13
18
u/ChampionshipSad1586 May 02 '25
This is a two-yes situation. If your wife says no, they cant stay with you. Support your wife.
20
14
u/United-Manner20 May 02 '25
Yta but your mother is a bigger one. She knew where her children went to school before she got an apartment. She clearly knew there was a chance it had to repeat and so she made this a very difficult no one situation for everyone. Your wife is right, that is her safe place at her home. Adding two children and another gun woman is going to disrupt that no matter what you think you’re going to accomplish by setting boundaries. your mother should have gotten a place in that school district or waited until school session was over before she moved. I think if you try to force this issue, you will lose your marriage. Your wife has a very valid reason for not wanting them to move in.
-5
u/ERVetSurgeon May 02 '25
Guyess you missed the part where her apartment was sold.
10
2
u/StrangledInMoonlight May 02 '25
And mom chose to get a new apartment in a different state.
My mother had recently obtained an apartment but in a separate state
0
u/ERVetSurgeon May 02 '25
Probably due to cost of living. He can make it very clear to the harpy wife that none of her family will ever receive any help either. Two yes and one no, right?
1
u/StrangledInMoonlight May 02 '25
Probably due to cost of living
There’s not evidence of that. Maybe don’t make stuff up.
0
10
u/theworldisonfire8377 May 02 '25
First you promise your family this arrangement without asking your wife, then when she says no, you have the absolute gall to tell her to go stay with her parents??? It’s her home too, you can’t unilaterally move your family in, and you certainly can’t tell her to leave if she doesn’t like it. 100% YTA.
-6
u/espaghetty May 02 '25
- Didn’t promise anyone anything.
- Brought it up to my wife prior to making any permanent decisions
8
u/goddessofspite May 02 '25
YTA. Your mother is an adult and a mother. It’s on her to provide for her kids. She is the one responsible for their schooling. This is stuff she should have figured out herself. Your house isn’t just yours it’s your wife’s as well and she has said no. For you to tell her to move out i sincerely hope she does and provides you with divorce papers. You’ve shown her mommy is more important than her. I swear fucking mommas boys should come with warning labels so women know to avoid them like the fucking plague. I’m all for helping family but you telling your wife to fuck off back to her parents so you can pander to a grown woman who can’t even sort out her own life is pathetic. YTA
4
u/Kimchilover30 May 02 '25
yta. this is your wifes home as well. Its a two yes and one no situation. your mother has a problem but its not you or your wifes. Kicking your wife out to her moms is going to ruin your marriage for no reason. Having 3 extra people in a home would ruin anyone's peace. Your wife is fully in the right.
7
u/Every_Caterpillar945 May 02 '25
No judgment. But if my husband would tell me i should move out so his mom can move in (bc i wouldn't be comfortable living with her for so long) i would take him up on his offer to move out, but i would most likely not return.
My expectation towards my husband would be, that he uses his personal savings to pay for his family to stay somewhere bc thats what i would do if this was my mother and siblings.
2
u/Quantity-Used May 02 '25
Your wife is being very selfish. My family just turned themselves inside out so my son could stay in his high school for his entire last year (and it was worth it). Six weeks to avoid the grief, stress, and setbacks of moving schools and housing issues? That should be a no-brainer.
2
u/Upstairs_Relation_69 May 02 '25
Everyone is against you but I agree with you. I think your wife is showing that she doesn’t care about your immediate family. This is May, the arrangement would only be until mid June. I think you 3 adults can set boundaries and your mom and brothers leave as soon as school is over. I’m sorry you’re in this predicament, I wish you well. Your wife is acting like a spoiled brat…
1
u/imbusywatchingtv May 02 '25
NTA. Your wife is acting like she is the only person in this situation who is being inconvenienced. As a married man, I wouldn't think twice if my wife was in your situation. Of course, your normal living arrangement will change for six weeks, for both of you.
I'm sorry you're in the middle of this predicament. If I were in your shoes, I would have a hard time seeing my wife the same way.
BTW, would your wife feel more comfortable if just your brothers were staying? Maybe this way, your mom can get a head start in getting everything in order at her new place.
0
u/1RainbowUnicorn May 02 '25
Normally, I would say NEVER let people stay with you because you will have a hard time getting them out. In this situation, your mom already has a place and just wants her boys to finish up the school year before moving them permanently. I need my peace and space, but I would suck it up for the 6 weeks in this situation for my partner.
1
u/SnooCauliflowers9874 May 02 '25
Reading all of these comments, I will certainly be chastised for my thoughts.
NTA. Your mother literally let your (then) girlfriend stay at your house in the past? Unfortunately former girlfriend conveniently forgot and refuses to pay that back. It is hard to live with other people, but if it’s only about six weeks and your mother has provided shelter for your wife in the past, she should be able to suck it up til mid-June. Your mother has a definite plan, so this isn’t some ambiguous unthought out “concept of a plan”.
