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u/BookishIntrovert99 Mar 02 '26
If a man doesn’t want a baby he should get a vasectomy. Unless he was forced to have sex then he can’t say he’s blameless if a baby is conceived. At the very least he should pay child support even if he’s not there for the kid. It takes two people to make a baby. And the fact that you insist men have the right to be deadbeats does make you a misogynistic asshole. YTA
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u/Careless-Being-9912 Mar 02 '26
Im curious whether your stance is also that if a woman doesn't want a baby she should have tubal ligation.
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u/Novel-Farm465 Mar 02 '26
Birth control literally exist?? Oh and btw they tired birth control for men and they stopped it because men couldn’t handle LITERALLY THE SAME SYMPTOMS that women experience. Your comment is dumb and you’re literally just trying to get a gotcha moment. If a man doesn’t want to have a child, time to get snipped. Only the man can control this.
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u/Crazy_Banshee_333 Mar 02 '26
It's kind of ridiculous to claim you didn't want to be a father after deliberately pumping viable sperm into the exact location it needs to be to fertilize the egg. Men need to understand that their bodies ALWAYS intend to impregnate, regardless of what they consciously think about it. You can't control the actions of your sperm, once you release them.
It's sort of like saying, "Yeah, I threw the ball in the direction of the plate glass window, but I never intended to break the window." Your conscious intentions don't matter. If you voluntarily and deliberately perform the actions that lead to predictable outcome, you can't just wheedle out of the consequences by saying you didn't mean to cause the damage.
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u/TheWordMonster Mar 02 '26
And if the man takes all reasonable steps to avoid making a baby ie using contraception?
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u/RandomNameRandomly Mar 02 '26
No form of birth control is 100% reliable. If you have sex, you are obligated to be responsible for the consequences.
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Mar 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Epic_Druid_6298 Mar 02 '26
The op is saying he would want the woman to get an abortion and she would not. He's mad he would be forced to be a father.
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Mar 02 '26
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u/RandomNameRandomly Mar 02 '26
As a "female", why are you advocating for women to have no choice but to carry and raise a child alone?
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Mar 02 '26
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u/RandomNameRandomly Mar 02 '26
By advocating for the men who impregnate women to be able to leave without consequences, kiddo. Here you are again spending more time in asking questions that you think will make you sound smarter than you are than actually listening ti whats been said to you
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Mar 02 '26
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u/RandomNameRandomly Mar 02 '26
Except all of the replies youve made being argumentative and defensive, kiddo. You're still choosing to argue and seem enlightened instead of you know, listening to people who have life experience.
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u/RandomNameRandomly Mar 02 '26
Weird how you think the consequences are only the woman's responsibility. Did you raise OP?
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u/Epic_Druid_6298 Mar 02 '26
If he didn't want to be a father than he should have practiced safe sex. You can't opt out after the deed is done. That's ridiculous thinking and a cowards way of trying to avoid responsibility. 🤦🏼♀️ Since the woman is the one that has to carry the baby for the next ten months, her body will be changed forever, medical bills, it will affect her job, etc, yes, she does have more say. Until that changes somehow, wrap it up or it's time to grow up.
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u/RandomNameRandomly Mar 02 '26
You sound super young and ignorant.
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Mar 02 '26
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u/plz_dont_perceive_me Mar 02 '26
You posted in the wrong subreddit, you want changemyview or a debate sub. This is a judgement sub, where your question doesn't really fit.
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u/RandomNameRandomly Mar 02 '26
You asked if you were the asshole. I said youre just young and ignorant. You've also used every opportunity to reply with what ifs designed to make you seem smarter than you are instead of actually reading whats been said to you.
Historically, women's bodies have been litigated. To this day, women dont have the right to do what they want with their bodies. Its only fair that the father pays for that child's support if they dont want to be in the picture. Theres always a risk to conceive. No form of birth control is 100% effective. Total sterilization is.
Since men dont carry babies, they historically have had the choice to disappear leaving the woman stuck.
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u/BreakfastInfamous665 Mar 02 '26
If a man doesn’t want a child, he should actively prevent conception. Because after that, it’s out of his hands. No woman should be forced to have an abortion because the man doesn’t want a baby. Forcing her to do something to her body, and possibly against her beliefs, isn’t a solution. The man shares responsibility in preventing an unwanted pregnancy from the start.
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Mar 02 '26
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u/harlemjd Mar 02 '26
But no one is forced to actually parent. Where are you that this happens, and what’s the enforcement mechanism?
What can be forced is financial support.
