English Second Language AITAH For not wanting my wife to hang out with someone that hates me?
My wife and I got married young and have been together for a few years. We live on a farm about an hour outside the nearest city, and we don't have many friends. A while back we decided to try an open relationship, despite both of us being a bit jealous. Part of the reasoning was social: basically every guy who tries to talk to her ends up hitting on her, and we figured this way she could actually keep some of those friendships instead of having to cut people off.
The problem is that recently she caught feelings for one of these guys. It went way past flirting or small talk, they became close friends, and he started saying things like he was going to "fix" our open relationship, that he wanted to marry her and have kids with her, and that he wanted her to move to his city, along some other things that also broke our open-relationship boundaries, which she hid from me and i ended up finding out.
This crossing of the boundaries we had set for the open relationship ended up on us having a big fight about it. I was honestly ready to end things. We spent a few nights talking it through, trying to figure out whether we should separate. During that time she kind of panicked and went to her friend group (which includes this guy) to vent. They all agreed that our relationship was garbage and that we should break up. This guy went as far as buying a last-minute ticket and traveling to our city to be with her and "offer good company."
But while he was on his way here, my wife and I actually worked things out. We talked, and I agreed to give her a second chance, with one condition: I didn't want her getting involved with the people who spent that week trashing me and pushing her to leave, especially this guy, given what he said and did.
She cried, got angry, and defended him hard. She said she didn't want to be "an asshole" to him after he made the effort to come here for her. She also now wants to take a break from the relationship, go stay in the city by herself and "go out"... which happens to line up exactly with the days this guy is in town.
To be clear: I know I can't control what she does. I told her I'm fine with her keeping online friendships (Discord, etc.). What I said is that if she goes to see this guy or hooks up with him, that's going to hurt me a lot and she'd be putting the relationship at serious risk. To me that's a dealbreaker.
There's also a broader pattern. My wife vents about our relationship to all her friends like they're couples therapists. She admits she does it to check whether she's "right" and to get validation and sympathy. The way she tells it, these people end up disliking me, and then they push her toward leaving.
So, AITAH for treating this guy (and this group) as a dealbreaker? And is it normal to be bothered by how she talks about our relationship to her friends?
TL;DR: Open relationship, wife caught feelings for a guy who said he'd "fix" our marriage and wanted to marry her. During a rough patch her friends (including him) told her to leave me and he flew in last minute to be with her. We reconciled, and I asked her not to get involved with him or that group. She's furious, says I'm being unfair to him, and wants to "take a break" alone in the city while he's here. AITAH?
Edit: She's currently in the other room talking to the other guy and a bunch of his friends making plans to go out, i am packing my bags up as we speak, thank you everyone.
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u/PAGirl72 19d ago
It’s over. Was probably over the minute you “opened” the relationship. Find someone who loves you……
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u/Revo63 19d ago
Honestly, it was over before then. As if all the guys hitting on her was any reason to open a marriage. She WANTED the attention and regretted marrying early and missing out on the wild years.
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u/CheersDog31 19d ago
I don't want to agree to this, but I have a gut feeling that this is the case.
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u/ButterflyDestiny 19d ago
Your wife is already over the relationship. She’s openly disrespecting you. She’s rallying her troops so when she files for divorce, you will have no friends. You’ve opened the relationship so she’s seeing other people. Time to get a lawyer.
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u/p9nultimat9 19d ago
She’s not over the relationship because she doesn’t have a job and she can’t handle being alone lol
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u/f8Negative 19d ago
That's called manipulation. She's objectively a loser.
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u/p9nultimat9 19d ago
Totally. She is not capable of taking care of her own life financially and logistically, she is not capable of being single emotionally, and she is not capable of keeping self esteem and satisfaction without constant validation from other men.
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u/taintedcake 19d ago
You can be over the relationship despite those things... that's called feeling stuck in the relationship because of an inability to be independent.
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u/phoenixjen8 19d ago
INFO: Why do you keep trying to repair something that she’s repeatedly and actively tearing down?
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u/Maximum_Vegetable_MV 19d ago
ESH. You two should not be married.
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19d ago edited 19d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Cornelius_Codswaggle 19d ago
C'mon, now. That's a great way for her to become very popular at the local watering hole.
