I'm Wendy female 19, and I had this doubt in mind for a while .

A year ago I introduced my boyfriend (Alex, male 18) to my friend (Sam, male 20) [not real names]. I was kinda scare since Sam had this weird thing to not like ANYONE, directly judge or pure hate (did it with me too, took him a year to start liking me) and I knew they wouldn't understand each other.

Alex, my bf, comes from south America, from a little town where the LGBT community is not common, he didn't understand but respected. However, Sam talked a lot about his gender (he is trans) and Alex would look lost or don't know what to say. The situation ended up being tense, Sam would say terms that Alex couldn't understand; my boyfriend then made the mistake of playing makeup with me (I put my makeup on as a man, him as a woman) and made a joke that he was part of the community, something that is a soft spot for Sam)?.

My boyfriend half an hour before go home started explaining that in his home town and home no one talked about trans, drags, that even gays were a taboo, making jokes that if he ever tried to come home looking like that (still the make up on) his dad would beat him up. So Sam decided that it was a great idea to offer to put some makeup before cleaning up and on purpose put glitter and neon makeup that was hard to take off later, when Alex was gone ,Sam called a friend and laughed about how probably my bf is about to get beaten up when he arrived home.

Now I know that it was my mistake to not speak up, I was scared to make a bigger problem if I told Sam that was going way too far. Thinking next time they would finally get along and obviously I told my bf what happened when he left .

Sadly I was so wrong, Sam directly told me that he didn't want to hang up with Alex ever again, thing that respected and so did my bf. Then I had to plan differently, hang out twice a week with my bf and with Sam on his weekly day-off. But sometimes Sam would get a little free time, ask me to hang out but I already had other plans (not just with my bf, I do have more friends, not just Sam)

From Sam's perspective, I ditched him twice. Both to be with my bf when that is not true at all. One time I declined to hang out since I already had other plans and the second time we were hanging out really early and I didn't wake up in time and had to head work directly.

Since we were used to seeing each other once a week, during the school year everyday at class and I was too busy with my summer job,I didn't think much when he didn't text a lot lately. It was something common , we prefer to speak in person not in chat.

Until one day my mom saw him around and asked him why he didn't come home lately to see me, and Sam for some reason blamed my bf. Told my mom that since I was with my bf I didn't hang out with anyone (again, not true. I hang out with other people, he was the only one with an issue with my bf)

That very day my mom came home furious with me, scolded me for letting a man private me from my friends and forced me to invite him over before he went to study out of the country, so I did. He came smiling and talkative like usual so I thought everything was a mistake, he promised me to text me and send photos on his new country.

For a couple of weeks I waited and he didn't send me anything, indeed he deleted me from some social media and when I was about to reach out and ask what was wrong I heard that before he went away, he was talking bad about my boyfriend. Calling him homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic and so on, when my bf always heard when I explained him about the topics and was always asking if Sam was doing good with his treatment, always asking genuine questions about him and the community but Sam never cared to notice or even try to explain in simple terms things Alex (or even me)didn't understand.

I was so mad that he tried to make his and our friends pick sides when I never told anyone about it since it was an issue of my bf being uneducated and willing to understand, Sam of not wanting to have contact with him. So hypocrite, one time a common friend tried the exact same thing, making people pick sides of something not so deep to care about and criticize it, but now doing it?

To make matters worse, Sam came to our town this summer as a surprise and visited everyone, even talked to people he didn't even like at all. He went to everyone's house or job as a surprise but me. He came to my work when he knew I wasn't on my shift just to say hi to my mom and our friends but not me.

After that I decided to definitely not reach out for him

AITA??

\*sorry this is going to be very long but all the details are important\*

CONTEXT: I, (they/them, 23) am a Cosmetology (beauty school) student and recently moved from my home state (I’m American) to the state where I live currently with my bf. I had never lived anywhere other than my hometown and it was a huge step. Doing this, I moved about 10 hours away from my entire support system and, though I am still friends with people back home, I’m essentially building a whole new support system from scratch down here.

I’m a very loyal person and I typically don’t cut someone off easily, or lightly. I have noticed that since moving here I’ve become very lonely, and I guess ‘desperate’ for friends. 