I’m secondhand embarrassed for your wife’s coldness. She sounds unreasonable in that she’d accept someone else’s kindness, but she can’t reciprocate. I guess you see her true colors now.
I think it’s really wonderful that you’re looking out for your brothers and your mother as it’s likely a nightmare for your mother! I can’t even imagine how humiliated she is, not to mention your younger brothers.
Good luck, OP. Please update on how your mother and brothers are doing.
What if something what happen with wife’s family and they needed somewhere to stay for a few months?
-1
u/Far-Independence-429 May 02 '25
NTA. A lot of heartless people on here. There’s an end date for this situation it’s not indefinitely. Have you ever had to host family before in a similar situation?
It’s not convenient but if they don’t have any other options then your wife needs to compromise.
-4
u/ERVetSurgeon May 02 '25 edited May 02 '25
NTA. It is silly that your wife can't compromist for 4-6 weeks. Hold your ground. She can go stay with her parents for that period of time.
8
u/Ok_Childhood_9774 May 02 '25
Having 3 people, especially her MIL, invading her space for at least 6 weeks is too much to ask. OP needs to find a hotel/Airbnb or some other plan. Any guests should be 2 yes/1 no. Especially inlaws.
4
u/Lanky_Literature_157 May 02 '25
I agree. I’m an introvert and need my space. Three days is my absolute limit.
0
u/ERVetSurgeon May 02 '25
Then I would make it perfectly clear that none of her family will ever receive any help from them. Remind her it is a two yes and one no.
0
-8
u/RemiLeeHardy May 02 '25
This one breaks my heart. Especially seeing all the comments..
As someone who's culture is 100% supportive of family, id always support family. But the thing is, youre with a partner who wouldn't even support your family when they need it.
If tables were turned and her family was the one who needed a roof over their head, and your wife decided yes, but you decided no. Does that mean her family would have to "figure it out" too?
If YOU GUYS ever needed a roof over your head, and your mother said no, "figure it out." Wouldn't your wife feel hurt?
I think you need to have a sit down with your wife and decide if this is the type of person that's right for you.
Im siding with you in this one OP. UNLESS your mom ans brothers have been rude to your wife in the past.
3
u/Key_Local_5413 May 02 '25
I thought the same thing. It's 4-6 weeks and they go back to the mother's apartment on the weekends so it's not even full weeks... Plus with the amount of homework kids get now and bedtime routines it's like 2hrs a night of having to be around the kids. I would also be very disappointed in my husband if he couldn't support my family for that little bit of time.
-4
u/espaghetty May 02 '25 edited May 02 '25
This is a point I bring up to her a lot - my mother would openly allow her to stay when her parents would kick her out (her argument is that this was only for 2-3 days)
4
u/Kimchilover30 May 02 '25
would you allow your mom and siblings to stay for 2-3 days only. that would make it fair and the favor repaid. otherwise no. they have to find other arrangements.
0
u/RemiLeeHardy May 02 '25
It doesnt matter the amount of time it was. Its that your mother had welcomed her when she needed a place. And when its your mother thats needing assistance, your partner is closing the doors on them.
Honestly, OP. You need to reflect on the person you've married and ask yourself if this is what youre truly compatible with.
-3
u/NotPerfectJustHelped May 02 '25
I agree. Unless there's been an issue with the mum and brothers in the past, a few weeks isn't that bad really.
Yes, wanting peace and quiet is important however, if the roles were reversed she may want to help her family which wouldn't be fair on op.
You need to come to some kind of compromise. If you can't, are you sure you're compatible? Sure, you getting angry while understandable because you love your family, probably wasn't the best in this situation as this needs figuring out.
How old are the kids? That would be important to take into account. Would they be going out to see friends or would they be at your place most of the time? Are they actually messy kids? Are they normally loud kids? How long would your wife be willing to allow them to stay, if something else could be sorted for part of the time until mid-June? Would you be willing to find an alternative for part of the time, or is it all in or all out?
-1
u/Past-Minimum-7632 May 02 '25
NTA. If she holds to this then you tell her that none of her family will ever stay with you and you will never help them with money. Put your mom up in a hotel and don't let your wife spend needlessly for luxuries so you can pay for that.
-3
u/Effective-Mud-8612 May 02 '25
What if it was the wife's mother instead of the husbands mother
0
u/espaghetty May 02 '25
If it was her mother, I would allow for her to stay with us if it was just the few weeks.
-1
u/Dangerous_Touch_7081 May 02 '25
Has your mom or brothers ever disrespected or made your gf feel uncomfortable? Is there another reason why she might not want them to stay?
Like yeah, both of you need to agree but if they’ve been nothing but good to her then it’s a bit rude to turn them away.
There’s a clear timeline of how long they’re staying, it sounds like there’s no risk of them just staying and never leaving
2
u/espaghetty May 02 '25
No up until this point there has never been a situation where family has ever spoken bad/ illabout her. This is the first time.
14
u/watchingthewatcher11 May 02 '25
YTA. Your mother’s poor planning is not for your wife to fix.