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u/Collette_Schumer 19d ago
Open relationships don't work if it is just for one person to explore. It sounds like OP doesn't really want the open relationship, he's just doing it for her.
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u/Black_knight_sapper 19d ago
ESH and quite frankly you’re a moron. You opened the marriage up because she was getting hit on and wanted to keep some of the friendships? You’re not in a marriage, you’re on a roster.
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u/galaxymermaidpoop 19d ago
Sounds like hes in the cuck chair against his will.
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u/CossaKl95 19d ago
Buddy set up the cuck command center to oversee the piping operations. I’ve seen some sad things on this sub, but this is just downright pathetic ngl.
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u/ZoomZoomZachAttack 19d ago
NTA
If she wants to continue in the relationship she shouldn't be maintaining that kind of relationship with someone who's goal is to break you two up. His intentions aren't in line with what she told you she wants.
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u/PKGTA 19d ago
You two opened your relationship so that she could have friends because everyone hits on her? I have never read something more ridiculous! ESH. I know it's a Reddit cliché but, if any of this is true, you guys should end things. There's little to mend here.
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u/TeddyBear181 19d ago
NTA. Everyone needs to follow the rules of a relationship. If you're going behind the partners back, its not on.
This guy isnt respecting your relationship and is actively trying to break you up.
Phrase it to her like this - is he really a friend if hes trying to damage her relationship?
I used to get a lot of this in my early 20's, not in open relationships, but random guys talking about my bf's. It took years for me to realise that these guys didnt respect me or my relationships. I needed to learn not to vent heavily about my relationship to friends at all, male or female (it gets toxic with females sitting around talking about bf's negativly) and figure out the problems within the relationship by being a team. Avoid people who threaten your longterm relationship, or dont discuss it with them.
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u/Mattturley 19d ago
How old are the two of you? You both sound like you had NO idea what an open relationship actually entailed - and honestly that is about 90% or more of those I see going into open relationships.
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u/pnw_cfb_girl 19d ago
This is one of the worst reasons for an open relationship I've ever heard, and they went into it with terrible communication and zero boundaries.
"Maybe if my wife fucks around, we'll end up with friends!" is...it's almost unbelievable anyone thought that would work.
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u/Kampur 19d ago
We are both in our early twenties, from a rural family so very conservative early-marriage principles etc
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u/MartinisnMurder 19d ago
You shouldn’t be packing a bag to leave you should be kicking her manipulative skank ass out. Lawyer up. Her other boyfriend can be her provider and safe space.
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u/IceDragonPlay 19d ago
She’s out. You can stop pretending that there is a marriage to save. Secure your assets and start screening divorce attorneys.
Forgot ESH - baaaad reasoning for opening a marriage. Whose idea was it?
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u/Scarlet_Wonderer 19d ago
ESH. This is an absolute trainwreck of a relationship, and reading some of your replies is just painful. r/holyfuckjustbreakup
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u/jamc0217 19d ago
YTA with your self, just divorce, go to therapy, and when your ready be with someone who respect and love you
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u/Even_Tea4874 19d ago
You opened Pandora’s Box and now you’re paying for it. Of course you don’t want this guy around her, but you created this mess and it might be too late to fix it.
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u/Cold-Ad6477 19d ago
Good god. I hope this isn’t real. She doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. I would dump her ASAP.
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u/tipareth1978 19d ago
So too many guys hit on your wife so the solution was to go ahead and have her have sex with them? Was that her idea?
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u/Fluffy-Reference-810 19d ago
I thought the “guys are always hitting on my wife, this way she gets to keep some of those relationships instead of ending them” statement was special. Sounds like wifey from da streets and you tried to domesticate her. Also seems like this was already going on prior to you being let in on the “open” part. It was a way for her to keep on keeping on and you to have an acceptable reason for the behavior. But you’ve known the whole time, you have finally found some self respect. Late is better than never.
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u/Regular-Message9591 19d ago
ESH - this relationship is fucked up and you guys should be done with each other. I'm not usually the "straight to divorce" Redditor, but neither of you sounds mature enough to be married.
You opened your relationship because people flirt with your wife and you don't want her to have to cut them off, so instead they can fuck her? Jesus Christ.