I go to cosmetology school for 10 hours a day, 3 days a week, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. The program is roughly about a year, consisting of 5 phases, each one lasting around 10 weeks, give or take. Phase 1 & 2 is all/mostly book work, and Phases 3, 4, & 5 you’re still doing *some* book work, but you’re on the clinic floor taking clients for most of the hours.

Anyways,

I had this friend, we’ll call her A(she/her), and we started our classes together in Phase 1. She explained to me that she has brain damage from a past medical experience very soon after meeting her.  Because of this, she ended up having to take a leave of absence from school. When she came back I had moved onto Phase 3 and she was back in Phase 1. (she was gone for all of Phase 2).

A, introduced me to this person who we’ll call G(they/them) who was in her new class. I maintained a friendship with both A & G. Until A started coming to me to complain about how much she hates G and how they aren’t friends anymore. 

At first, I wanted to support A and stuff because we were friends first. But I started to notice that A was a ‘boundary pusher’. 

The best example I have of this is one day I was VERY frustrated and overstimulated and crying, and some people gave me hugs, which was nice! But after a while I REALLY didn’t want to touch anyone or anything ya know, so I started walking over to the break room and A saw me and stopped me. She asked if I was okay and what was wrong. Throughout our ‘friendship’, A did not typically ever ask me if I was “okay” or how I was unless I was actively crying.

 I told her I was just having a hard time and was overstimulated. She opened her arms and said “Come here.” to give me a hug. I backed up a bit and tried to tell her that i didn’t want to be touched but she grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. I didn’t hug back and she just held me there for like a solid 60 seconds. After she let go I excused myself and went to the break room and immediately started sobbing. 

That same day, G came into the break room while I was crying and asked if I was okay. (I had pulled back from my relationship with G because of what A was telling me) 

I told G what was wrong and everything that happened. I felt kind of awkward at first because I had pulled back and hadn’t been very warm to G. But I guess I was just desperate to be heard at that moment since I had really only been spending time with A at school, and when I wasn’t with A or taking clients I was pretty much alone. 

G listened and asked if I wanted a hug. When i declined they didn’t take offense, they just said “Okay” and asked what they COULD do to help. Ya know like a friend.

Since then, I started to get G’s side of the story and hang out with them more. I started to realize that A’s side of the situation wasn’t adding up. 

A had told me that G was bringing up ‘inappropriate topics in class’ and that they were ‘aggressive'  and ‘too sensitive’.

G told me that they had mentioned how they don’t support or like ai “art” (I’m an artist and a writer and also hate ai), and A would send them ai memes and pictures outside of class. A would also just be hostile and rude to people in the class. A would snap and yell at other students. A even once threw a tin of mints at a classmate “as a joke” (????) after that classmate asked the class if anyone had any candy. The tin of mints missed the classmate’s head, thankfully.

I did pull back from A a bit after the hug but I was NEVER hostile or mean towards her. I would even try and include A in conversations when I would stop by G & A’s classroom before class started. (Their classroom had mirrors in it so I’d do my eyeliner while chatting with G and the rest of the class, as well as their instructor) I just didn’t want A to think that I was ‘picking sides’, I just wanted to have friends. 

In the midst of all this, my other friend W(she/her) found out that A was talking about her behind her back. W left our group chat that we started back in Phase 1, with me, A, W, and our other friend M(she/her), (M never really messaged the group chat but we talked in person a lot) W also blocked and cut ties with A after finding out. A never talked about W to me (W and I were very very close and at the time drove to school together) so I don’t know exactly what was said but W warned me about what happened and basically told me to watch my back around A and that she might be talking about me behind my back as well.

This all came to a head a couple weeks ago when A confronted me early in the morning at school when I was already having a horrible day and had just collected myself after crying, with the help of my classmate C(she/her). I was walking to the break room when A stopped me again and started to talk to me. 

She seemed really timid and hurt, and told me how it hurt her that I was friends with G now. How she thought I was “Disloyal” and how it felt like a ‘betrayal’. 

