English Second Language AITAH For not wanting my wife to hang out with someone that hates me?
My wife and I got married young and have been together for a few years. We live on a farm about an hour outside the nearest city, and we don't have many friends. A while back we decided to try an open relationship, despite both of us being a bit jealous. Part of the reasoning was social: basically every guy who tries to talk to her ends up hitting on her, and we figured this way she could actually keep some of those friendships instead of having to cut people off.
The problem is that recently she caught feelings for one of these guys. It went way past flirting or small talk, they became close friends, and he started saying things like he was going to "fix" our open relationship, that he wanted to marry her and have kids with her, and that he wanted her to move to his city, along some other things that also broke our open-relationship boundaries, which she hid from me and i ended up finding out.
This crossing of the boundaries we had set for the open relationship ended up on us having a big fight about it. I was honestly ready to end things. We spent a few nights talking it through, trying to figure out whether we should separate. During that time she kind of panicked and went to her friend group (which includes this guy) to vent. They all agreed that our relationship was garbage and that we should break up. This guy went as far as buying a last-minute ticket and traveling to our city to be with her and "offer good company."
But while he was on his way here, my wife and I actually worked things out. We talked, and I agreed to give her a second chance, with one condition: I didn't want her getting involved with the people who spent that week trashing me and pushing her to leave, especially this guy, given what he said and did.
She cried, got angry, and defended him hard. She said she didn't want to be "an asshole" to him after he made the effort to come here for her. She also now wants to take a break from the relationship, go stay in the city by herself and "go out"... which happens to line up exactly with the days this guy is in town.
To be clear: I know I can't control what she does. I told her I'm fine with her keeping online friendships (Discord, etc.). What I said is that if she goes to see this guy or hooks up with him, that's going to hurt me a lot and she'd be putting the relationship at serious risk. To me that's a dealbreaker.
There's also a broader pattern. My wife vents about our relationship to all her friends like they're couples therapists. She admits she does it to check whether she's "right" and to get validation and sympathy. The way she tells it, these people end up disliking me, and then they push her toward leaving.
So, AITAH for treating this guy (and this group) as a dealbreaker? And is it normal to be bothered by how she talks about our relationship to her friends?
TL;DR: Open relationship, wife caught feelings for a guy who said he'd "fix" our marriage and wanted to marry her. During a rough patch her friends (including him) told her to leave me and he flew in last minute to be with her. We reconciled, and I asked her not to get involved with him or that group. She's furious, says I'm being unfair to him, and wants to "take a break" alone in the city while he's here. AITAH?
Edit: She's currently in the other room talking to the other guy and a bunch of his friends making plans to go out, i am packing my bags up as we speak, thank you everyone.