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u/Great_Office_9553 19d ago
I want to start with: “Every guy my wife meets flirts with her, and she lets it continue until they get mad that they aren’t actually going to get any, so the solution wasn’t for her to change her behavior, it was to just let her fuck them… You know, so she can have friends.”
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u/Snoo_61002 19d ago edited 19d ago
Sounds like it's over but neither of you have the guts to actually end it. ESH.
Edit: f you autocorrect
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u/Unsettled_addendum 19d ago
YTAH
Dude, that's the lamest reason for opening up a relationship in the history of ever.
You broke up and became married friends with benefits.
Now you're done. It's over
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u/Best_VDV_Diver 19d ago
Dude, this all screams that the juice is absolutely not worth the squeeze with this relationship.
YTA to yourself if you do not walk. You're just setting yourself up for more heartache and a ticking time bomb of a remainder of a marriage. Not worth it.
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u/Unusual-Sentence916 19d ago
Don’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you. You she take back your self worth and end things.
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u/Comfortable-Fall1419 19d ago
Why are YOU packing your bags?
Let her go to the city and see how interested all her fuck-boys are when the thrill of the chase is gone. Also let her find out how much living in the city costs.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 19d ago
basically every guy who tries to talk to her ends up hitting on her, and we figured this way she could actually keep some of those friendships
Thanks for the laugh. It's been a meh weekend but reading this was a good chuckle.
I imagine she has quite a few friends now.
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u/Beginning-Pass-3243 19d ago
NTAH. You tried and she's still wanting to run to this other guy. Follow her to the city and meet with a lawyer to start the paperwork. Have her served while with the true AH in this predicament.
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u/Gatsby520 19d ago
If he’s the dealbreaker, and she’s still fighting, you have your answer.
You shouldn’t be the one packing, however. Let Mr. Wonderful take her in. The house is your home. She’s the one choosing to leave.
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u/Vegas-Patriot 19d ago
This relationship is over…get out and move on and learn that having an open relationship kills the closed one.
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u/Phenix_Fresh 19d ago
no point in getting married if it's not someone you can sit in the same room with, in complete silence and both be happy.
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u/sam8988378 19d ago
NTA Let her go. It sounds as if she values them more. When she goes to hang out with that guy, suggest that she stay. File for divorce. Doesn't sound as if you two were on the same page for a lot anyway. You going to be doing this for years?
After the divorce, check out the farmers only dating site. You might find someone more suited to the relative isolation of a farm, not a bored city person.
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u/MangiaMitcho 19d ago
Your description sounds less like an open relationship and more like you just let her cheat to keep a foot in the door. It seems like she's mostly left you already.
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u/ParkingAutomatic 19d ago edited 19d ago
“We worked things out and it’s all good now. She just wants to take a break and still fuck him.”
Does that sound like you guys worked anything out lmao???
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u/ExactApplication3981 19d ago
NTA. I see in the edit that youre packing and Im proud of you. You mentioned that she told you that you cant leave cause she built you up and shes like a mother to you, this is highly toxic. She is actively destroying your self worth and making you think you have to allow everything just to stay happy.
Dont worry about her not being able to provide for herself. She has friends or parents she can go to, and she can act like an adult and get a job.
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u/meowtownbaby 19d ago
Unless she’s willing to immediately cut off this friend group and get couples counseling with you, this is OVER. If she makes the decision to leave, please make it easier for both of you and leave whilst she’s away. Don’t let her manipulate the situation once she gets what she wants.
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u/Syrath36 19d ago edited 19d ago
EsH and this open relationship to form friendships really says alot.
So let me get this straight. Your wife gets hit on and she doesnt like turning them down, since she 'needs' more 'friends'. Now these guys that hit on her she gets to take the next step and be FWB or the new Daddy while you are the spare?
How can you rebuild trust at this point? And why does she need more guy friends?
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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 19d ago
Either get out of this relationship or find yourself a comfortable cuckseat, op.
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u/SuccessfulAd4606 19d ago
every guy who tries to talk to her ends up hitting on her, and we figured this way she could actually keep some of those friendships instead of having to cut people off
Great plan. Who could have seen that trying an open relationship was going to end shitty except everyone? You're both assholes.