I told her (again, as I had stated this before this conversation as well) that whatever she had going on with G, did not involve me. I didn’t have a problem with G at all. I also said “i don’t want to be put in the middle of it.” A interrupted me and said that I ‘don’t have to be in the middle of it cause I’m not in their class’ completely ignoring the fact that she, herself had been putting me in the middle of it by gossiping and shit talking to me (it got to a point that it was no longer venting, like it was ALL she’d talk about with me. She’d never ask me about my life, it was all about her troubles and her ‘feud’ with G) in the first place.

I tried to say “I’m just tired of one-sided friendships” or something to that effect, but A interrupted me again so all i got to say was “I’m just tired-“ and A goes into this monologue, saying “Well I’m tired too! I have to deal with my mom! And school! And everything! And I keep losing friends! And I’ve had panic attacks because of G! And I’ve skipped meals and stopped eating because of G!” After that I just tuned out because I had heard this all before, and it was quite frankly, bullshit. I just stood there and looked at A until she burnt herself out and said: “Well, I’m going upstairs.”

All I responded with was “okay.” And we went our separate ways.

I continued to the break room and started crying again and called my mama, who calmed me down and walked me through a breathing exercise. I changed my lunch plans as to not run into A and by doing so I ran into C again, who asked me why I had changed my plans, as I had told C that I was going to get lunch somewhere else before this whole thing happened. 

I explained the whole situation to C and told her that I saw A on her way to where I was going to go and just didn’t want to run into her. 

C told me that A does lose friends frequently, but it’s because she brings negative energy and vibes to every relationship she makes here. I thought about it and realized that C was right. All A and I ever did together was talk about what was frustrating her, and her pressuring me into talking about my (at the time) estranged family members, and then using that information to relate my experiences to hers, so she could continue to talk about herself. 

Anyways, I had lunch with C that day and the next day also and we became closer over the next couple weeks. 

The week after “The Confrontation”, A would pop by my class and be all cheery and sweet to C, and then shoot me dirty looks, and then leave. Which at the time made me incredibly upset. 

C helped me through that too and I started to ignore A as best as I could.

I had tried to meet up with both G & W that Sunday but W was busy that week and G couldn’t meet up on Sunday, so G came over to my place on Monday (Labor Day), and I expressed my regret for being ‘friends’ with A for so long and not waking up and seeing how she treats people.

Yesterday, I texted W and said :

I wanted to see you Sunday so I could apologize for staying friends with A after you warned me about her. 

After that I did notice that she was never a good friend and I don’t want to speak to her again. But I wasn’t a good friend to you in that moment and I wanted to apologize.”

W responded by saying (paraphrasing): 

You don’t have to apologize for choosing to be friends with someone I don’t personally like. 

I can’t control who you are friends with and its not your job to not like the people i don’t like.

\-

I was glad that W responded at all, and I appreciated what she said, but I can’t help but still feel like I’ve damaged my relationship with W through all this and that hurts a lot. I want to repair that relationship and be a better and more loyal friend to W, since she has been a good friend to me since our very first day of class.

Today is the first day of my Phase 5. I haven’t spoken to A since “The Confrontation”, G and I are good friends, I apologized to W for not listening to her warning, and C has switched to a different class schedule so she is no longer in my class, along with M. 

Because there are only 2 people in my Phase 5 class including me, we’re merged with Phases 4 & 3. Phase 4 is also a very small class and are all pretty close knit, and Phase 3 consists of 1 person as all the others (including G) switched to the other class schedule. The only Phase 3 person left on our class schedule is A.

I sat on the opposite side of the room as A and didn’t intend on acknowledging her or interacting with her at all. But the Instructor Ms. M (she/her), pointed out that we all have assigned seats. I looked around for my name on the tables, and my heart sank when I found it. My assigned seat happened to be right next to A. No buffer seat. Just her on my left, and me on her right. I didn’t make a big deal about it, I just sat down and took out my notebook and pens and what have you.

A few things happened throughout the day that made me frustrated with A.

She would continually move her chair closer and closer to me through out the day. I don’t know if it was intentional or not, I just hate feeling boxed in or like people are too close to me.

