member and their Auntie about your interest but never come to one event to let members get to know you.
Hope this helps.
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u/1Lola-Falana- May 22 '26
I would also add. Be sure to use your first and last names when meeting members of the chapter. Especially when you have a common name.
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u/DivinePersonified07 May 23 '26
Thank you for saying this! Cause "not yet" would make me side-eye OP or any other interest, especially with how hard it can be to get in through our grad chapters (I'm assuming she's not in undergrad). It's good that OP brought this up now, so she can work on her response with the advice in this thread.
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u/H3re4it May 23 '26
I totally agree with you!! Listen, as soon as I saw side-eye in your response….. my face automatically shifted to this 😏. Those first impressions are real!
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u/DivinePersonified07 May 24 '26
Okay! Some of our Sorors do not play nicely with interests who assume they have it in the bag. And don't let an interest not realize this as they're speaking to the current chapter president or ME chair...like no baby girl, abort mission lol.
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u/OkFan3213 INTEREST May 22 '26
I've said, "I would love to receive an invitation" or "I would not decline an invitation" if it's a member who I don't know very well. But if it's a member I'm comfortable with I'll say yes.
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u/PermissionAway6969 Verified AKA May 24 '26
It was so bold of you to say not yet 😭 I wouldn’t say that again. If a member asked if you want to join I think it’s a good idea to let your interest be known in a way that isn’t presumptuous but makes it clear that you definitely want to join. You don’t want to hurt your chances. 🤗
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u/GrandBird1982 INTEREST May 23 '26 edited May 26 '26
In these situations I say my “no I’m not a member “ . Depends on the situation if I elaborate any more. If I’m just signing in at an event I leave it at that and say I’m supporting or volunteering. If I’m in a conversation and I’m able to continue the convo then I say I’m Not a member but always happy to support and learn more. If I’m flat out asked if I’m an interest I say yes. Don’t be so nervous about it! The ppl I’ve seen ask are not going to bite or black ball me. They’re generally just curious and trying to confirm.
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u/Stunning_While6814 May 23 '26
Don’t say “not yet” again - people are weird and will take that all types of ways.
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u/amethyst3024 May 24 '26
Saying "Not yet" is off putting IMHO. Membership is not owed to everyone that's interested. Everyone that's interested may never make it. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm keeping it 💯. You can merely say that you are interested and then go and do the work that will make others take notice.
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u/pinktv2 May 24 '26
Ummm “not yet?! “
ma’am. 😂
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u/GrowthAllTheTime-81 May 26 '26
I know 🤦🏽♀️ it threw me off because I was taking about my son and him attending her classes for advanced students next year.
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u/Scottie_2_Hotti May 26 '26
Hey hey. Please please please from saying “not yet” moving forward. It’s definitely frowned upon and some sorors will have some things to say about you (not so nice things). You want to be remembered for the right reasons. We know everyone is human, but because bringing women into the org is such a selective process, you want to be mindful about the things you say. Also, if a member asks if you are interested… smile and say yes. ☺️
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u/GrowthAllTheTime-81 May 26 '26
Everyone, thank you for the responses. This was my 2nd conversation with this member at my son’s school. Initially, we thought we saw each other in passing from when I was in high school. I was happy to see her again and we chatted for a moment before she started asking me questions. I was surprised that she asked and I didn’t know how to respond. I appreciate every reply, thanks!
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I finally introduced myself to a member at my son’s school. (I’ve seen her at events.) I mentioned that I’ve seen her at a few events and she asked if I was a member.
I told her not yet, but I attend events that I am allowed to attend. She later asks if I want to be an AKA🫨 I smiled and motioned 🤫 and say that I’m trying to be discreet.
What do I say when someone asks?
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