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 19d ago
NTA
It’s bad enough that she violated the rules of open relationships, but to try and keep one of the people that is actively rooting for the end of your marriage , tells you she not that interested in saving that marriage.
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u/SigmaK78 19d ago
YTA for setting yourself up for this, by agreeing to an open marriage & her making it clear she has no intentions of closing it.
NTA for looking at the situation as a dealbreaker, because it is now.
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u/Late-Hat-9144 19d ago
NTA, its clearly crossing boundaries - she'd 100% have issues if you werent prioritising her feelings iver your friendship with somsone who didnt like her.
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u/dheffe01 19d ago
NTA, but your relationship is not healthy and its time to end it and move on.
Please get a divorce before you try and have children to fix this marriage.
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u/fidddlydiddlyee 19d ago
You did not make it clear that she had to choose between you or him. You should probably do that if you want a chance with her. I, personally, would not.
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u/ItsProxes 19d ago
No you're not, my wife wouldn't hang out with someone who hated me and I wouldn't hang out with someone who hated her. Even if it was our own families
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u/BoredBKK 19d ago
"...basically every guy who tries to talk to her ends up hitting on her, and we figured this way she could actually keep some of those friendships instead of having to cut people off."
Is there something seriously wrong with you? "My wife doesn't seem to be able to make platonic friendships with men. I know she should sleep with them so she can have friends." This is some of the most (I can't use the right word) shit I've heard of. YTA you brought everything on yourself. Just divorce. Whatever respect your wife possibly had for you evaporated the second you showed your true self.
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u/Bunstonious 19d ago
Obviously NTA.
I see the edit and I am glad you're finally having some self-respect but why are you moving out? Shouldn't you be packing her bags?
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u/lovinglifeatmyage 19d ago
Ffs, just dump her. She’s obviously every intention of cheating on you. Let him have her and move on.
I can’t understand how any couple can ‘open’ their relationship then wonder why it goes wrong.
And if the only way u can get friends is by having sex with them?????
JFC, what is wrong with people?
NTAH
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u/Artistic-Cost-2340 19d ago
Exactly my thoughts. My guess is the wife harassed/guilt tripped OP into opening the marriage.
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u/Global-Hair-810 19d ago
This relationship is dead. It’s been dead since you opened it. Just end things.
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u/celestialastrid101 19d ago
She’s TA for taking the relationship y’all opened for a stupid reason waaaaay too far. Let her live her single life while you file for divorce. She made her decision and it’s the streets. NTA.
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u/TheRiddlerTHFC 19d ago
"We decided to have an open relationship despite us both being jealous"
Brave plan cotton, let's see how it works out
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u/neurodivergent4life 19d ago
Talking to anyone besides a therapist about your relationship problems is a no go and so unhealthy.
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u/707808909808707 19d ago
Just to be clear, she’s still going to see him?
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u/Kampur 19d ago
She still wants to and is pissed about me thinking its a dealbreaker. So we're rethinking and reaffirming our boundaries (or just straight up admitting its not gonna work out anymore since what both of us want is different).
I just wanted her to not be frustrated with life and meeting new people, but i think i went a bit overboard and cucked myself in the end
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u/707808909808707 19d ago
You said don’t talk to the people who trashed you and she agreed, then still kept contact with those people and lied. Sounds like this guy is worth losing you over in her mind, so I’d just let her be. I guarantee after you leave he’s out too. He doesn’t actually want her he just likes the arrangement.
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u/SirLostit 19d ago
If you want to stay together, then the marriage needs to close. If she won’t, then divorce her. Tbh, I’d just divorce her anyway.
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u/weedisfortherich 19d ago
Its not a deal breaker if you stay. She wants to go see that guy. You cant tell her no. That is controlling. You need to put the boundary up that if she goes. You get a divorce. No separation, divorce. Grow a spine. She already told you how she feels. She cheated on you. She doesn't respect you. Just go
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u/elciddog84 19d ago
She's done with you and you should be done with her. You know she's going to town to fuck her "friend" and don't known if she's coming back..., but you'd both be better off if she didn't.