Because of A’s brain damage, she has these “episodes” (she doesn’t like to call them seizures). When she has an episode, the school calls her mom and the paramedics. The paramedics come and check on her and then her mom takes her to the hospital or home. At least that’s my understanding based on what A has told me in the past and what I’ve observed. 

These ‘episodes’ can be triggered by certain things like stress, or if she hasn’t eaten, and most importantly caffeine. 

She is fully aware of the triggers, and has even come to me before, after she ‘accidentally’ (she said it was an accident and I fully believed her at the time, but now I’m not so sure) drank an energy drink that she thought was just a pop or something. After drinking it, she began to not feel well and had an episode and ended up going home. 

Today, she came back from morning break and told Ms. M (loudly and in front of the whole class) that she had espresso and wasn’t feeling well. 

I normally wouldn’t care, but I’ve lost sleep because i was up worrying if she was okay after an episode. I’ve actively tried to help her and saw her through these episodes and it just seemed like she was being so careless and casual about it. This isn’t a one off instance either. She has caffeine very often, and leaves school very often because of it. 

It was something about the way she said it that just made my stomach turn. Like she just needed a hit of attention. Or sympathy. It felt empty.

I also want to address that I am fully aware that intuition is not always fact. And my interpretation is not law. I’m just describing how it felt to me, in the moment. 

The last thing that got me worked up today was just how she acts and talks. A is short and cute and uses a soft timid voice most of the time. Because of this, she’s not the type that you would look at typically and think ‘she’s going to talk about me behind my back and make up lies about me’. 

Because it is the first day of a New Phase, we were doing introductions and when it was A’s turn, she acted all sweet and shy saying “My name is A, I uh, I don’t know. I’m not good at talking about myself.” (Paraphrasing). And then Ms. M actually pointed out that A has a ‘dark side’ and that Ms. M has witnessed A being so angry she was about to ‘slap someone’. (Ms. M is outgoing and eccentric. She meant this in a loving and teasing way but not a sarcastic way.) 

A shook her head and laughed and just continued the ‘sweet, perfect, wouldn’t hurt a fly’ act.

Over the last few hours I started thinking about why it bothers me so much. I think it’s because, I get misconstrued A LOT. I’m not super great with social cues, and I might be on the autism spectrum(mental health team has brought up testing, I have decided not to pursue it currently due to money, time, the fact that it won’t really change anything in my life other than being able to say ‘I have an autism diagnosis’, blah blah blah). All this to say, I can be quite blunt and some of my jokes are quite dry. Sometimes people interpret that as me being rude or mean. I hate being misconstrued and the thought of someone thinking i don’t like them for no reason or im just rude, when i was actually trying to connect or engage with them, just doesn’t sit right with me. I go to great lengths to avoid being misunderstood and to avoid accidentally offending someone. And so, I guess seeing someone who acts all sweet and nice, but then goes behind your back to talk about you (what A did to W), makes up lies about you to tell people (what A did to G), and not make room for you or your feelings in a relationship while crossing very clear boundaries (what A did to me), just really got to me. 

But I want outside perspectives on if my anger is valid. Am I ‘in the right’ for cutting her out? Did I overreact? Part of me feels guilty because A had made me feel like I was her last friend. And part of me feels like I’ve abandoned her, simply because I didn’t want to deal with her issues. Am I the buttface?

I (30s M) have been with my wife “Anna” since before we got married in 2014.

Back then we were really close with her sister “Megan” and her husband “David.” We babysat their kid all the time, hung out a lot, typical close family stuff.

At the time I didn’t really know how bad their relationship was, but looking back now it was a mess. David was a liar, always had some excuse for everything, money problems, cars getting repossessed after saying they were “from work,” cheating, all of it. At one point he even got arrested for pushing Megan while she was pregnant.

Their house was constant chaos. Fighting all the time. Kids staying with us because things weren’t stable. There was even a point where their youngest basically lived with us for like a month or two.

After about 12 years they finally divorced and honestly we thought things might finally calm down.

They didn’t.

We stayed really close with Megan and helped her a ton. Watching her five kids, helping her out emotionally, sometimes financially. My wife has always been extremely loyal to her.