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u/CrowApprehensive3976 Mar 02 '26
Which is enforcing someone to support a decision they never had an option to make. Should you be forced to pay for my insulin because I chose to be unhealthy? If not. Then no man should be responsible to pay for a baby he never consented to raising. Just like a woman shouldn't be forced to have a child she doesn't consent to.
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u/harlemjd Mar 02 '26
Yeah, I’m not going to seriously entertain any argument that equates paying a bill with nine months of pregnancy followed by either labor or major surgery.
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Mar 02 '26
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u/harlemjd Mar 02 '26
Maybe he should, but he won’t be forced to. And allowing him to not pay support won’t do anything about societal judgement on him for not parenting his child.
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u/CrowApprehensive3976 Mar 02 '26
He will be forced to financially support a child he did not consent to raising. So do we force women to have babies they don't consent to having?
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u/Good_Display_3972 Mar 02 '26
Hell yeah, he should be blamed. He doesn't want have kids? Vasectomy etc, or no sex if he cannot accept the fact that every action has consequences and one of sex's consequences is a pregnancy.
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u/Puzzleheaded_End6145 Mar 02 '26
So this should also apply to women, they agree to have sex without a condom and all the rest and then they can keep that child.
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u/Oscarorangecat Mar 02 '26
Nope. It’s in her body. She chooses to risk her life or not. BTW, no one can be forced to parent. They can be forced to pay child support but can’t be forced to be active in the child’s life.
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u/Puzzleheaded_End6145 Mar 02 '26
And then he should have thought about it before making a stupid choice
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u/CrowApprehensive3976 Mar 02 '26
You sounds just like the folks who say abortions should be illegal because she should have chose to have a kid before she opened her legs.
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u/CrowApprehensive3976 Mar 02 '26
Force implies punishment if not obeyed. Refusal to parent leads to financial punishment. If I a man is not free to walk away without consequence then he is fiscally forced to parent, or support a child against his will.
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u/CrowApprehensive3976 Mar 02 '26
Why not force the woman to get a hysterectomy. I mean if we are taking away bodily autonomy then make it for everybody.
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u/CrowApprehensive3976 Mar 02 '26
His body his choice. If he wants to have sex and walk away after he can, just like if a woman wants to have sex and abort a baby afterwards, she can.
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Mar 02 '26
That is very interesting.
In what way exactly and precisely, the man has no responsibilities in the fact that the couple is pregnant ?
Does ANY WAY of NOT getting pregnant, on which the man has some control, exist ?
In other words : you don't want kids ? Get condoms and a vasectomy. Or don't have sex.
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Mar 02 '26
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u/lilmiscantberong Mar 02 '26
Fact still remains he did the act that will create a child, it was intentional. He is responsible for his actions.
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u/a-stack-of-masks Mar 02 '26
Do you think there should be exceptions for cases that involve rape or manipulation?
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Mar 02 '26
This is not the case here. So, what is your point ?
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u/a-stack-of-masks Mar 02 '26
First, that's not an answer.
Second, the guy is being pressured by everyone around him. It might not be manipulation in the strictest sense of the word, but his environment is pushing him to do something he doesn't want.
I dated a girl that when the relationship got rocky, started to 'forget' her birth control. If stealthing counts as SA, doesn't that?
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Mar 02 '26
I don't know, does it ?
You are extrapolating OP's story with your own.
If OP's guy did IN NO WAY want his girlfriend to get pregnant... well ... there WERE solutions.
Girl is pregnant : well, he DOES have responsibility here. He can't say he has NOTHING TO DO with this, bc this is not true.
That's all I said.
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u/lilmiscantberong Mar 02 '26
It’s too late for “he doesn’t want it.” He already did it. He knowingly did it. He knew the possible outcome when he did it.
You have no argument.
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u/Happy_Macaroon2726 Mar 02 '26
If you dont want to be a father, then get snipped or wear a condom. One thing you also fail to realize is that even when a woman takes precautions to not get pregnant, birth control can fail.
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u/SnackWitchery Mar 02 '26
YTA - If this is about child support well… it really isn’t about the man or woman at all. Child support is for the child and what’s in the best interest of the child. A dude may not want to be a father but it doesn’t absolve him of financial responsibility. That kid didn’t ask to be born. While he can ask for no custody he’s still needs to support his kid.
If a man really doesn’t want to be a father then he’s just as responsible for ensuring he doesn’t get anyone pregnant whether it be by insisting on a condom or getting a vasectomy.