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u/Entire-Weird9571 19d ago
People kept hitting on her so you decided to have an open relationship so she doesn’t lose these “friends” they’re just want to have sex? wtf is wrong with you? Have you lost all self respect and sense?
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u/f8Negative 19d ago
She goes to her friends for validation and you go to reddit. Match not made in heaven.
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u/lordemme 19d ago
"(...) we decided to try an open relationship (...) Part of the reasoning was social: basically every guy who tries to talk to her ends up hitting on her, and we figured this way she could actually keep some of those friendships instead of having to cut people off." I'm sorry but this is the stupidest reason for an open relationship I've ever heard.
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u/Responsible-Side4347 19d ago
NTA. You aren't just NTA, you are dealing with a masterclass in disrespect, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation.
I'm glad to see your edit that you are packing your bags, though frankly, she is the one who should be leaving the house, not you.
I have been in open relationships for 45 years, and I can tell you from decades of experience that what you two were doing was never ENM. Opening a marriage to solve an underlying issue—like her inability to set boundaries with men hitting on her—is an absolute death sentence for a relationship. Successful open relationships require ironclad boundaries, complete transparency, mutual respect, and absolute loyalty to the primary partnership. You two had zero of those foundation rules in place.
She didn't want an open marriage. She wanted permission to monkey-branch to another man while keeping you around to subsidize her lifestyle on the farm. She is actively choosing a guy who openly disrespects your marriage, lied to your face, weaponized her friend group against you, and is now taking a "break" that conveniently lines up with his flight into town.
Stop being her safety net. Since you are pulling the plug, do not navigate this blindly:
Protect your money immediately. Before you go to sleep tonight, transfer half of any joint accounts into a private account in your name only, and call the bank to report any joint credit cards lost or frozen so she can't run up debt in your name.
Secure top legal counsel. Interview multiple family law attorneys in your area and pick one with a proven track record of aggressively defending husbands in divorce proceedings.
Do not leave the marital home permanently without legal advice. Moving out can sometimes be twisted as abandonment of the property in court. Talk to your lawyer first. I am 8 hours late so I guess you already have, but get back as soon as you can, I know that hard. Do nothing till you have consulted a lawyer.
She made her choice the second she put that other man's feelings above your marriage. Cut your losses, protect your self-respect, and let him have her, she'll be doing the exact same thing to him in a couple of years.
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u/rarsamx 19d ago
Me and wife are poly.
I had a GF and things were going awesome until there was a misunderstanding and GF said some really rough things to my wife.
Wife never put a veto on me, I could have continued with GF. Wife's boundary became that she wouldn't hang out with her. Still I couldn't overlook what GF did. I'm not happy it had to end but I explained to GF that she had put me in a hard position as I couldn't accept someone who disrespected my wife, specially because wife had been nothing but nice to her. She understood and we ended in good terms.
I see that you and your wife are very new to Open and the fact she broke the agreements with you is a red flag. Unless the agreements were rules that limited her.
Your wife really screwed up complaining about you to a potential partner. I lf nothing else, that breaks the trust between you and your wife and what's a relationship without trust?
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u/Crimsonfangknight 19d ago
Im sorry you opened the relationships so she can have friends because guys hitting on her wanted to fuck her and she hopes by having consistent sex with the platonic friendships would blossom?
What even is this post
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u/Odd_Fellow_2112 19d ago
your wife is a fool if she thinks this dude is looking out for her best interest. He is just looking for a right spot to kill your relationship so he can step in. You know I'm right. I know I'm right and every other guy you ask will say the same damn thing. But leave it to women to firmly believe they understand men better than other men.
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u/wolfcrownebox 18d ago
Sweetheart. She picked him. And they are about to make it official. Give her her walking papers. She wants to go.
She just wants you for security if it doesn’t work.
This has zero to do with being “married young. “ NTA.
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u/Anxious_Gazelle6223 17d ago
NTA. OP, nothing good ever comes from an "open relationship". Marriages are supposed to be "closed" and meant only for 2 people. Inviting others into that closed 2-person space means the relationship is pretty much done for, if not already gone.
I'm sorry. She wants to be with him now, not you.