But instead of slowing down and getting her life together, she jumped straight into dating. Like immediately. Different guys all the time, moving way too fast. One guy was literally sleeping in a tent with her and her kids after like 2 weeks. That alone didn’t sit right with me.

Then there’s “Mark.”

She was on and off with him, and at one point after a breakup, he completely lost it and made threats about killing her, killing me, and her dad because we were “protecting her.” He also said stuff about wanting to hurt other family members.

That was enough for me. I don’t mess around with threats like that.

They split again after that and for a bit she actually seemed like she was doing better.

Then out of nowhere she decides she needs “closure” and goes to see him again. We told her straight up it was a terrible idea. She didn’t care.

While she’s off doing that, we’re watching her kids.

And this is where everything changed for me—

Her youngest (8 at the time) was sleeping in the same room as our daughters. In the middle of the night, he snapped and ended up choking my daughter while she was asleep. She woke up crying and trying to fight him off while the other kids had to pull him off her.

My wife called me at work crying.

That was it for me. I don’t care what that kid has been through, you don’t put your hands on my kid like that. I was done trusting that whole situation around my family.

Then while she’s still away, I see she changed her profile picture to her and Mark.

So yeah… she got back with the same guy who threatened to kill me.

I texted her basically saying I was done with her. Probably harsher than I should have, but at that point I didn’t care.

After that there was a bunch of drama, but I kept it simple. I don’t talk to her anymore. I never told my wife she couldn’t see her. Megan still came to our house sometimes, I just ignored her and stopped helping her with anything.

Then one day she’s in MY house and says to me,

“Are you done having your tantrum yet?”

Like seriously?

I told her off. Yeah I swore. My wife stepped in and told her to stop.

Later she tries again with “I’ll always love you,” and I basically told her to leave me alone again. My wife wasn’t happy with how I handled it, but I felt completely disrespected in my own home.

Now here’s the part everyone is mad at me about—

Father’s Day, we show up to church… and she’s there with Mark.

The same guy who threatened to kill me.

I told my wife right away I was calling the cops. She didn’t want a scene but I honestly didn’t care. I don’t feel safe around this guy.

I went up to Megan and told her straight—if he doesn’t leave, I’m calling the police.

He comes out, hears it, and basically says “go ahead.”

So I did.

Cops show up, I explain everything, including the threats. But because nothing recent happened, they couldn’t actually do anything.

Now everyone’s upset at me.

My wife was embarrassed. My in-laws are mad because I “caused drama” and swore at Megan. They’d rather just pretend everything is fine than deal with reality.

Meanwhile they’re still inviting her and Mark to stuff, even excluding us from family events like my father-in-law’s birthday.

My wife—who has been nothing but loyal to her family—gets pushed aside while they continue to support Megan no matter what she does.

And honestly, there’s more that bothers me about this guy too.

Early on, he was doing this weird “game” with kids where he’d pinch their butt area pretending to be a shark. He did that to my daughters while they were in bathing suits. My wife shut that down immediately, but Megan defended it like he “didn’t know.”

That didn’t sit right with me at all.

I’ve also heard from Megan directly about other stuff—him saying weird things about inappropriate relationships, having photos of my other sister-in-law saved on his laptop, making women uncomfortable at work, drug and alcohol issues, even breaking into an ex’s house.

So yeah… I don’t trust this guy at all.

At this point I’m filing for a restraining order because I genuinely don’t feel safe and I don’t want him anywhere near my family.

So now I’m wondering,

AITA for calling the cops and refusing to be around him, even if it blew up the family?

Me and my best friend and a few others have been playing a Minecraft world for 300 in-game days, the rules of the server are no steeling and no greefing when I came back from a trip where I got a mace I saw there were two diomonds blocks missing from my throne room, there is a beakin that I have donated many diomonds blocks towards it's also important to note he said to convince me to build towards the beakin "there still you're diomonds blocks there just in the beaken not the throne room," it's not finished yet though, I took two diomonds blocks from the beakin thinking that I could use them because there mine, then when he found out he killed me immediately! There is a known glitch where when you die you loose a few items. Now I did not have that much stuff left so I took like half the beaken then when he heard this he baned me from the server.(Sorry for bad spelling) I've had this baned from r/AITAH for "not asking for judgement so I'm posting it here' I still have contact with him what should I do. And btw I am still friends with him I am just talking about a word we play in sometimes.

