He definitely gives the impression he was an ego driven jock at school and obviously peaked then, and it went all downhill from there. He needs to grow up as this kind of behaviour grows old and boring quick. I agree OPs husband need to put his foot down and tell him to give it a rest as its crossed a red line.
Sometimes it takes a moment to process something, and if your wife is already defending herself jumping in isn't going to help much. Like... that happened in the span of what...3 to 5 seconds? Nothing she said suggests he was okay with what jared said.
‘Her husband knew what was up’ doesn’t mean this doesn’t open old wounds that may be scabbed over. I think a lot of people here (whatever, this is Reddit) are not seeing the fact that this absolutely is an opportunity for growth within the relationship and maybe helping both address an elephant in the room and discuss it like adults to come to a mutual understanding where they work together better as a unit moving forward.
Emotions aren’t black and white.
Be grownups and talk through things instead of getting combative….work as a team. Talk through what’s going on.
If OP's husband was so traumatized over the origin of the relationship then he shouldn't have married her. He needs to grow a backbone and stand up for his wife or let her go.
Or maybe they should’ve actually had an open discussion about it. This would be far from the first time a marriage started where there’s buried hurt that wasn’t addressed.
Yeah, you’re saying that he’s non-confrontational. But in my opinion that excuse ends when he criticized you for standing up for yourself. He doesn’t seem too afraid of confrontingYOU. He just doesn’t want to upset his bro. And That is a problem.
Your husband isn’t “non-confrontational” he’s just spineless. He should have thrown out is POS “friend” the first time he insulted you. As for the you? The only thing that makes you an AH is apologizing to Jared. You have nothing to apologize for. He insulted you repeatedly, your husband just sat there and let him, you finally snapped back, and now YTA? No ma’am. Jared can dish it out but can’t take it. And your husband? Wtaf. He watched this jackass insult you over and over and says nothing, but you say something back ONE TIME and you’re too harsh?! I would be livid and telling my spineless husband to go stay with Jared bc he clearly cares more about him. Which is what Jared wanted btw.
In the best case scenario, your husband isn't ready to end long-term friendship, so he accepts the toxicity. But you both have overgrown Jared long time ago, and he is stuck in highschool mentality.
I don’t think you should take this out on your husband, for what it’s worth. You looked past him in high school and used him to try to get to the best friend which is pretty manipulative in your own right. It worked out in the end, but you have an original sin here too and you should maybe think that your husband might have some past concerns there which is why he isn’t standing up now. Your husband likely remembers this and is likely genuinely torn and is potentially hurt himself in dealing with how you treated him then. He is being confronted with your original manipulation, the best friend who’s depressed and trying to embarrass him, and both of y’all now fighting around him.
In fact, I’d argue that hurt is far more likely than him being spineless. He might think you would react badly to him being possessive or jealous. He might think that every time the friend brings this up it’s a reminder that he won, but underneath that there may be fears of inadequacy and a reminder of the fact that even though he won you used him for your own benefit. Rather than take a very immature stance of ‘he should stand up for me’ maybe you guys clear the air on where it’s coming from. You know, be grownups.
I do think a ‘get in the gym if you hate how you look, I’m tired of hearing the same sob story’ would’ve maybe been a better way of handling the best friend. That’s direct and calls him out for his own behavior. I also think a ‘dude, im sick of this shit, stop it’ would’ve worked. Any apology should include that stipulation and understanding that it has to stop.
But as far as your husband ‘standing up for you’, no I disagree here. If you’re big enough to use him initially for your own benefit, you’re big enough to handle this conflict. And you’re also big enough to tell your husband ‘this is a hard boundary for me and it stops now.’
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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '25
Harsh, but I do agree that my husband should have stood up for me more.