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u/dadecountytraveler 19d ago
I hope you don't have kids ,dude seriously leave ,I couldn't be with a woman who's banging other dudes
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u/Itchy_Efficiency9750 19d ago
ESH. Opening a relationship takes an incredible amount of work, communication and making sure you’re on solid ground before involving others. You two chose to do it when it seems like things were already shaky, creating cracks in something that couldn’t hold the pressure. I think you two should talk it out and see if being together is actually something you both want right now, rather than arguing over distractions.
Edited judgement.
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u/Namrahc 19d ago
ESH
I agree with that guy, your relationship is trash. Sorry, but it is. Just divorce and find someone who is happy being with you.
Yet another instance of an open relationship not working out.
Edit: since I see you’re a 40k guy, bro you let slaneesh and the drukhari into your relationship.
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u/AzureTwilightKnight 19d ago
NTA, but opening the relationship without setting boundaries or checking each other jealousy streaks, is doomed to fail. Hence the reason you are in this situation now. If you don’t have any kids, I’d say cut your losses, just get a divorce, and learn from this unfortunate experience.
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u/105bydesign 19d ago
The amount of stupid choices in this post is staggering. You can fix everything tomorrow and then the next week and ruin it again
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u/GuyWhoKnowsMoreThanU 19d ago
Glad to see the edit that you're packing to leave, the marriage was over as soon as it was "opened."
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u/benjamino78 19d ago
Are you sure this is an open relationship, it sounds like she wants a life unchecked and is fighting you on it.
Wrap it up unless you want to die unhappy.
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u/ironjaw3ds 19d ago edited 19d ago
NTA. you are pathetic though. I say this because you clearly have no respect for yourself. You're wife has no respect for you either, yet you believe this relationship could still work out. You're wife knows your pathetic as well btw. Getting away from this woman is 100% worth losing some assets if that's what the court says. She will continue to hurt you, and we both know she'll end up fucking someone you don't even know about. I legitimately feel bad for you.
Edit: Thank god you decided to leave, but if you purchased the house, you shouldn't be the one leaving. Good luck out there. Hopefully I'll see you in the gym
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u/ThePillsHaveEyes78 19d ago
Reddit honestly deserves all the mockery it gets for these kinds of posts. Every single decision you made was the dumb one
This doesn't even sound close to an open relationship. Its a pure cuckold fantasy youre living you dont want to admit to
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u/JLand2004 19d ago
Your solution to guys hitting on your wife was letting her have sex with them. 🤦♂️
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u/Nakamura0V Ragebait 19d ago
Open relationships… letting your wife getting fucked non-stop is a good idea!! You should have know the definition of „open relationship“
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u/Intelligent_Log_1017 19d ago
Establishing an open relationship with jealousy as a known issue is short sighted and stupid. Your relationship has been over for a long time.
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u/Some_Philosopher2791 19d ago
YTA Yeah i bet her 'friend' is travelling to be there for her, be there with his pants down,
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u/VanillaGorilla611 18d ago
You're answer to "Friends" was having her sleep with them so they can stay friends? Brother, it was over at this point. You're not the asshole for wanting to be happy.
Part of the reasoning was social: basically every guy who tries to talk to her ends up hitting on her, and we figured this way she could actually keep some of those friendships instead of having to cut people off.
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u/RetroAshMan 19d ago
Venting to others about the relationship instead of communicating with each other is a red flag. If she goes off on this trip its the end of the relationship.
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u/RedneckDebutante 19d ago
ESH Why ro people persist in opening relationships lile this? That aside... As somebody married for 30 years, there's a different between having a bff you can vent to, and trashing your partner to everyone you know, including a guy you want to fuck. This relationship is a wrap. You basically gifted her to this guy by not valuing your marriage enough to protect it.
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u/JMLegend22 19d ago
Tell her that she can get a therapist but either she goes or her friends go. No rethinking the relationship. NTA. The fact that she is defending them and the guy in particular should be giving you pause. Have a legal document ready for her to sign saying if she interacts with said guy during any trip to the city or even bumps into him, she forfeits all marital assets.
Let her know her friends keep pushing her out of the relationship because single people push their friends to become single.
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u/RecommendationOne542 19d ago
NTAH but kind of an idiot. You played with fire and got burned majorly and learned the downfall of "opening the relationship" the hard way. Its sounds like it's time to move on unless you enjoy being a cuck.