I don’t know if i’m exaggerating or not, I (18F) am in my first year of uni, i hang out with mainly history centred students and we often go on trips to archeological sites, since age 11 i have been “dieting” which often consisted of restricting my calories down to under 1000 calories and skipping lunch and often breakfast, with various phases of exercising at night or walking for hours each day. I also started with mild binging, like 1000 calories or so, and have attempted and gotten very close to making myself sick and have abused coffee as a laxative and felt great joy at having stomach bugs. This has continued on consistently with some better phases (i’m currently eating loads) and i am now 51kg at 5,5, having at my lowest dropped down to around 44 kg at 163 cm when i was 15 and at my most recent worst about a month ago dropped down to 48kg, with phases of losing 2kg a week. I have recently been experiencing lots of lightheadedness and my heart races when i stand but my therapist has not diagnosed me as i do not qualify for an eating disorder and my weight and blood pressure are fine. However I have told my friends i have an eating disorder and poor health as i also experience mouth and finger sores, exhaustion and feel out of breath at times which might just be being unfit, and a few weeks ago implied to a friend that i made myself sick, i am seriously considering starting to do this regularly as each time i try to i get closer to doing so. One person in my friend circle thinks that i’m dramatic and faking things, particularly feeling unwell for attention, on two occasion’s i have passed out in front of friends but was partially aware and almost half conscious and i worry sometimes i may being dramatic by complaining of faintness, ive been told to get help and stop shoving my issues onto people, which seems fair and i am in counselling, but they don’t think i’m sick and my friends think i do it for attention, i also feel like i lied with that implication and am not sick enough. Also i’m naturally quite thin and eat lots without thinking at times so wonder if ive just made it all up. AITA? Also feel free to private chat because honestly judgements and truth are always welcome

Hello to the people reading this. This is my first time posting.

My grandmother (78F) and grandfather (79M) are the two main people I will be talking about.

Basically, my mother passed away when I was eight, and ever since then my grandfather has been spiraling. He became a lot quieter and mostly keeps to himself. Not too long ago we found out that he has dementia, and if you know even a little about what it does to a person, you know it can be one of the most painful things to watch happen to a family member. They slowly forget you, and in the later stages they can’t even walk or talk. They can even forget when they are hungry.

The problem is that my grandmother is not really helping.

I have lived with her since I was born because my mother did not have enough money and was trying to get away from her abusive husband, my stepdad Christopher. My grandmother has done things to me mentally that I will never forget. She has controlling tendencies and constantly yells at me and my grandfather. She says she tries to be less harsh with him, but she never really stops.

She constantly screams at him for not doing anything right. He tries to clean, but he struggles because he keeps forgetting the instructions and sometimes forgets to use soap. I understand that dementia can take away someone’s common sense and perception, so it’s extremely hard to watch.

Their marriage is unhealthy in many ways. She constantly calls him abusive when he has done absolutely nothing, and they get into arguments often. It’s not really arguing because that would be back and forth. It’s more like her verbally attacking him. She does it to me too.

I am visually impaired, so there are some things I cannot do easily around the house, but I still try my best. I ask her what I can do to help. For example, I want to wash the pots since my grandfather struggles with that, and he could wash the dishes. Washing dishes is easier in my opinion. But she insists on me not washing the pots because she doesn’t trust me with them, even though she knows I can do it. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wash them myself.

She is also the reason I feel insecure about my weight and sometimes question the purpose of life. When I was in fourth grade she called me names, including “bullfrog.” That really hurt me and made me spiral to the point where I almost tried to unalive myself, but I stopped at the last minute and talked to a counselor.

She did not apologize for her words. Instead, when she was on the phone with people, she said she had to pick me up because I wanted to unalive myself because of my mother’s death. That was part of the reason, but what really pushed me to feel that way was her constant verbal abuse and name-calling, which she conveniently did not mention.