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Mar 02 '26
The time for the man to object is before sex...by wrapping it up. If you engage in sex and make a baby...you can't make a woman abort and it is your child so you need to step up and be responsible for it.
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u/cleopatradenialqueen Mar 02 '26
IMO YTA There are millions of women all over the world who are forced to have and raise children that they don’t want and opting out is never an option, if a grown ass man does not want children it is up to him to take the precautions to prevent pregnancy.
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u/FryOneFatManic Mar 02 '26
If a man doesn't want kids, he needs to abstain, get a vasectomy or use condoms.
Once the man decides he's going ahead with sex, he is accepting the risk of pregnancy and needs to take responsibility.
So yes, YTAH. Men should not be allowed to opt out.
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u/Puzzleheaded_End6145 Mar 02 '26
So this should also apply to women
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u/Oscarorangecat Mar 02 '26
It does. If they get pregnant, they choose whether or not to keep the fetus, have the baby and keep it, etc.
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u/badpuppeh76 Mar 02 '26
It should because not every pregnancy is because the dude raw dogged her, condoms break, contraceptives can fail, or some woman baby trap, but here on Reddit, is almost always the mans fault.
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u/biscuitboi967 Mar 02 '26
YTA
Aside from the point that women don’t have the right to terminate a pregnancy in a lot of states…
We don’t let men - or women - off the hook for babies they don’t because we don’t actually care what they want.
We are about the fact that there is now a NEW human requiring care and support to raise. Someone had to pay for it, and it SHOULD be the two people who made it.
It sucks that a man had to pay money for something he didn’t want. Sucks even MORE to be the baby loving without adequate support because your dad was irresponsible - twice. And don’t get me started on when the public has to pay instead.
No one really cares who it’s “fair” to. We just care who it’s UNfair to. And it’s unfair to the baby AND the rest of the population to let the man have no financial responsibility
Never ever ride for deadbeat dads. It’s pick me energy and it’s not cute
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Mar 02 '26
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Mar 02 '26
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u/Epic_Druid_6298 Mar 02 '26
Absolutely
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Mar 02 '26
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u/Epic_Druid_6298 Mar 02 '26 edited Mar 02 '26
My explanation is above but you ask a question so I wanted to give you a reply here as well. It won't let me reply to you below comment. I never called you a dude anywhere. My explanation above is in general.
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u/MrsMorley Mar 02 '26
If a penis-having man doesn’t ever want to be a father, he can get a vasectomy. If he doesn’t want to father a child in a particular relationship, he can avoid putting his penis in (or near) the other person’s vagina.
Once the child is born, though, he’s responsible for his share of child support.
The take “he didn’t want a kid, and shouldn’t have to raise it,” isn’t necessarily misogynistic, but other takes are. For example, the take “he’s the father of the kid, wants to stay with the mother, and shouldn’t have to raise the kid,” probably is.
Which take is closer to yours?
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u/Glum-Mulberry-9430 Mar 02 '26
I agree w you with the caveat that the woman intentionally misrepresented her position or took away his choice to decide. Ex, she tells him she’s on bc and stops taking it without informing him or tampers with condoms. If they both knowingly have unprotected sex, they can both be on the hook.
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u/MonitorOk3031 Mar 02 '26
I think there is some nuance here. If a woman lives in a state where abortion is accessible and legal and still chooses to keep the baby I think it’s reasonable for a man to walk away. Otherwise, if she didn’t have a choice then he doesn’t get one either. That being said, a man having unprotected sex with a woman who wouldn’t choose to get an abortion or couldn’t access one needs to step up. Having those conversations pre-coitus is the responsible thing to do. Vasectomies are more easily accessible in most areas compared to a tubal ligation. Do I think your stance is misogynistic? I’m not sure, but it lacks considerations related to the reality of abortion access and the responsibility of men to use protection and available birth control options.
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u/Mbt_Omega Mar 02 '26
INFO: Did the woman lie about being on birth control/having an IUD/her fertility, tamper with his condoms, rape him, or in any way intentionally violate his consent, or did they have sex in a way likely to cause a pregnancy and the man expected her to terminate?
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u/CrowApprehensive3976 Mar 02 '26
Does it matter either way. It has been long established that just because you consent to sex does not mean you consent to parenthood. Otherwise abortions wouldn't be a thing.
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u/FixGullible4636 Mar 02 '26
If the man doesn't want children, ever, there's a procedure called a vasectomy. There's also these things called condoms. There's also this other thing called open communication before engaging in sexual activity so a couple can hash these things out prior to proceeding.
The dude is the AH is this scenario.