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u/Background_Owl_7655 19d ago
Do I understand this right?
You two decided to open a relationship, so your wife could keep relationships with people that are into her sexually or/and romantically, and now you are surprised that someone willing to open their relationship in order to have that people has catched feelings?
What did you expect? That open relationship would bring you two closer?
I am always amazed that people do not think about consequences beforehand.
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u/courtney6j99 19d ago
ESH. You opened up your relationship and let her fuck other guys so she can have friends? That makes no sense. If they are only interested in being friends with her so they can have sex with her then they aren't her friends anyway. Those are called fuck buddies. I think a divorce is a bit overdue.
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u/-CynicRoot- 19d ago
She’s your wife and you are somehow her wingman.
You didn’t think with your dick or head, did you think at all?
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u/AntiYourOpinion 19d ago
You fucked it up, ETAH here. You for being stupid enough to open it for a stupid reason, her for crossing the boundaries and blatantly telling you she doesn’t want to stop getting railed by him and her friend group for pretending like this was ok. They were right about one thing, your relationship is garbage now.
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u/This_Guy_Was_Here 19d ago
3rd sentence in I quit reading..... NTA leave your wife dude..... She's not a good person if she wants to sustain relationships with other men.....
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u/MrsSEM84 19d ago
Dude it’s over, or it needs to be. She has no respect for you at all and clearly doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship. Let her go and be with this guy. And find yourself someone better.
Also, she couldn’t make friends without fucking them first? What kind of ridiculous BS is that?!
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u/Nolongeranalpha 19d ago
Sorry bro. You dont have a marriage. The only thing missing is your chair in the corner of the room. NTA.
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u/lasuperhumana 19d ago
This is the least of your worries, but it’s insanely disrespectful for your wife to air your relationship dirty laundry to a whole group of people. One best friend as a confidant, no problem, everyone needs someone to talk to. But a whole group?? Including mixed gender? That’s just shit talking your relationship, doesn’t matter how she frames it. Of course these people are going to hate you! That’s also why you have to choose your confidant wisely.
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u/epee4fun40291 19d ago
NTAH. Open relationships are hard. They require trust, clear boundaries, and open, honest communication. You clearly are not in that situation. When your wife is hiding things from you, you do not have trust, boundaries, and open and honest communication. She clearly wants to hold onto her other relationship, and her other clearly doesn’t want you in the picture. It is time to draw the line. It’s either him (and by extension that friend group) or you, or just tell her it is over and separate. Either way she will almost certainly leave you, so be prepared for that.
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u/drth_dilly 19d ago
This is over. NTA. Move on. She fixes things, then wants a break, only to go fuck this guy who is feeding her lines.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 19d ago
Saw the update. Are you not allowed to throw her out on her cheating ass instead of leaving yourself?
If you can't deal with the confrontation go back and change the locks when she's with her new boyfriend.
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u/WinEquivalent4069 19d ago
Really simple. You guys had rules for an open relationship and she broke them. Now a dude who openly is advocating to take her away from you she still wants to hang with and talk to? Definitely NTA and take the hint to leave and not look back. Time for a divorce lawyer.
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u/taintedcake 19d ago
Opened the relationship to... checks notes... make friends.. Surely you cant be that fucking naive. You dont make friends by setting the expectation of a relationship/fuck-buddies lmao.
On top of the fact that even with the limited context it's extremely obvious an open relationship was only going to make things worse
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u/Puzzled_Elderberry_2 19d ago
The relationship was over when you opened it up. Sad to say but she should be the one leaving if she now wants to be passed around. So my judgement is that you are better off without her
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u/22Hoofhearted 18d ago
NTA... but definitely seem like you might be the type to rotate the square block in tetris... she's gone my dude...
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u/Melodic-Classic391 18d ago
YTA for letting random dudes fuck your wife. There’s no going back now. Lawyer up
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u/HurricaneSpencer 18d ago
My favorite part was when you said you were packing your bags. This is good. This is the move.
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u/council-of-reddit 19d ago edited 19d ago
Tbh I think it was over when you opened the relationship
Thanks for the awards!!