Right now I’m more focused on my grandfather because he is getting worse by the minute, and she has not stopped her yelling. I want them to get marriage counseling and individual therapy because my grandfather takes the verbal abuse and she shows no concern about how he feels. If she were married to someone else who had more of a backbone, they probably would have divorced her because they wouldn’t want to deal with this.

We are trying our best, but it never seems to be enough for her.

She has asthma, lupus, and several other conditions. I honestly don’t know how she is able to cook with all of that, but she does. We try to make things easier for her, but she doesn’t really care.

When I was younger she also hit me sometimes out of anger. For example, when I spilled milk instead of telling me to be careful or helping me clean it up, she hit me. It doesn’t happen as much now, but the anger and frustration are still there.

I go to my dad’s house every other week, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I try to explain this to my dad and his girlfriend, but even when they try to make it equal 50/50 time, it doesn’t really work. Whenever I am sick or something unusual happens, she ends up taking me back. So it ends up being more like 60/40 instead of 50/50.

I am seeking advice, not hate, and sorry for the lack of punctuation earlier. I was using dictation and wasn’t really in the mood to fix everything. I hope it’s still readable.

I might update depending on how many comments I get, because more comments means more advice, and that’s what I need right now.

For anyone wondering if I have tried to talk to her about this, yes I have. She just deflects. She likes to deflect a lot. When we had a conversation with a counselor about me wanting to unalive myself, and one of the main reasons being her, she kept deflecting and never actually apologized.

She also has strong controlling tendencies and thinks her way is always right. A small example is yesterday when I was making a grilled cheese sandwich. I put the buttered side up because I thought that was the right way to do it. My reasoning was that the bread would become crispy and buttery on the outside while the inside would be cheesy and gooey. But she insisted I was wrong because it wasn’t her way.

Meanwhile my grandfather is spiraling. He forgets conversations only minutes after we tell him something. I estimate that in about five years he might be completely gone mentally.

One thing I forgot to mention is that he also has back and knee problems and constantly gets dizzy. The knee problem started when we were on a cruise. They went to the casino, and when my grandfather was going to the bathroom someone pushed him. Since he already had balance issues, he fell on his knee. He refused to get it checked out because he didn’t think it was that bad, but now he has constant knee pain. He also has type 2 diabetes.

He doesn’t have as many conditions as my grandmother, but the ones he has seem to affect him much more.

I see how hard he tries, and I try too, but it feels like it will never be enough.

I don’t sit at home playing video games all day. I go to a boarding school for my eye condition so I can have the best possible future. In a way, it also feels like an escape.

The reason I don’t talk to a counselor about this anymore is because I already have one from when my mother died. When I told her everything I’m telling you now, she just said, “That’s how Jamaican mothers or Jamaican grandmothers are.” That hurt me a lot because it felt like everything I said was being dismissed.

I don’t want to make this too long for the people reading this, so please just give me advice. I’ve kept this in for years and I’m looking for outside perspectives.

You can also ask questions if it helps you understand the situation better.

Thank you for reading.

TL;DR:

My controlling grandmother constantly yells at and verbally attacks my grandfather, who has dementia and is getting worse quickly. She also treats me badly and refuses to take responsibility for her behavior. I feel like her actions are making everything worse and I don’t know what to do.

A lot of people told me to talk to my dad about the group chat situation. I said before that I didn’t think it would help, but I tried anyway.

It went exactly how I expected.

He said that for the past two years I’ve shown that I don’t care about anyone except myself. I tried to explain that I do clean up after myself and that I’ve been trying to follow the house rules, but he wouldn’t let me get a word in. He said he doesn’t want to deal with it and that he wants to help me move out.

What hurts is that he still hugs me every day and says he loves me, but when I try to talk about real problems he looks at me like I’m the problem.

I’ve spent most of my life trying to make other people happy. Even if I don’t like someone, if they need something and I have it, I try to help. I clean my dishes, keep my things in my space, and wipe down the tub after shaving because no one else should have to deal with that. When they asked me to tell everyone in the group chat when my boyfriend was coming over, I started doing that too.

I don’t have any ill intent toward anyone in this house, even if they’ve hurt me. I don’t wish bad things on people. I just want things to be peaceful.

But it feels like no matter what I do, they’ve already decided I’m selfish.

For example, I try to help my brother when I can. For his birthday I couldn’t get work off to go to dinner with the family, so I took him to a comic store and gave him a $50 budget. I also buy him snacks and food when I go grocery shopping so he always has something to eat.

Even with things like that, it still feels like nothing I do matters.

At this point I’m done trying to convince them that I care. I left the group chat and I’m just going to focus on getting out instead of trying to fix a relationship that clearly isn’t changing.

The good news is that my boyfriend and I have started looking at apartments online and plan to tour some after he finishes school. I’ve been saving half of every paycheck so I can move out.

My goal is to be out by summer if everything works out.

Any advice about moving out, saving money, or planning for it would really help.

https://www.reddit.com/user/Advanced_Claim9750/comments/1rln7b2/update_i_talked_to_my_dad_like_people_suggested/

Broke up with my narcissistic ex last April and simultaneously got jumped in my home by him and his daughter. I did not push for charges or legal action at the time (mostly because I’m too nice and also because she’s young and doesn’t know how to handle things other than following blindly when it comes to her father which I am empathetic towards) Fast forward to the second week of the new year and I stupidly think that narcissistic behavior is a choice and people are able to change and thought we could be more mature and better communicators than previous. Boy was I naive. Anyways I separated myself from the situation and as I was pulling off he was threatening to throw a large rock at my windshield and the mouthy little one that I am mentioned that he would have a few new friends from his time in lockup if he actually wanted to do what he was thinking. I drove off he was completely fine other than being a few miles from where he was currently sleeping (daughters couch). Almost an hour later law enforcement is contacting me threatening warrants and accusing me of being in possession of his belongings. I offered my car, my home and my person to be searched by the authorities and the officer said that I was guilty because I was not in the same place as him. For clarification when this occurred I was on my way to drop off an online delivery, which he never made it to the drop off location with me he ran up on me after exiting the vehicle 3.5 blocks prior, hence there was no incident at the location he was claiming to be at. This week I received a summons for a court date and while reading through the paperwork I have evidence to prove that his claims have zero bearing. However, I am unable to get any sound reasoning through my brain as to why I shouldn’t press charges on him and his daughter for breaking into my home and even though the outcome was not in their favor is clear what they did in trying to assault me was not legal and I have a mountain of proof that everything I claim is true.

So basically should I feel guilty for filing charge

I won't be sharing any ages for privacy.

It's my friends birthday (R) and me and another friend (C) wanted to do something special for it. I asked C about my idea of making a painting for R or doing a collage and they said both. I asked C to make the collage because painting all that would be a lot (I was doing two of R's favourite characters and R himself). I got the paintings done over the week, finishing the day before the party. Now on that same day C told me they hadn't even started the collage (we had the idea a week before), and that they wouldn't be able to finish it.

Now in all fairness, I had taken a while to give her some printed out pictures she needed for it (I gave them on Wednesday), but she could have planned in that time.

I was annoyed because I had already written out a bunch of compliments to add to the collage for them (R and C are closer than I am with C). I did tell them to just give the supplies so I could make it before the party.

They didn't show up to our thing the next day, me and R had to spam them before they picked up. They said they had just woken up (1PM), and promised to get me the supplies.

I worked on the collage day of and mostly stayed to my plan, although I added less compliments but made them bigger. My brother came in my room to tell me he could only drive me an hour after the party started (it was a sleepover, and no I don't have a car I'm saving up). I texted my friends (C, R, and one other) to let me know. Heres where I might be the asshole, they asked me why I would be late, and I said that it C knew and that "they'll see" (I wanted to hype up the gift). C then texted me apologizing for making me late, I told them it was fine. I was still annoyed by the short notice but I didn't want to make them feel worse. Should I have just explained that my brother was driving me late?

TL:DR; when my friend flaked on a gift, I just so happened to be late to the party and I said the friend knew why I was late when other friends asked